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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23069755">Sanctuary for the Broken Ones</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romiie_n/pseuds/Romiie_n'>Romiie_n</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chicago Fire, Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:15:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>51,263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23069755</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romiie_n/pseuds/Romiie_n</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They decided that she was guilty based on the gossip that started on the CT floor. There wasn't a safe place for her. There was nowhere to hide from them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ava Bekker/Matthew Casey, Past Ava Bekker/Connor Rhodes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The story starts directly after Connor cut Ava in the OR.</p><p>Not following canon from the episode, where Ava got cut by the scalpel in OR (S4 Ep13).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She really thought that she got through him yesterday.</p><p>Judging by the looks she was receiving since she stepped through the doors to Med, that haven’t been the case. Getting from ED to the elevator has been a challenge on its own. At least she got a warm and sincere smile and greeting from Maggie and a distracted, but equally friendly, good morning from Will. And after the very awkward ride in the elevator where everyone pretended to look like they haven’t been talking about her just a second before they got in, she finally got to the familiar CT floor.</p><p>The breath she had been holding was released as soon as the elevator doors shut itself again behind her and separated her from the vultures inside who, no doubt, continued with their talk before she joined their elevator group.</p><p>Her hand nervously squeezed keys in her hand and the sharp pain that spiked through her palm instantly calmed her. This was her floor. She was the attending here, no matter what they were saying behind her back, she was competent and capable.</p><p>And they wouldn’t scare her off.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“I am very glad you invited me, Dr. Bekker. The size of this aorta is absolutely mesmerizing.”</p><p>She felt her lips turn upwards and her eyes crinkled when she answered.</p><p>“I knew you would appreciate it the second I saw it on the scan. The blood flow is amazing and the aortic walls-“</p><p>“-are almost translucent but still strong enough not to tear.” Dr. Latham shook his head with the same amazed disbelief in his eyes that appeared when they finally cracked the patient’s chest.</p><p>“That they are,” she agreed and turned her head to her assistant. “5-0 prolene, please.”</p><p>Once it was placed in her hand she turned back and nodded her thanks to her mentor when he moved the heart a bit so she could start on the sutures.<br/>“You want to stitch the other side, Dr. Latham?” she asked while she started her work, precise as ever.</p><p>“I believe it would be for the best if you’d stitch the whole area yourself, Dr. Bekker. For such a big heart, our patient has a very narrow chest cavity for me to move safely. Especially with the damage her lungs sustained from the accident.”</p><p>Ava nodded again in assent and briefly looked at the bruised face of the young woman. It was obvious from her features that she couldn’t have been more than twenty.</p><p>“That is exactly the reason why I don’t like motorcycles. At least the airbags in the car can are designed for some sort of protection, but this…” she sighed but ultimately turned back to the problem at hand.</p><p>“Indeed Dr. Bekker,” said her colleague and carefully moved his hand out of the way so she could get a better visual. “But even those are not 100 % safe.”</p><p>“If they would, we’d be out of job pretty soon,” was the quick response from the assistant on Ava’s left. The girl immediately focused back on the suction in her hand, afraid she overstepped, but Ava just smiled under her mask.</p><p>“Well, Dr. Kayne, I am confident that even with perfectly functioning airbags, there would have been something else to damage our hearts.”</p><p>“You could put that on T-Shirts,” suggested one of the scrub nurses with nonchalance. It elicited quiet chuckles in the OR.</p><p>Ava felt her smile dropping and she fought hard not to show how the comment hurt her. She had to get through this surgery than she could go to the roof to scream out her frustration. Or at least pace around there for a while to cool off.</p><p>“I don’t think anyone buys a shirt with a slogan that long,” she snarked and looked straight at the nurse who said it. “Scissors.”</p><p>She saw the annoyed look, but it was very brief and then she was forcefully given the instrument. Ava didn’t bother with thanks and immediately began clipping out imperfections.</p><p>“I have to agree with Dr. Bekker,” nodded Dr. Latham, oblivious as ever to the tense atmosphere in the OR. “Although your words have their wisdom it seems very…”</p><p>“…cheesy?”</p><p>“Corny?”</p><p>Dr. Latham shook his head at both ideas from their assistants, so Ava interjected.</p><p>“Inelegant?”</p><p>The Jewish man’s eyes lit up when he wasn’t confronted with, as Ava heard him put it, “youth gibberish”.</p><p>“Exactly, Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>Ava smiled when she slipped the last offending part of suture and turned to her left.</p><p>“Dr. Kayne – would you like to close her up?”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>Ava groaned at the stiffness in her neck as she moved it in a small circle. She used her fingers as well to ease the pressure in the muscles and moved her neck carefully from side to side again until it gave a satisfying crack.</p><p>With that she closed her locker and headed out of the doctor’s lounge. When she rounded the corner and saw the group waiting for the elevator, she hesitated for a second but eventually kept on walking. Biting back a sigh she acknowledged everyone with a nod of her head that was coldly reciprocated.</p><p>The elevator doors opened not even a second later for which she was extremely grateful. Everyone outside moved out of the way of the incomers and then slowly filled the tight space again. Ava tried to not look as uncomfortable as she felt herself being squished at the front of the cabin next to the controls.</p><p>The quiet was stressing her and she could feel the eyes on her so when the elevator finally stopped at the ground floor, she tried not to look to eager to get out. They were immediately swamped when they got out, as it seemed like almost everyone was heading to the cafeteria for lunch.</p><p>With a few quick strides she put distance between herself and the whole CT squad. The relief was unfortunately very brief as she stepped directly behind a bunch of nurses from ED. It was pretty clear they didn’t notice her as they didn’t bother with talking quietly.</p><p>“…and she cut herself in the OR.”</p><p>“That might’ve been an accident. I’ve nicked myself with a needle plenty of times.”</p><p>“Monique,” the dark-haired nurse sighed at her younger friend and continued like she had the wisdom of a World War veteran. “Do I need to repeat everything I just said for you to finally believe it? Don’t you trust Beth?”</p><p>“I do, I think. But I am just saying-“</p><p>“I want everyone to be a good person too, but it doesn’t work that way. It would have to be a really big coincidence and I don’t believe in that.”</p><p>“Yeah, Monique,” another nurse was quick to persuade their youngest. “I mean – a lot of women do crazy things for guys. And he is hot, so…”</p><p>Ava couldn’t be happier for her pager going off. She looked at the message and without looking at the nurses that immediately froze in place when they heard the sound behind them, powerwalked to the ED. But not without hearing the hesitant voice of the blonde nurse.</p><p>“Do you think she heard us?”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“What do you got, Maggie?” Ava plastered a smile on her face as she stopped in front of the nurse’s station.</p><p>The head nurse looked up distractedly from her notes and pager. Her eyes were confused when she approached Ava but still she smiled.</p><p>“I call for a CT consult expecting a resident and I got the attending?”</p><p>Her tone was playful and Ava was very careful not to let her smile falter, when her words triggered a memory of the time Connor used the almost exact words.</p><p>“Well, everyone’s having a lunch and you put a red dot there,” she pointed out. “So I figured it’s important enough.”</p><p>Maggie nodded with a smile and handed a nurse next to her the documents before motioning at Ava to follow her. She moved to the other side of the station and took the tablet Maggie handed to her.</p><p>“It’s Matt Casey. The Truck and Squad were bringing victims all morning from a fire at the Mall on 25th Avenue. Will and Ethan checked the firemen after them and the Captain’s heart was beating way too fast to be adrenaline induced.”</p><p>Ava nodded as she looked through the EKG and then back at Maggie.</p><p>“I take a look and do an angio if it didn’t go back to normal in the thirty minutes since Will checked him.”</p><p>“Thank you! He’s in 5,” Maggie called and rushed back to the front where a rather angry man demanded attention from the nurse Maggie ask to cover for her.</p><p>Ava put the tablet under her arm and walked to the examination room Maggie pointed out. She knocked and let herself in when the fireman lifted his head and nodded.<br/>He sat up straighter when she entered the room and she quickly looked him over. He was, as everyone in the ED, hooked up to the heart monitor, but there was no IV attached to him. That was a good sign.</p><p>“Hello Captain Casey, I am Dr. Bekker. Would you mind if I take a look at your heart?”</p><p>“Please, just Casey or Matt,” he answered with a small and tired smile. “And please do. I am ready to be discharged.”</p><p>Ava smiled at his admission and put the tablet down. She reached for her stethoscope as she approached him.</p><p>“I hope I won’t be forced to keep you here any longer. It says here you are not in pain or any discomfort, and that you do not feel dizzy or nauseous, correct?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s good. Do you mind lifting your shirt so I can listen to your heart?” she asked politely.</p><p>He fully sat up and rather than lifting he pulled his shirt off. Ava’s eyes immediately drifted to the bruise on his lower back.</p><p>“Does the bruising hurt?” she pointed out and put the stethoscope on.</p><p>He shook his head and moved his hands out of the way when she warmed the instrument before putting it on his chest.</p><p>As always, once her ears were enveloped in the quietness of the stethoscope, it was like her mind opened a library stored with every heartbeat she ever listened to. She felt herself focus on the one on hand, literally, and listened.</p><p>She moved the instrument two times, before putting it away and looking up. Her patient was calmly waiting but his eyes were a little bit anxious, so she smiled reassuringly.</p><p>“I don’t hear any abnormalities, nor is your heart elevated as it was when you were first looked over. I’d like to run the EKG for a few minutes, just to confirm it. If it stays as clear as it is now, I’ll bring the discharge papers.”</p><p>His shoulders lost the tension and his whole body relaxed at her words. She put the stethoscope back around her neck and rolled to the bed the EKG which she expertly hooked him up to. Once she let it run she turned to Casey.</p><p>“It would take about five to seven minutes. I need you to stay calm for the first few minutes so I can see you heart as relaxed as possible and then I am going to ask you a few questions to see how you do in a bit of a stress, alright?”</p><p>“I am all yours.”</p><p>She reciprocated his smile and they fell into comfortable silence. The only noises in the room were the heart monitor and the EKG running. Ava looked at her watches after few minutes and turned back to Matt. She picked up the tablet again and opened a random questionary.</p><p>“I’ll start with the easy ones. Can you tell me your name and date of birth?”</p><p>“Matthew Casey, born 2nd May 1987.”</p><p>“Okay. Name of your first pet?”</p><p>His eyebrows shot up and his voice was tinted with amusement when he answered.</p><p>“Captain Hook.”</p><p>Ava involuntarily snorted at that which elicited a smile from the fireman.</p><p>“Have you ever tried any drugs?”</p><p>“I smoked a pot once in high school. Ran around the neighborhood naked with a hockey stick. Worst day of my life.”</p><p>She nodded as serious as she could be with that information vividly planted at the forefront of her mind and put down the tablet. She waited before he met her eyes and then asked the last question.</p><p>“Favourite positon…”</p><p>His eyes widened at that as he seemed to choke on nothing, and Ava had to hold herself not to smirk.</p><p>“… in baseball?” she added graciously and stood up to stop the EKG.</p><p>“Pitcher,” was the answer and he was smiling. “I am pretty sure the EKG is really interesting at the end.”</p><p>“That was the point,” she told him kindly as she looked it over. “We need to see the heart in a few of its beats. My bet is always on the calm, amused and then downright <br/>embarrassing type of question to get it.”</p><p>“I can tell.”</p><p>She smiled as she turned back to him.</p><p>“Your EKG looks normal, but I would like you to come back in a few days, so we can run the test again, just in case.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll make sure to get here.”</p><p>“Great. So I will bring you back your discharge papers,” she told him as she poured disinfection on her hands. She stopped at the entrance and looked back at him with her eyebrow lifted. “You can put your shirt back on in the meantime.”</p><p>He laughed heartily and she was glad he wasn’t offended or embarrassed. Ava closed the door behind her and walked to the nurse’s station where she started filing up the discharge materials. As she was typing on the tablet, she sensed a presence in front of her and with a sigh lifted her head.</p><p>Maggie was grinning at her from ear to ear, as she was leaning on the counter. Ava was glad that the ED was mostly empty.</p><p>“What?” she gave in grumpily when the nurse didn’t say a word.</p><p>“You seemed pretty chatty in there,” was the answer filled with amusement. “Casey is charming even when he’s not talking. I could tell Herrman and-“</p><p>“No,” she stopped her sternly and sighed. “Maggie, I have enough on my plate and I am not really ready to complicate my life with another guy. I was just being nice.”</p><p>“But-“</p><p>Ava looked up with her lips pursed and the head nurse sighed dramatically. The CT surgeon then signed the discharge and walked back to the room 5. Casey was already dressed and tying his shoes when she walked in.</p><p>She didn’t smile at him as much this time as she helped him take off the medical equipment. Then she handed him the tablet and an electronic pen.</p><p>“I need your signature here and then you’re free to go.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Casey said when he signed and handed her the tablet back.</p><p>She walked him to the ED and bite back a groan when they were immediately approached by Maggie and April, who came back from her lunch break.</p><p>“So, you’re cleared!” April stated when they reached the station.</p><p>“Yeah I am,” Casey answered warmly, and Ava busied herself with the tablet while trying not to feel like an intruder.</p><p>“And ready to jump right into another fire,” said Maggie and playfully glared at him before she glanced at Ava. “I might be calling you back in really soon – these guys are trouble around here.”</p><p>“Yeah, Matt. And it’s not every day you get the head of the CT herself to treat you!” added April.</p><p>“I am not a head of CT,” Ava frowned immediately but cleared her expression when she turned to Matt. “It’s more of a lottery on who comes to ED. The first person not in the OR and available consults.”</p><p>It was hard not to flee when she said it. Why did she bother him with her stupid explanations? She was groaning inside her head. But it was obvious that Matt was one of the nicest people she met as he only smiled at her.</p><p>“Well I obviously got lucky in that lottery,” he said, and Ava tried really hard not to roll her eyes as April and Maggie started gesturing wildly but quietly behind the fireman.</p><p>Fortunately, before she could open her mouth and make a more of a fool of herself or scare him off with her snark, his phone went off. He pulled it out of his pocket and his eyes were worried once again. But when he looked up at them, he still smiled.</p><p>“Like you said, Maggie – another fire to put down,” he said and turned to Ava. “Thank you for the check up and discharge.”</p><p>“Of course,” she smiled briefly as he quickly said goodbye and basically run from the hospital. They could all hear sound of sirens coming closer.</p><p>She didn’t try to run away and opened a file on her tablet, waiting. They didn’t even give her a second before they surrounded her.</p><p>“So?” April turned to her with a small smile.</p><p>“Like I told Maggie, nothing. He was my patient, I took care of him, end of story.”</p><p>“He didn’t seem like It was just that for him,” April didn’t relent.</p><p>Ava opened her mouth to answer, but the doors to the ED opened and the bunch of nurses, that were gossiping about her earlier entered. She felt her body stiffen and her expression close off. She logged out from the tablet and handed it over to Maggie who was looking at her with something akin to pity which Ava hated.</p><p>“I’ll catch up with you later,” Ava muttered to the both of them, and without looking back and ignoring the whispers that started again she walked to the cafeteria.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Hopeful</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taking the subway was never a pleasant experience. Especially in the morning, when more than a half of the passengers were reeking of alcohol, vomit and in some cases, weed. Ava turned her head slightly more to the window, but it did almost nothing to calm her churning stomach at the smell.</p><p>Her inaudible sigh was lost to the blowing wind as the carriage raced under the city. As if to test how much she can handle, the lightbulb directly above her seat started to flicker. She would have loved nothing more than to close her eyes but was wary of the two men sitting on the other side of the carriage. They might be harmless, but they sure looked hangover and their eyes were rapidly scanning the crowd around them.</p><p>Clutching her backpack tighter to her chest, she felt relief wash over her, as the carriage slowed its course and she could finally get out. Even in such an early hour, there were many people rushing somewhere. Wistful thoughts about the peacefulness of Capetown flooded her mind as she was walking towards a hospital on a busy street and made her chest tighten with longing.</p><p>A loud horn brought her back to reality.</p><p>“Hey! Watch where you’re going!”</p><p>“Then stop driving like an asshole!”</p><p>The driver flipped a middle finger at the lady he almost ran over, as she was collecting her things from the pavement while cursing under her breath. Ava’s feet immediately changed direction right to her and she knelt on the ground to help.</p><p>“Oh!” The woman’s face lit up a bit and she genuinely smiled at Ava. “Thank you!”</p><p>“No problem,” Ava retorted with a smile and handed the things to her.</p><p>“You’d be surprised! That’s like the first time someone actually stopped and helped me with something,” she frowned a bit and looked Ava over before her smile widened. <br/>“You’re not from around here, are you?”</p><p>Ava shook her head and the lady nodded like she knew it all along.</p><p>“Yep. Nice people are not born in America, apparently,” she sighed a little bit angrily.</p><p>“Not everyone here is terrible,” Ava disagreed, and her companion laughed while stuffing her things inside a large bag.</p><p>“You’re not here very long then,” she smirked and waved at someone in the distance. “But thanks for the help!”</p><p>Before Ava could reply, the woman ran off and jumped to the passenger seat of a car that honked at her. Shaking her head, the surgeon resumed her walk to Gaffney. But even though she tried really hard, she couldn’t get rid of the thoughts of home.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox</p><p> </p><p>And her day was apparently not getting any better. As she walked inside the ED, there were no signs of Maggie yet. Nor did she see April or Will. So she squared her shoulders and ignored the nurses whispering while making a beeline to doctor’s lounge.</p><p>Where Dr. Lanik was currently seated behind one of the monitors. He looked up as she opened the door, after a quick debate in her own head and admitting that he was the lesser evil there. She politely smiled as she entered.</p><p>“Good morning,” she greeted him and closed the door behind her.</p><p>“Morning, Dr. Bekker,” he replied and she was quite surprised that he really smiled at her.</p><p>She nodded at him and moved to the lockers that were there for the on-call doctors. Dr. Latham invited few of his colleagues to the CT for today, so her floor was full of doctors ready to operate. Ava was a bit ashamed of herself at how quickly she agreed to help out in the ED after her boss hesitantly admitted that all the OR’s were open to the doctors from five different hospitals and they were a bit overstaffed there.</p><p>Getting away from the people in CT, even if only for a day, sounded like heaven back then.</p><p>Now, acutely aware of Lanik’s eyes on her as she dropped her coat, she wasn’t so sure. Quickly stuffing her bag inside the locker and taking her clothes, Ava disappeared inside one of the changing rooms in the back and undressed herself.</p><p>She only got her pants on, when there was a knock on the door. She jumped and covered herself with both hands and the shirt she hasn’t quite managed to put on, before she realized that she locked the door and the person on the other side wasn’t trying to open the door.</p><p>“Yes?” she managed to call out as she quickly pulled the scrubs shirt on.</p><p>“I’m making coffee, you want some?”</p><p>Lanik. Of course.</p><p>“If you don’t mind…”</p><p>“No worries.”</p><p>She waited a while before she was sure he left and then exited the room. He didn’t seem to notice the uncomfortable tension as he handed her a cup of coffee and walked back to his work on the PC. Ava put the cup down for a second to put the clothes inside the locker, where she took her phone, a pen and a stethoscope before locking it.<br/>Then she grabbed the coffee, and when she realized he was watching her again she awkwardly raised the cup a bit.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“Anytime.”</p><p>She smiled tightly before turning away from him. Yeah, she knew that tone. In fact, she was trying really hard to forget it.</p><p>Ava took a sip and begrudgingly had to admit that it was a really good coffee. It still didn’t do much for the nausea which made her think that she had another two hours before she has to take another round of the antiretrovirals.</p><p>She closed her eyes for a second, but immediately snapped them open when the door opened again. It was Connor and he headed straight to her. She felt her body straightening and tensing again but relaxed a fraction, as she noticed he didn’t seem like he wanted to yell at her this time around.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>He even sounded genuine. Ava smiled a bit, hopeful.</p><p>“Hello, Connor.”</p><p>“Uhm,” he hesitated and walked behind her. She had to bite her tongue to not move away. “How’s the hand?”</p><p>That made her bring the limb in question up and look at it.</p><p>“It’s much better,” she replied honestly, as she pulled it down his eyes tracking the movement. “The nausea from the meds though…”</p><p>His face fell slightly, and he nodded sympathetically. When he looked her over, she wasn’t feeling uncomfortable, as his gaze wasn’t intrusive like Lanik’s.</p><p>“It’s my fault,” she said lightly, even though her mind drifted off to the look on Beth’s face, when she was cut. “I should’ve moved my hand out of the way.”</p><p>“Yeah, well,” he shook his head and she clearly saw the guilt on his face. “Maybe I could’ve been more careful.”</p><p>She opened her mouth, but Connor looked behind her and frowned a bit. Ava turned her head as well and saw Lanik nonchalantly turning pages of the book next to him. Connor moved his head a bit motioning to her and she nodded and followed him away from the Chief of Trauma.</p><p>She was anxious about what he could say to her now, when they were basically alone. He still looked apologetic when he started to talk.</p><p>“Look, I am sorry that I haven’t been able to come by and check on you.”</p><p>Ava smiled bitterly. Did you not have time or were you wondering if I cut myself on purpose as Beth told apparently everyone in this hospital?<br/>But she wanted to be the better person here.</p><p>“It’s okay,” she said quietly. “I know we are not…”</p><p>Together. Couple.</p><p>Your girl…</p><p>“…in the best of places. Right now.”</p><p>He nodded and seemed to be as down as she felt, which warmed her a bit as well as made her feel guilty.</p><p>“Yeah,” he agreed, but before he could speak, the door opened again.</p><p>“Dr. Rhodes,” Gwen’s voice was sharp, she was obviously angry as she walked to the CT surgeons. “Once again, you are doing your best to ruin my day.”</p><p>Ava moved out of the way, feeling the start of a headache at the piercing voice of their COO. Turning to Connor, Ava whispered in what she hoped was reassuring voice of someone, who wasn’t going to listen in to the scolding of someone else.</p><p>“Maybe I should go.”</p><p>She was stopped by Garrett as soon as she said it.</p><p>“No, no. You stay Dr. Bekker. This concerns you too,” she clarified with a pointed glare at her. Connor looked confusedly at her, and Ava felt her heartbeat picking up.</p><p>Behind Gwen, she saw Lanik move and deeply prayed, that the COO would keep her voice down. But Gwen seemed to like humiliating the doctors in front of an audience.</p><p>“Two months ago, you operated on a gunshot victim, Shawn Corcoran,” she raised a brow at Connor.</p><p>“Yeah,” he agreed, and Gwen turned to Ava.</p><p>“And you assisted?”</p><p>Ava only nodded. She knew this was going to bite them in the ass. Thankfully, Gwen turned back to Connor so Ava could school her expression a bit.</p><p>“He died,” she said bluntly, to which Connor could only nod tightly.</p><p>Ava saw his jaw clench a bit. But Gwen continued.</p><p>“And someone is alleging that you brought him to the ICU with his abdomen left open when you should have closed him. And then, you lightened his anesthesia prematurely all contributing to his death.”</p><p>Ava couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and apparently her colleague felt the same way. She tried to ignore Lanik’s eyes that were boring into her and asked.</p><p>“Who made these allegations?”</p><p>“It was an anonymous complaint,” was the answer Gwen gave her before turning back to Connor.</p><p>Ava frowned and looked suspiciously at Lanik who turned his head back to his work.</p><p>“Unfortunately, the Hospital oversight committee is obliged to do a root cause analysis into the case,” the COO continued.</p><p>“You’ll both be interviewed.”</p><p>Connor nodded while Ava shook her head disbelievingly. Someone has been talking and she would have bet that Lanik knew something about it.</p><p>“Then what?” Connor asked and brought Ava back to the conversation.</p><p>Gwen hesitated a bit, but not because she was compassionate but mostly to show them, that she had a big say in this.</p><p>“Well… If the committee finds that the charges have merit, you Dr. Rhodes will be brought before Peer review board.”</p><p>Ava felt her heart stop for a second. This was not bad. This was a catastrophe waiting to happen.</p><p>“But hopefully that does not happen. Your hybrid OR has cost this hospital a fortune, but it has made for some good PR,” Gwen said as she stepped warningly closer to Connor. “The last thing I need, is a scandal involving its chief.”</p><p>With that she glared at both of them one last time before turning and exiting the room like she didn’t just put a sword above their heads. Ava swallowed and whispered urgently.</p><p>“Connor,” he turned slightly to her as she spoke. “Peer review? You could lose your license…”</p><p>She voiced her thoughts and stared at him in concern while he watched Gwen disappear into the elevator. He exhaled and his voice was detached.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Ava bit her lip and went to put a comforting hand on his shoulder as she done so many times in the past months but aborted the move when she realized that it was not her right to do so anymore. Much less in front of Lanik.</p><p>Connor hesitated as well when he saw her move and smiled tightly in her direction. The smile never reached his eyes.</p><p>“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it,” he said softly, his voice taking a tone that he used around her before…</p><p>Before.</p><p>“Connor…,” she started, his attention solely on her, but they were interrupted by two pagers going off.</p><p>She picked it up immediately and saw in the corner of her eye Lanik doing the same. Ava looked up when she realized what it means.</p><p>“Multiple car crash, looks like we’re getting busy this morning. Bekker, you’re with me,” Lanik said as he stood up and then waved in Connor’s general direction without actually looking at him. “You should prepare your stage, Rhodes, it’s gonna get messy.”</p><p>With that he walked out to Maggie who appeared almost immediately and started giving orders not only to her, but to everyone around. Ava bit back a sigh and looked at Connor who nodded at her.</p><p>“I’ll catch you before the interviews.”</p><p>She nodded and ran out of the lounge just as the sound of sirens neared the hospital.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“Incoming!”</p><p>“19-year old male, BP 80 over 60, GCS 7. Unresponsive. Went head-first into steering wheel, no airbags. Seatbelt crushed his sternum, possibly bleeding inside his chest cavity…”</p><p>Lanik pointed at the Hybrid room.</p><p>“Rhodes, that one’s yours.”</p><p>Connor nodded and Ava hastily moved out of his way as he took over the patient. The doors opened again at the same time Will and Ethan joined Ava. They all exchanged grave nods.</p><p>“26-year old female, BP 130 over 80. She’s in shock with visibly broken arm and contusions from airbags…”</p><p>“Dr. Halstead,” Lanik ordered and looked at Maggie who furiously tapped on her pager before deciding.</p><p>“You’re in 5.”</p><p>Will nodded and immediately went to the patient. Sylvie Brett then went through and her colleague performed CPR while they wheeled in.</p><p>“Choi!” Lanik barked out without hesitation at the sight.</p><p>“24-year old male, no seatbelt, went straight through windshield. Flatlined in the ambulance.”</p><p>“How long?”</p><p>“Less than three minutes.”</p><p>“Okay. Maggie?” Ethan turned to the head nurse.</p><p>“Take 4.”</p><p>They quickly disappeared there followed by two nurses. Ava was ready for her patient when Maggie’s pager went off. The surgeon turned to her and raised a brow.</p><p>“Last patient is still on the scene. She’s talking, but it’s possible that she’s bleeding inside.”</p><p>“Do we have an estimate time?” Ava asked and moved closer.</p><p>Maggie shook her head and looked back at the pager when it went off again.</p><p>“At least 45 minutes, her lower body is crushed by the car. A traffic light fell on it, they have to be careful because of the electricity.”</p><p>Ava nodded and turned to Lanik, but before she could speak, he already voiced her thoughts.</p><p>“Get your things and jump into the ambulance to get there. Try to keep her alive before they extricate her.”</p><p>“Got it.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox</p><p> </p><p>Even with the sirens on, it was still a ten minute drive to the site of the accident. Ava jumped out of the ambulance as soon as they slowed enough to be safe to do that and took off running to the smoking car surrounded by firefighters.</p><p>One of the police officers, who was trying to keep the onlookers at bay, saw her and immediately yelled out.</p><p>“Make space, people! Doctor coming through!”</p><p>While Ava appreciated his effort, the crowd only turned around to look at her without moving an inch. She was glad that that some of them at least took a step back, and she was pretty sure that she nailed someone with her medical bag.</p><p>She ducked under the yellow police tape while still running. The firefighters, god bless them, moved out of her way immediately. Ava dropped her bag on the ground and moved to the woman stuck inside the car.</p><p>“Hello, my name is Dr. Bekker, I’m here to help-“</p><p>She stopped herself when the woman looked at her. Even though she was grimacing slightly, her eyes were relieved. She seemed to recognize her as well.</p><p>“Y-ou…”</p><p>“Don’t try to speak, please, the seatbelt must’ve sliced you in your neck,” Ava advised immediately and put her hand there to stop the blood flowing.</p><p>Ava turned her head to ask one of the firefighters for a gauze, but there was already someone handing it. She looked up at Casey and smiled slightly.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>With that she turned back to the woman whose breathing got harsher. While putting pressure on the woman’s neck she quickly assessed her.</p><p>Her legs were bent at an awkward angle under the metal of the car. But her abdomen and chest were more concerning. One look at the destroyed dash confirmed Ava’s grim thoughts.</p><p>“I need you to move your head slightly from left to right,” she told her patient in calm voice and put both of her hands on the woman’s neck to support it, while she did as Ava asked. “Good. Now, can you try and move your hands for me, please?”</p><p>That took more effort and the woman grimaced again, but her hands rose. Ava took her left hand and put it on the gauze on the neck.</p><p>“Keep it here for me and try to concentrate on holding it there, okay? I’m going to get an IV for you.”</p><p>Ava waited for her patient to sluggishly nod before getting out of her crouched position half inside the car. She immediately went for her bag and turned to Casey.</p><p>“Can you move a bit faster? She is not looking good,” she whispered urgently so her patient won’t hear.</p><p>“We’re doing our best!” huffed one of the firefighters on her left that Ava recognized from another truck. Casey shot him a look before turning to Ava.</p><p>“We’ll split the pole and try to pull up the hood a bit so we can move her,” the captain said while he nodded to his men.</p><p>“Just do it quick, please,” Ava said and looked right at Casey, hoping that her tone was less harsh than her words.</p><p>His eyes were kind when he nodded before turning to the task at hand. Ava took her supplies and got into the car again. The woman’s breathing was even worse than before. Outside, they started to lift the traffic pole and Ava saw her patient panic a bit at the unexpected noise.</p><p>“They need to move everything out of the way, so we can get you out,” Ava explained and put a hand on the woman’s face to make her look away from what was happening in front of them.</p><p>“I do-don’t want… t’ die,” she rasped out.</p><p>“You are not-“</p><p>“Watch out!”</p><p>Ava barely had the time to react when strong arms wrapped themselves around her waist and pulled her out of the car. She heard her patient scream in horror and couldn’t contain the gasp as she painfully hit the ground before she was rolled over and covered by the man.</p><p>A crash sounded in the distance and she could feel a few electricity sparks hit one of her legs which made her instinctively jerk the limb. The body immediately rose up a bit, and she was met with worried blue eyes staring down at her.</p><p>“You okay?” Casey asked and she nodded.</p><p>He stood up and helped her to her feet as well. They both charged back to the car where the woman was screaming in terror and the firefighters gathered around couldn’t make her stop. Ava got to her and slapped her. She immediately stopped.</p><p>“I’m really sorry,” Ava offered and put the gauze that slipped from the woman’s grasp back to the wound. “There really was no other way.”</p><p>“Pull!”</p><p>“It’s moving.”</p><p>Ava looked outside and felt relief wash over her as it seemed like they were finally getting somewhere. Then a hand touched her shoulder and she turned around to Casey.</p><p>“Is she OK to move? We can get in and pull her out.”</p><p>“She is,” Ava nodded and moved out of the way.</p><p>The surgeon was a bit nervous as they got to work but noted with relief that the ambo was back again and both paramedics from 51 jumped out with a gurney. Turning back to the car, she saw the firefighters carefully lifting the woman out of the car.</p><p>Ava stepped closer and helped them situate the patient on a gurney that was rolled there.</p><p>“How’s she looking?” Brett asked and Ava grimaced as she watched the woman lose consciousness.</p><p>“Not good. She’s definitely bleeding inside, and her legs aren’t looking good either.”</p><p>They started walking to the ambulance while hooking the patient to the heart monitor, oxygen and inserting IV’s. Casey, Herrmann and Otis helped them get the gurney inside the ambo. Sylvie turned to Foster.</p><p>“Em, you driving?”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>And with that she jumped out and ran to the driver’s side. Herrmann and Otis got out as well, but Casey hesitated and brushed his palm against Ava’s left cheek, which surprised the doctor.</p><p>“You should get that checked out,” he said gently but with a serious undertone while he looked at her scraped cheekbone.</p><p>She only nodded, too tongue-tied to answer and then he was gone, closing the door and banging his fist against it. Ava grabbed instinctively something behind her so she wouldn’t fall when they started moving.</p><p>She was looking at his disappearing face for whole five seconds before mentally kicking herself to be a doctor again. Only then she broke their eye contact and turned to Brett to help the patient.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. No way to win</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Are you ready for Ava to have actually some background?!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“This isn’t good,” Ava said tightly to Sylvie, as she watched the EKG monitor in front of her. “Her heartbeat is erratic, but no pressure drops.”</p><p>The paramedic nodded as she grabbed intubation set while Ava dug around in her medical bag to find a needle. Just then the patient’s pressure started to drop.</p><p>“Well, you jinxed it,” muttered Sylvie as she fought to put the tube in. “She’s tense.”</p><p>“I’m giving her TPI,” Ava informed and quickly pushed the needle in the neck muscle, while being very careful not to hit the carotid artery.</p><p>Sylvie nodded in thanks as she was finally able to intubate and they both waited anxiously a second before the woman was stable. The CT surgeon still shook her head disapprovingly at the monitor to which she pointed.</p><p>“This doesn’t look good. The heart probably took damage as well – we’ve been giving her meds for the pain and blood flow, but it didn’t do much.”</p><p>“Agreed,” Sylvie nodded looking at the monitor as well while pushing on the Ambu bag. “She might go in V-fib if the strain won’t stop.”</p><p>Ava grimly nodded and looked outside and felt relieved when she saw that they were approaching Med. Both women got up from their seats and expertly moved around the ambulance to move out as quickly as possible.</p><p>Foster slammed the brakes and the ambulance halted. Immediately the staff was opening the doors and helping them wheel the patient in. Ava quickly searched the ER for the head nurse and started speaking as soon as Maggie appeared next to them.</p><p>“27-year old female, BP 86 over 50. She lost consciousness about eleven minutes ago. Intubated about two minutes ago. The dashboard crushed her legs and probably some of her internal organs. No ultrasound yet. I need an OR upstairs, immediately, and a CT assist.”</p><p>Maggie nodded and quickly tapped on her pager before announcing.</p><p>“In 3.”</p><p>The wheeled in next to the hospital bed and grabbed the patient.</p><p>“On my count – one, two, three!”</p><p>Everyone lifted the patient of the gurney and Ava noted that the patient didn’t stir. Not good. Then the surgeon turned to the paramedics.</p><p>“Thank you, we got it.”</p><p>“Good luck,” Sylvie wished them as they hurried out of the hospital back to the scene.</p><p>Ava nodded at one of the nurses that joined them as well.</p><p>“Take over the bagging, please. Give me an ultrasound and draw blood, she’s gonna need a transfusion.”</p><p>Everyone moved into action and Ava put the ultrasound probe immediately on the belly of the patient. She frowned and shook her head minutely at what she was seeing.</p><p>“She’s bleeding, but it might stop on its own, we’ll monitor that,” she put the probe away and moved to the patient’s chest while she put on a stethoscope.</p><p>“Ava, Dr. Latham left you OR 6. Dr. Kovalevsky can assist,” Maggie stepped inside.</p><p>“Tell them we’re on our way.”</p><p>“Got it. Your patient name is Jayne Rivers, her parents have been already contacted. Her brother Brett was wheeled in first.”</p><p>Ava cursed under her breath as they moved around before asking.</p><p>“Connor or Ethan?”</p><p>“Ethan.”</p><p>“Okay. We’re good – can you get us through?”</p><p>Maggie nodded and motioned them to follow her to the elevator where doctors and nurses scurried out of the way as Maggie yelled.</p><p>“Move, move! CT floor.”</p><p>One radiologist quickly pushed the right button and helped them inside before stepping out again. Ava’s stare was fixed on the young woman’s face as the door closed and the cabin started moving. Unmoving and pale, the woman looked so fragile.</p><p>Not at all like the fiery spirit that she met not even an hour ago.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“That was a very precise work.”</p><p>The heavy accented praise broken the silence as they washed their hands in the sink. Ava didn’t spare her colleague a look as she watched like a hawk as the staff wheeled Jayne out of the OR and straight to the ICU.</p><p>Her head was pounding.</p><p>“I can only imagine, why would the hospital’s top CT surgeon choose to leave her territory when she can show off to other surgeons who came from all around the world.”</p><p>Ava grimaced, not wanting to continue this conversation, turned off the water and faced the doctor next to her.</p><p>“You are the only one out of Dr. Latham’s colleagues who isn’t American,” she pointed out. “And you’re also working in Minnesota, so that was hardly a trip around the world for you.”</p><p>With that she moved to walk around him, but he turned the water off as well and straightened out. When he smiled, he looked genuine but there was still something hard and dangerous in his face. He noticed her tense posture and took a step back with his hands mildly raised.</p><p>“Obviously, that doesn’t mean the Russian blood disappears,” he tilted his head a bit and looked her straight in the eyes. “The same way you cannot forget about your own.”</p><p>She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.</p><p>“What exactly are you trying to say?”</p><p>His smile turned softer while he nodded to the quiet and empty OR.</p><p>“You may not know our patient, but you know her story.”</p><p>“Are you really accusing me of being compassionate?” She raised her brow disbelievingly.</p><p>“No,” he shook his head and watched her intently. “I’m saying that you seemed to project your own history onto her.”</p><p>“I’m not-“</p><p>“And you are mad, that I am pointing it out to you, because you are well aware of this fact.”</p><p>Ava was speechless, so when the door opened, she felt the relief coursing through her at the interruption. Dr. Choi entered the room and abruptly stopped.</p><p>“Ava, I… oh, sorry.”</p><p>Ava shook her head and smiled lightly at Choi before turning to Dr. Kovalevsky who was watching her with an unreadable expression on his face.</p><p>“Thank you, for the assist,” she emphasized and saw his lips twitch upward. “Dr. Latham is probably waiting for you, Dr. Kovalevsky.”</p><p>The Russian took his phone and moved to the door.</p><p>“Thank you, Dr. Bekker. Dr. Choi.” And with that, he swiftly walked out.</p><p>“How’s your patient?” Ava turned to Ethan immediately before he could start questioning her as well.</p><p>She saw him falter and nodded with a heavy heart. Her eyes drifted to the hollow OR again. To the woman she fought to save, just to tell her, that someone very close to have not been that lucky.</p><p>“She’ll be up in a few hours,” Ava whispered quietly then and saw Ethan move closer to her.</p><p>“I’ll go with you,” he assured her in a calm voice but matched her volume. There was a second where they were just standing there before he continued. “Brett’s compatible with one of Nat’s patients.”</p><p>Ava sighed.</p><p>“Are their parents here?”</p><p>“Not yet.”</p><p>“We should talk to them first, when they arrive. Before taking them to see their daughter.”</p><p>Ethan frowned questioningly.</p><p>“He chose her be the one to decide in case anything happened to him.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ava nodded and turned to face him. Her eyes had a faraway look in them. “But she just lost her brother. Either she’ll be in denial or angry. Or both. And before she decides what is the right thing to do, Brett’s organs will lose their viability. In a case like this, we’ll be backed by our legal department.”</p><p>Before he could answer, the door opened again, and Beth walked in. She looked at Ava with barely concealed disdain in her face. Ava could feel her headache intensifying.</p><p>“Dr. Bekker, they are expecting you to… testify.”</p><p>The fact that even Ethan’s eyes flashed angrily when he heard the scrub nurses’ tone aimed at his colleague forced Ava to intervene before the situation could escalate.</p><p>“Thank you.” She said to the scrub nurse who walked out without a backwards glance or any acknowledgement to her superior.</p><p>“Is she-“</p><p>Ava put her hand up tiredly and looked at Ethan pleadingly.</p><p>“Forget it.”</p><p>“Ava-“</p><p>But she wasn’t listening to him anymore, as she grabbed her phone and headed to the doctor’s lounge to retrieve her medical coat. It was time to save Connor’s career. She refused to let him down.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>She was more than glad that Lanik seemed to be way too busy to engage in a conversation with her, so she easily slipped away from the ED. On her way to the hearing, it seemed even harder to ignore the looks sent her way, but Ava clenched her fists inside the pockets of her coat and relaxed only when she sat down in the hall to wait before they call her in.</p><p>Fumbling a bit with the bottle of pills she grabbed hastily with her coat, she took a deep breath to calm the nausea and headache. Carefully pulling one of the pills was hard as she could feel her hands shake a bit.</p><p>Ava cursed as she was able to swallow the pill with a chug of water on her third attempt. Then she bowed her head down, closed her eyes and clenched her fists that she laid tightly across her thighs.</p><p>As a doctor, she knew that it will take a few minutes before they will have any effect on her, but as a human being, she just wished the stabbing pain behind her eyelids and churning of her mostly empty stomach would disappear immediately.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>She pulled her head up and blinked a few times before his face stopped looking like a blurry shadow. The concern on his face was almost visible so she determinately stood up, which she almost regretted the second the world started spinning.</p><p>He grabbed her instinctively and she straightened herself by grabbing onto his forearms.</p><p>“Hey! Easy. You know, I can tell them that you are not feeling well enough to do this-“</p><p>“No!”</p><p>Ava interrupted him and stepped away. His hands hovered for a second before he apparently deemed her capable of standing on her own. She continued stubbornly before he could talk her out of it.</p><p>“The committee is already running a little behind. That probably means they are pre-discussing the outcome-“</p><p>“Ava, you are blameless, in all of this. I made every decision in the OR,” he interrupted her this time and she felt the frustration seeping through her as well as the nausea.</p><p>She wasn’t able to sort through her own thoughts due to the almost blinding headache and she didn’t know how to tell him clearly, so he could understand, that she was worried about his career as well. That he might voiced the orders, but if he didn’t, she would have.</p><p>If he told her that Will’s life was on the line instead of skirting around it. She would have chosen Will over their patient as quickly as Connor did.</p><p>And with that, Ava realized that it doesn’t matter that her thoughts might not make much sense. But she needed him to understand, that even though they are no longer together, he is still important to her and she cares about him.</p><p>She inhaled but before she could speak, Gwen’s voice called her name.</p><p>“Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>She turned around to face the COO.</p><p>“They’re ready for you.”</p><p>Turning around, she knew that there was no time to explain. She looked into his eyes for a second and hoped that he will understand. That he will forgive her for saving him.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“Dr. Bekker, you assisted Dr. Rhodes when he operated on Mr. Corcoran.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Do you believe that he knowingly put Mr. Corcoran’s life in jeopardy?”</p><p>Yes. Because if he didn’t wake him up, Tim Burke would have put a bullet in Will’s head.</p><p>“No,” she lied and hoped they couldn’t hear her heart beating wildly inside her chest. “All of Dr. Rhodes’ decisions were medically absolutely sound.”</p><p>“And is that your personal or objective opinion?”</p><p>She turned to the man that she never seen besides the one time she met the board. Of course he knew about her relationship with Connor, they filed the necessary documentation so they could freely be a couple while working.</p><p>She straightened and looked right into his eyes.</p><p>“You can look up Mr. Corcoran’s file. His injuries were severe. We did everything we could, but in such cases, there is just damage that cannot be undone no matter how hard we try.”</p><p>He didn’t acknowledge her at all, but Dr. Latham backed her up.</p><p>“I have given my expertise on Mr. Corcoran’s injuries, and I can only agree with Dr. Bekker’s statement.”</p><p>“So, you usually lighten patient’s anesthesia in such severe cases?” The man continued to press.</p><p>“Lightening anesthesia is a very common procedure. The more time a patient spends in a medically induced sleep, the more they are inclined to develop a fever, infections, respiratory problems-“</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Ava felt her teeth clink together as she snapped her mouth shut. Her hands clenched lightly again, and she opened her mouth again to defend herself, but Gwen interrupted her.</p><p>“That will be all for now, Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>Her eyes drifted to Latham’s who shook his head imperceptibly. She stood up and followed Gwen out of the room. Connor was waiting anxiously outside, and Ava barely spared him a glance, worried that he’ll see something in her face, that will give away the fact that she was unabashedly lying on his behalf, as he disappeared inside with Gwen.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, she put one hand on the wall, nausea overwhelming her again. She sat down and touched her finger feeling the slightly raised skin where she was cut. Dropping the hand as soon as she realized what she was doing and clenching the injured one in a fist.</p><p>She hated this.</p><p>Lying. Yet she felt like she did nothing but that. Closing her eyes, Ava tried to suppress the memories trying to overwhelm her and she wished for nothing but getting in bed and sleeping for a week.</p><p>She’ll call Malik tomorrow.</p><p>Just thinking about it made her shiver. He will anticipate her call, like he always does. He’ll try to make her talk and they will end up arguing before they’ll both go outside and take a walk in complete silence, call not interrupted.</p><p>And she will wish, that she could be there, and he would stand right next to her and hold her hand. But he won’t be able to.<br/>Because he’ll be 21 hours away from her in Capetown.</p><p>“You told them, that I did everything in the patient’s best interest?”</p><p>She opened her eyes and stood up. Her mind still drifting in Africa.</p><p>“Yeah,” she agreed distractedly and tried to read his expression.</p><p>“You and I both know that some of my actions were questionable.”</p><p>Some? She wanted to tell him but promised Will and Jay to keep a secret the fact that she knew about the whole ordeal.</p><p>“Uhm,” she searched her mind for a justifiable excuse before blurting out. “We have no way of knowing if they had any effect on the outcome-“</p><p>“Still,” he interrupted her and this time, she was able to see what he felt. Anger. “The Oversight committee should have heard-“</p><p>Well, she was angry now too.</p><p>“Why?” She stopped him harshly. “So you could face Peer review and lose your license?”</p><p>She couldn’t help but chuckle with a bit of hysteria. Because she was trying to help him, and he couldn’t see it.</p><p>“Connor, I did it for you,” she clarified herself and blinked as she could feel her vision start to swim again.</p><p>And then she saw someone else in front of her whom she tried to save too. Her throat tightened at the memory and she could feel her eyes pricking. Ava felt her mouth move and repeat the same words she said 5 years ago.</p><p>“I’d do anything for you.”</p><p>Then she turned around. She had to walk away, she needed quiet, she needed sleep, she needed… The second Ava turned around the corner she took off into the bathroom inside the on-call’s room and barged inside where she fell to her knees in front of the toilet and vomited.</p><p>When she was done, she flushed the toilet and stumbled to the sink. Splashing cold water on her face helped her a bit. She was aware of her surroundings, no blackness before her eyes. Looking at herself in the mirror she was appalled at her reflection.</p><p>Her eyes were red and full of unshed tears, pupils blown. She was pale with sweat sticking her hair to her face. And she was shaking and swaying slightly in place. She couldn’t suppress the sob that tore out of her and her palm immediately flew up to her mouth to smother the sound.</p><p>Ava turned her back to the sink and slid down to the floor. Unconsciously pulling her phone out, her fingers performed the deeply ingrained dance. She put the phone to her ear and watched her foot tapping anxiously against the tiles.</p><p>The call was answered almost immediately.</p><p>“Ava?”</p><p>The world stopped spinning and just from the one word, she could feel more tethered to the world. She slowly exhaled.</p><p>“Malik… I… Can we take a walk?”</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Have a little faith in me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just love writing Ava actually interacting with others.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Mr. a Mrs. Rivers?” Ava asked softly and waited before the couple turned to her. “I am Dr. Ava Bekker and this is Dr. Ethan Choi.”</p><p>Her colleague nodded at the pair. They looked dazed, in shock. Haven’t comprehended yet the fact that their child is dead. Ava motioned for them to sit around the table and they complied without any questions. The doctors took their seats as well.</p><p>“I treated Jonah when he was brought in. He sustained very serious trauma to the head as well as to his chest. We managed to get his heart beating again, but the CT scans showed unrepairable damage…”</p><p>The woman started crying softly and her husband grabbed her hand, his own eyes moist but he still motioned for Ethan to continue.</p><p>“Our neurologist confirmed that Jonah is brain dead. I’m very sorry, Mr. a Mrs. Rivers,” he finished with compassion clearly visible through his voice.</p><p>The father took a deep breath and swiped away the few tears that have escaped before looking expectantly at Ava.</p><p>“Your daughter was brought with serious injuries as well, but at this moment, she is stabilized. Unfortunately, I can’t take you to her at this moment because she was brought back in for a second surgery because of the bleed to her liver,” Ava spoken in a soft but steady voice.</p><p>The parents nodded and Ava looked at Ethan who broke the silence.</p><p>“We know how hard it is for you to be making any kind of decisions, but we have to ask you. Jonah’s organs can be donated to some of our patients and even to a few that are miles away from here. We don’t want to pressure you-“</p><p>“We agree,” the woman spoke for the first time and even though her voice was scratchy she seemed determined.</p><p>“Do we need to sign something…?” her husband followed with a question and Ava slid the tablet that she brought with her closer to them.</p><p>“This is the consent form. Jonah put down his sister name as the one who can choose about this, but since she is not conscious and the viability is decreasing, you are legally allowed to do this instead of her.”</p><p>They both nodded and drew their signature. With that the doctors parted with them with a few quiet words and left them in the room to grieve together. As soon as they were few halls away, Ethan turned to her.</p><p>“Okay, I’m done looking at your bruised face, c’mon.”</p><p>The fact that she didn’t even argue with him showed how exhausting this day was for her. Ethan thankfully chose an empty on-call room where he headed straight for the cabinet that contained the first aid kit, while Ava sat down on one of the beds.</p><p>Her colleague grabbed a chair and sat in front of her. She dutifully turned her head until he was satisfied and started to clean the little cut.</p><p>“It’s small but it’s definitely gonna bruise,” he informed her as he applied a band aid there.</p><p>Ava sighed but didn’t move before he put his hands down.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said and made a move to stand but his hand on her shoulder stopped her.</p><p>“Ava, if anyone in the CT is bothering you, I can back you up if you decide to report them. I mean I saw how Beth acted and-“</p><p>“Ethan,” she interrupted with another sigh. “Thank you, really. But… I don’t think it’s a good idea to make a big deal out of this right now.”</p><p>She pointedly looked at him and he tightly nodded. His eyes told her, that he wasn’t very happy about it, even though he understood why she didn’t want to do it. Ava smiled a little and put her hand over his.</p><p>“I appreciate it though.”</p><p>He reciprocated her smile before they both stood up. As they walked out of the room he turned to her again.</p><p>“Wanna go with me and April to Molly’s, grab a beer?”</p><p>“Tempting,” she smiled a bit but shook her head. “But with the meds, the only thing I want now is a bed and some crackers.”</p><p>Ethan nodded sympathetically before grinning.</p><p>“Well, the offer will still sand once you’re feeling better.”</p><p>And with that, his pager went off, and he apologetically made a gesture to the ambulance bay. She waved at him as he took off running before making her way to the doctor’s lounge.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>She could feel the exhaustion in every cell of her body as she slowly made her way down the stairs. Refusing to grab the railing for support was her biggest regret at the second but then she looked up and saw Connor sitting on one of the benches there.</p><p>He looked tired as well. Ava changed her route and walked towards him. Trying to push down the hope, that he was waiting here for her to thank her for having his back, she did her best to at least smile a little.</p><p>“What are you doing out here?” she asked and looked around. People were leaving the hospital as well as the night shift was filling in. “Aren’t you coming home?”</p><p>He was fiddling with his hands but when he looked up, Ava could feel herself growing apprehensive.</p><p>“I’ve been thinking.”</p><p>Her knuckles turned white where she gripped her bag.</p><p>“Who was in the hybrid OR. Who knew about my decision, who had the expertise… to judge it.”</p><p>She tried to wrap her head around what he was saying. She listed through the people who were there and pulled out names that she thought made sense.</p><p>“You think it was Marty? Sophia?”</p><p>His frown seemed to deepen. </p><p>“No, if they’ve had a problem, they would’ve raised it at the time.”</p><p>She nodded slightly not really knowing what he was getting at. Her heart started to beat faster. Should she tell him, that she thought it was Beth? Maybe in collaboration with Lanik? Her hand hurt as she squeezed the strap of her bag with unnecessary force, but as she opened her mouth to voice her concerns, he spoke again.</p><p>“I think it was you.”</p><p>She closed her mouth. The worst thing about his statement was the fact, that she was kind of expecting it from him. It made her heart ache.</p><p>“What?” Ava still asked disbelievingly, even though she knew it was pointless.</p><p>His eyes were shining with something akin to disgust. And she hated it. How could he think that?</p><p>“I defended you,” Ava reminded him with a disbelieving and slightly hysteric chuckle.</p><p>“Exactly.” He stepped in before she could continue. “You–You’re like a pyromaniac that sets fire just to put it out.”</p><p>Her eyes started to sting, she could feel the tears. But she refused to cry in front of him, so she looked to the side and blinked them away before meeting his gaze dead on.</p><p>“Why in the God’s name would I do that?” Ava bitterly asked instead of telling him to go to hell and stomping off.</p><p>“The same reason you slept with my father and put your hand where you knew I would cut it-“</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>“-to keep me tied to you.”</p><p>He did not just tell her that. The disbelief quickly faded to anger. Disgust. And the feeling of hopelessness, when… She did snap at him this time.</p><p>“Risk my health?!”</p><p>Few people turned their heads in their direction, but she only watched Connor’s face that was pulled into a stone mask. But his eyes. She was so ready to tell him what happened, but he interrupted her once again.</p><p>“Like you said, you’d do anything, right?”</p><p>Her breath caught in her throat. Everything he said, felt like a slap to her face. But this one… This one pierced straight through her heart. He didn’t have any right to use his words.</p><p>“This is insane,” Ava said, and she felt her voice waver.</p><p>And as he stood up and moved towards her, she took a tiny step back, but immediately steeled herself. Not again. She will NOT feel like this ever again.</p><p>“My God, can you hear yourself?!” She spat out defensively.</p><p>“Ava, I think you have a problem and I think you need to get some help.”</p><p>The way his voice sounded so patronizing made her anger grow. And she took a step back against the onslaught of his words. Shaking her head, she spoke more quietly, but with the same passion.</p><p>“I’ve done nothing but support you. And help you,” she reminded him and even she could feel the tears in her voice. “You’re the one with the problem, Connor. You’re the one who should get some help.”</p><p>And without waiting for him to accuse her of God knows what else, she took off. Only after she was halfway home, she realized she was walking the entire time and not taking the subway. When she stopped gripping her bag, she felt pain coursing through her fingers and swiped at her face with them, only to find that the tears she was keeping in her eyes found their way out down her cheeks.</p><p>This was a nightmare. And she had no idea, how to wake up from it.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>Ava blearily pulled her hand from underneath the blanket and heavily dropped it on the bedside table where she fumbled a bit before she was able to grab her phone properly. She blinked a few times and narrowed her eyes to see who it was. With a sigh she accepted the call and put the phone to her ear while dropping back to the pillow and closing her eyes.</p><p>“Hey, Maggie. I’m not in the hospital, it’s my day off,” she said around a yawn and didn’t bother to add, that it’s a day off she requested very late and only thanks to Dr. Latham, who pushed it through because ever since she got the job here, she never asked for one, her wish was being granted.</p><p>“Yes, I know,” Maggie answered, and her voice turned a bit serious before she managed to sound cheerful again. “Get dressed because we’re about 15 minutes from your apartment.”</p><p>“What?” Ava mumbled and opened her eyes to look at the clock on the wall to her left. “It’s half past eight in the morning-“</p><p>“Exactly,” she was interrupted. “The best time to be up. Now you’re on 12 minutes, so chop chop.”</p><p>“Wait – what did you mean by “we”? Maggie I-“</p><p>She was met with a dial tone and immediately cursed. She hung up. Ava sighed again but managed to get out of the bed, shower and brush her teeth faster than she thought was humanly possible. While she was rummaging her closet to figure out what to wear, she heard the bell ring.</p><p>Zipping up her jeans she grabbed a pair of socks and padded to her door. Punching in the com, she was met with a cheerful voice of the head nurse.</p><p>“We’re here!”</p><p>“C’mon up,” Ava said almost entirely emotionless. Before the gears in her head started turning. Who could Maggie bring up with her?</p><p>April had a shift today, so she was out of the question. So was Will and Ethan for that matter. Ava’s heart clenched, but she prayed to every god she didn’t believe in, that it was not Connor. Her heart started beating faster because she knew she could not face him so soon after last night.</p><p>She just couldn’t. Not because she was worried about what he would say to her, but more because she was worried what she would say to him.</p><p>Before she could spiral more, there was a sharp knock on her door. Swiftly she put her socks on and before she could talk herself out of it, she grabbed handle and opened the door. Then she had to blink in surprise.</p><p>“Hey!” Maggie greeted her and give her a hug.</p><p>“Hi, Maggie,” Ava answered automatically, and her gaze shifted to Natalie who smiled softly at her. “Hi, Nat.”</p><p>“Hey, Ava.”</p><p>They both looked at her almost bare feet expectantly and she sheepishly ducked back inside to grab her bag and put on the boots.</p><p>“Just a second!” she promised and when she came back and locked the door, she piped out. “So. Where are we going?”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“It’s the middle of the winter and there’s a street fair,” Maggie said with her eyes shining while she dragged both Ava and Natalie through the narrow path between the stalls surrounding them.</p><p>With her arms linked through both of the doctors’ own, they had no choice but to follow her. Ava had to admit that she was a bit worried about the fact that she and Nat weren’t exactly close, but the Ped’s doctor was super nice to her. Despite what she probably heard about the CT surgeon.</p><p>For Ava that was enough at the moment.</p><p>“Oh, look at that!” Maggie suddenly exclaimed and grabbed a dress that apparently caught her eye.</p><p>She held it against her and looked at her companions for their judgement. Ava exchanged a glance with Natalie and let her handle the answer.</p><p>“Well I like that it’s strapless,” Nat concluded with her head tilted slightly to the left as she observed the dress.</p><p>“Yeah?” Maggie smiled and looked at Ava who nodded and smiled a bit as well.</p><p>“But it’s a summer dress, it’s just gonna sit in your closet, you know?” Nat continued while Ava smiled sympathetically at the head nurse.</p><p>“You’re right,” Maggie agreed with a little frown before hanging the dress back. But not leaving without talking to the saleswoman who was watching them with a kind smile on her face. “I’ll be back in the spring.”</p><p>“Okay,” the woman agreed, and Ava petted a long scarf that had an African design all over it.</p><p>“Thank you,” Nat said and both her and Maggie walked off a bit. Ava heard a buzzing sound and looked over her shoulder to see Nat looking at her phone</p><p>“Homeland?”</p><p>Ava turned her head back to the saleswoman and nodded slightly.</p><p>“Cape Town,” she said simply before the woman had to ask.</p><p>“You are very far from home then.”</p><p>Ava narrowed her eyes a bit before relaxing when the woman simply smiled again. The doctor sighed as she realized how defensive she become in the last few weeks.</p><p>“Yeah.” She agreed then. “I am.”</p><p>The woman walked closer.</p><p>“I can show you some-“</p><p>She was interrupted with a sudden crash sounding noise that made Ava straighten up and look for the source. Immediately people started screaming and running. Ava felt a few elbows and knees bumping into her, but she swiftly moved to the side and jogged over the little stall when she heard the saleswoman cry out.</p><p>Ava reached the woman’s side and swept her eyes over her. She didn’t see any blood but as a doctor she knew that the woman could still be injured. The doctor dropped to the ground and put a comforting hand on the woman’s shoulder.</p><p>“Are you okay? Any pain?”</p><p>“No,” the woman shook her head and sat up with Ava’s help. “I think I was just surprised and then someone pushed me to the ground while they were running.”</p><p>Ava opened her mouth to ask her a few simple questions to make sure she didn’t have concussion when she heard Maggie yell outside.</p><p>“Natalie, watch out!”</p><p>The surgeon’s head immediately snapped to the direction of that voice before a loud crash could be heard and then a relative silence except a few screams that were dying out as well. Ava turned to the woman who looked like she was going into the shock.</p><p>The only thing Ava wanted was to run outside and make sure that both of her colleagues were okay, but she couldn’t leave this woman like this. Looking around, she saw a man walk a few meters away from them.</p><p>“Hey!” The man turned and Ava thanked the heavens that he jogged to them instead of taking off. “Thank you. Can you stay with her until an ambulance comes in? She is going into shock, so keep your voice calm and try to distract her a bit.”</p><p>“Wait!” He stopped her, obviously panicking at the thought of being alone with the woman, when she rose. “Where are you going?!”</p><p>“I’m a doctor,” she told him simply and ran outside.</p><p>It was a madness. Chaos.</p><p>People were going in all directions – some walking, some limping and some bleeding. Ava’s eyes sweeped around quickly. She was also swiftly walking toward the place that <br/>she was sure Maggie and Nat were standing before all of this happened.</p><p>“Ava!”</p><p>The blonde abruptly stopped and turned to her left. She exhaled in relief and jogged over to her friends. Maggie was steadying Natalie as they both rose up from the ground. When Ava reached them, she grabbed both women’s hands and as if on instinct, they did the same.</p><p>“Are you okay?” She asked both of them, her eyes switching from one to the other. She was also sure they were looking a bit like lunatics, standing in a weird triangle holding hands like they were afraid if they let go, they’ll disappear.</p><p>“Yeah, we’re good,” Nat said for the both of them, but looked at Maggie who confirmed it with a slight smile and a nod.</p><p>“Help! Please!”</p><p>“Did anyone call the ambulance?!”</p><p>“The firefighters-“</p><p>“-hospital, right now! I-“</p><p>The sudden influx of voices helped them come back to themselves. As if they were programed to work under chaos, like they were used to from the ER. Maggie straightened and both Ava and Natalie looked at her, ready to listen to her orders as they were used to it.</p><p>But before the head nurse could speak, a tiny girl sprinted right into Ava and stumbled. The doctor caught her awkwardly before she could fall and immediately knelt down to her.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” the girl nodded with tears in her eyes. “But miss, my mommy’s having a heart attack!”</p><p>“I am doctor, sweetie. Can you show me where she is?” Ava asked her in a calm voice and when the girl nodded, she offered her hand, that the girl took immediately.</p><p>Ava could only nod at her friends before the girl took off running while tightly clinging to Ava. They were pushing past people, who were running around, and avoiding debris around them. Fortunately, it didn’t take long before they arrived to a spot, where a woman was laying on the ground, leaning heavily on what was probably her car crashed into a lamp.</p><p>The little girl let go of Ava’s hand an dropped to her mom’s side without a care for her already bruised knees. Ava didn’t waste time and followed the little girl’s example, although a bit more carefully on her knees.</p><p>From what she could see, the woman had trouble breathing but judging from the piece of glass embedded in her side, probably in the lung, it was a punctured lung and not a heart attack. Ava quickly put both of her hands next to the wound and the woman whined in pain.</p><p>“Mommy?!” Her daughter started crying softly while tightly clutching her mother’s limp hand.</p><p>“Miss? My name’s Ava, I’m a doctor,” Ava spoke a bit loudly to gain her patient’s attention. She was glad when their eyes met.</p><p>“You have a puncture wound in your left side and I’m going need to stabilize it before the paramedics arrive to take you to the hospital, okay?”</p><p>The woman’s free hand tried to clutch at the piece of glass, but Ava nudged her hand aside gently.</p><p>“I know it hurts, but I can’t pull it out, because right now, it’s keeping the wound closed. Please, try to take more shallow breaths, but a little bit slower,” she instructed the woman and then turned to her child.</p><p>“Hey, sweetheart. I know this is scary, but I’m gonna need you to be very brave for your mommy, alright?”</p><p>The girl sniffed but nodded.</p><p>“Thank you. I’m Ava, what’s your name?”</p><p>“Penny.”</p><p>“Okay, Penny. I need you to look around here and bring me back the longest scarf you can find here. Can you do that for me?”</p><p>“Ye-yeah,” Penny assured her and with one last terrified look at her mom, took off running with her head down already looking for what Ava instructed.</p><p>“She’s smart and brave,” Ava complimented the woman in hope to keep her distracted.</p><p>The woman grimaced more than smiled, but Ava took what she could get.</p><p>“Is-is it bad?”</p><p>“I’m not gonna lie, it is serious, but it’s not life threatening,” Ava answered but didn’t mention, that it could possibly be lethal, if not treated soon.</p><p>“Th-thank y-ou.”</p><p>“I’m here okay, you just focus on breathing,” the doctor said softly while keeping eye contact and breathing in sync with her patient.</p><p>They were soon interrupted by a high-pitched yell.</p><p>“I got it!”</p><p>Ava turned to Penny who rushed to their side and offered the scarf held in both hands to Ava. She was breathing heavily but positively beaming at being able to help.</p><p>“Thank you so much, Penny! Grab your mom’s hand okay and tell her all about your journey to get the scarf.”</p><p>The girl happily started talking to her mother who was blinking heavily but still smiled at her daughter as she babbled away. Meanwhile Ava quickly secured the glass with the scarf all the while making sure that the blood flow around was good.</p><p>“Dr. Bekker?”</p><p>Ava turned her head and waved at the paramedics as they jogged over. She helped them strap the woman and wheel her in the ambulance. She hoisted the little girl up into the ambulance and closed the door. As soon as she banged on it and stepped back, the ambulance took off with its’ sirens blaring.</p><p>Ava took only a second before turning back around and jogging towards the place where people started to gather and, as she could see on a few of them, where the injured were being tagged. The amount of red tags was alarming to say the least.</p><p>“Maggie, I need help.” Natalie’s voice cut of the head nurse from her talk with Chief Boden who was overseeing his men helping people and moving debris around.</p><p>Before she could get to them, they were already resetting a bone in the injured man’s leg who screamed in pain against Maggie who was holding him down. Ava stopped a few people when she saw paramedics getting to the trio on the ground and they nodded to her while they flew past her.</p><p>The surgeon reached her friends and helped Maggie to her feet.</p><p>“There more ambo’s on the way, but it’s not gonna be enough.” The nurse told Nat and Ava who glanced at each other worriedly.</p><p>“As long as we get the red tags in the ED, we should be able to manage the yellow tags until the reinforcements gets here,” Nat said as she looked around, but Ava shook her head while Maggie voiced her displeasure out loud.</p><p>“No, Natalie, not outside. It’s too cold!”</p><p>“And not to mention we might get another storm coming today,” Ava added with angered helplessness in her voice.</p><p>Nat bit her lip before looking at one building behind them and pointing at it.</p><p>“What about that?”</p><p>They all looked and seemed to agree in silence. Nat squeezed their hands before running in the direction of the diner.</p><p>“Get the victims ready to move!”</p><p>With that she sprinted towards the place while Maggie turned to Ava.</p><p>“OK, I’m gonna lead the people there while you manage the red tags here to transport to the hospital. Get someone from Fire to help you sort people in the diner.”</p><p>“Got it,” Ava nodded and turned around.</p><p>She quickly moved through the crowd that was starting to gather around Maggie who was leading them to a warm and safe space. Ava let out a relieved breath once she saw a familiar face. As if he heard her thoughts, he turned around.</p><p>Surprise flickered on his face but ultimately settled into a warm but – given the circumstances – serious expression.</p><p>“Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>“Captain Casey. I’m gonna need your help.”</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Old flames, new sparks?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Okay, listen up!”</p><p>All the firefighters turned to their captain as if he was the only important person in the whole world. If Ava wasn’t so agitated by all that was happening, she would be really impressed.</p><p>“We need to help get the victims away from the scene and into the hospital. Then we can do damage control here. So – anything Dr. Bekker says,” he voiced sternly, implying that everyone better listen and obey. “goes. Understood?”</p><p>“Yeah!”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Understood”</p><p>Well, they are willing to listen to me more, than the staff in Med, Ava thought grimly, before taking a step forward which made all the eyes turn to her.</p><p>“We need to get critical cases into ambulances. That means anyone who’s either bleeding out or not breathing goes first. Other injured patients are being gathered in the diner over there, where Dr. Manning and Maggie are currently treating everyone. I need at least seven people who know the basics of first aid enough to not let somebody die by making a rookie mistake.”</p><p>Most of them glanced at each other nervously, but there were few of them who moved forward and Casey instructed them to step aside to the left. Ava was happy, that there were not only seven but nine of them.</p><p>She nodded in thanks before quickly continuing.</p><p>“Thank you. Now, I’m gonna need groups – each group is gonna have our so-called medic. I know there’s a lot of you, so not everyone will be in that group. At least six people need to secure the area – we really don’t need bystanders running around. Another four need to clear the road so the ambulances can have free reign. And lastly, two people, who will be in charge of directing the injured but capable of walking to the diner for treatment.”</p><p>As soon as she was done, everyone was moving, and Ava turned to Casey.</p><p>“Thank you so much,” she said earnestly and got a smile in return.</p><p>“No problem. Where do we start?”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“The ambo’s coming back! Priorities?”</p><p>Ava looked up from the patient who finally started breathing on his own again and pointed at him.</p><p>“This one. Stay with him, please.”</p><p>She got up and shook her head a bit in hope that the nausea will fade. Not a second later her name was being called.</p><p>“Ava!”</p><p>Matt was waving at her urgently. She jogged over to them and kneeled next to a man who was breathing harshly.</p><p>“Hello, my name’s Ava, what’s yours?” she asked while pressing her fingers onto his neck.</p><p>“Amari,” he gasped painfully before nodding slightly to the boy that was obviously being held back by Casey. “That’s my son, André.”</p><p>Ava gave the terrified boy a smile before turning to the man.</p><p>“I can hear your breathing’s not good and your heart is racing. Did you hit the ground or run into something?”</p><p>Surprisingly, his boy was the one who answered tearfully.</p><p>“No. The truck was headed for me, but dad jumped in and-“ he sobbed and the firefighter hold him a little bit closer.</p><p>“Well, that’s very brave of him,” she spoke softly before looking at the unnatural angle the boy’s arm was. “And you seem to hit the ground quite harshly as well, André.”</p><p>The boy looked confused and Ava turned to Matt, because she didn’t want to scare him.</p><p>“This is captain Casey, and he’s going to put your arm in a makeshift sling, so it will stay still and you won’t be in so much pain, okay?”</p><p>The man nodded and while he made the sling and caught all of the child’s attention, Ava spoke quietly to his father.</p><p>“I’m very worried your heart might have taken damage. You’re going in the first ambo that gets here-“</p><p>“André… first,” the man interrupted her forcefully and she grabbed his arm in a tight grip to get his attention.</p><p>“I know you love your son, but unlike yours, his condition is not life threatening. He is going right behind you,” she assured him immediately, when she saw he would love nothing more than to argue with her. “But he’s gonna need his dad. Alive.”</p><p>To her relief, he nodded, and Ava looked up as she heard sirens and quickly gestured at the fireman who was in charge of handling the ambulances. Once he saw the doctor waving at him, he nodded and waved at the ambulance to follow him.</p><p>Ava turned back to the man.</p><p>“You should have gone with the first wave. Didn’t anyone tag you?” she asked before she saw the little tag discarded underneath the man’s leg.</p><p>She furiously inhaled and grabbed it from the ground, but before she could tear the man a new one, the paramedics appeared beside them.</p><p>“We good to move?”</p><p>“Yup,” she nodded and with Casey helped the paramedics to get the man on the gurney and raced him to the ambo.</p><p> Before he was wheeled in, he grabbed Ava’s hand.</p><p>“It’s my… job. You… understand… ?”</p><p>Her eyes flickered to the badge he had on belt and she pursed her lips before nodding. He let go of her hand and she moved out of the way as Casey lifted the boy inside the ambo and closed the door banging on it. The male paramedic jumped in and the ambulance took off.</p><p>Ava was watching it grow smaller with distance and startled once a hand closed around her clenched fist. She looked up as Casey gently pried her fingers apart to reveal the crumpled red tag in her palm.</p><p>“He saved his son.”</p><p>“I know,” she said and met his eyes. “But I don’t think he’ll make it.”</p><p>The captain’s eyes fell, and she regretted being harsh before he nodded kindly, but the sadness was still visible.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Ava shook her head a bit and blinked the moisture from her eyes. “I’m just way too harsh sometimes.”</p><p>“I think you’re being realistic. That’s more than most of the people can say about themselves.”</p><p>Ava looked away and fought off a little smile. She rubbed her fingers against her temple when she felt the nausea coming back but nodded at Matt reassuringly when he glanced at her worriedly. They slowly started to walk to the diner while ambulances passed them. The surgeon thought that it should be the last round of them, and they could call it a day.</p><p>“You must be so happy to take a day off,” Matt said in a teasing tone and Ava snorted before shaking her head.</p><p>She opened her mouth to say something, but then the doors to the diner opened and Ava’s heart stopped. She felt herself stumble as she recognized the person on the gurney. Matt caught her and she knew he was talking to her, but she couldn’t hear a word he said as her vision started to swam and her knees collapsed from underneath her.</p><p>And then she promptly blacked out before she even hit the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>Gaining consciousness wasn’t a pleasant feeling. It wasn’t helping that her head was still pounding, and she licked her lips as she felt the uncomfortable dryness of her mouth.</p><p>“-va?”</p><p>Slightly groaning she forced her eyes to open and blinked a few times before recognizing Sylvie’s face right above her. The surgeon jerked her head slightly when the paramedic shone a little flashlight in her face.</p><p>“C’mon Ava, you know I have to do this,” her voice sounded amused but relieved as well.</p><p>The CT surgeon grimly opened her eyes and managed to only slightly flinch throughout the procedure.</p><p>“I hate this,” she stated uncomfortably and moved to sit up before sliding back onto the gurney as the ambulance hit a ditch.</p><p>She surprisingly noted that she was inside a moving ambulance and groaned more loudly.</p><p>“Jesus… How long was I out?”</p><p>“About ten minutes. Your blood sugar is low and,” the blonde offered her a bottle of pills, “you forgot to take the medication for nausea. I’m pretty sure all of that-“</p><p>“Yeah – led to me taking a nosedive,” she said and frowned slightly at the laugh it elicited from the other woman. “That’s so embarrassing.”</p><p>“It’s not,” Sylvie said with a roll of her eyes that crinkled as she spoke more conspiratorially. “And you had prince Charming there to catch you.”</p><p>The fact that it made Ava blush was saying something. She was beyond embarrassed and frustrated. That fact alone made her sit up with more success. She ignored Sylvie’s half-assed commands to remain lying down.</p><p>“I’m not being wheeled in,” Ava shook her head and looked at the paramedic pleadingly. “Can you just drop me off somewhere?”</p><p>“Yeah, at Med,” Sylvie deadpanned. Before nonchalantly mentioning. “Be glad I’m not putting an IV into you.”</p><p>Ava squeezed her eyes closed and opened them a few seconds later, as the ambulance slowed down to a stop.</p><p>“I hate you,” she grumbled again before standing up with the blonde’s help.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah.”</p><p>The door opened and worried April appeared. She immediately moved to Ava’s other side and ignored the surgeons half-hearted protests. At least the two of them walked her into doctor’s lounge instead of the trauma.</p><p>Once she sat down a chocolate candy bar was pressed into her head as well as a soda. She nodded in thanks, suddenly too tired to argue. Before she even took her first bite April’s pager went off and the nurse with a quick hug to Ava disappeared in the ED.</p><p>Sylvie sat down next to Ava and smiled.</p><p>“Better?”</p><p>“Yes. Thank you.”</p><p>“You should thank Casey,” the blonde teased and Ava only rolled her eyes before smiling sincerely.</p><p>“I will.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>Ava made a quick stop at Dr. Latham’s office where she had to assure him, that she was in fact okay, but didn’t protest when he offered her another day off. On her way down she went to check on Maggie and Natalie, and all of them fussed over each other before they laughed it off.</p><p>Her high spirits didn’t last too long, when she met Will, who broke the news about Amari’s death to her. She felt a bit ashamed of herself as she wasn’t able to make herself go see his son André. But the day really caught up to her and the only thing she wanted was to sleep it off.</p><p>Thinking that she didn’t have any food back home, her steps led her to the cafeteria that was mostly empty. She was so lost in her head that she almost ran over the woman in front of her. Then her brain finally went online.</p><p>“Robin.”</p><p>Judging from her reaction, it seemed like she wasn’t the only one surprised.</p><p>“Oh. Hey Ava.”</p><p>Remembering to be polite to her ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend she questioned the obvious.</p><p>“Are you back… working in the hospital?”</p><p>Robin shook her head and spoke in serious tone.</p><p>“No, my mom’s a patient… or might be a patient.” She visibly hesitated. “Oncology.”</p><p>Ava nodded sympathetically in understanding.</p><p>“I’m sorry to hear that.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Even though it was absolutely none of her business she couldn’t help herself but ask.</p><p>“Have you seen Connor, yet?”</p><p>“Briefly,” she affirmed and smiled lightly. “We made loose plans to get together soon.”</p><p>Wow. Well, he was a single man after all. And so was she.</p><p>“It’s uncertain times so… I’m thankful to have a friend close by.”</p><p>Ava only nodded and smiled tightly.</p><p>“Anyway, I gotta get back upstairs.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>She moved out of Robin’s way and watched her disappear in the hallway. She did not have any right to be jealous. She didn’t want to, but running into Robin made her realize, that even though she willed herself not to care about Connor anymore, her affection for the surgeon still didn’t go away.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The Breaking point</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the last part of my pre-written work, so please be patient, while I continue to write.</p><p>Thank you so much for the support!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She had to give herself a stern talking, that it had to be done and that there was no other less embarrassing way to do it, so she just might as well go for it now. Huffing another puff of air, she pulled her beanie a bit down before taking a deep breath.</p><p>Unfortunately, before she could run away like she partially still wanted to, the doors before her opened and she swiftly moved out of the way so the tipsy couple could continue with their slightly unsteady walk into the night. The man behind them though absolutely ignored the rule of walking out of the room and held the door open for her.</p><p>Without any other choice, she smiled lightly at him in thanks before rushing inside the warm pub. Her fingers were burning a bit because she couldn’t find her gloves at home (of course) and she was sure that her nose was slowly turning red from the changing temperature.</p><p>With that assessment, she made a mental note not to take off her beanie, because that would have totally completed the look of utter lunatic. She just had to find him real quick without any fuss, tell him what she came to say and leave.</p><p>Her eyes roamed the room where many people were talking and laughing and not paying attention to her. As she was considering how weird it would be, if she just left as abruptly as she came in, there was a quick shout of her name from behind the bar.</p><p>“Dr. Bekker!” Christopher Herrman smiled brightly towards her while cleaning glasses in front of him. “There she is!”</p><p>With a long inward sigh, she forced herself to move to him and smiled at him lightly. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him, but she wasn’t really a people person.</p><p>“Evening,” she said loud enough for him to hear. “Busy night?”</p><p>The firefighter gave an exaggerated sigh, but his eyes were sparkling. He opened his arms as if to say what can you do, here, that made Ava chuckle. Herrman smiled at her.</p><p>“What can I get you?”</p><p>“I’m on meds, so…”</p><p>Before he could answer, Stella walked to them and smashed a glass with red liquid right in front of the slightly stunned doctor.</p><p>“Non-alcohol specialty. As home-y as the lemonades can go.”</p><p>“I really don’t think-“</p><p>Stella only picked up a sparkly purple umbrella seemingly out of nowhere and plucked it in the glass before walking away with a shout. “Thank me later, doc!”</p><p>Herrman looked like he seriously regretted offering her this job before looking at Ava kindly.</p><p>“You don’t have to drink it. But either way – it’s on the house.”</p><p>“I can’t accept that,” Ava shook her head and grabbed her backpack to look for her purse so she could pay for it, but she was interrupted again.</p><p>“I’ll pay for it.”</p><p>She looked up and all the words she basically memorized to tell him flew out of the window. He looked at her with a soft and a bit worried smile as his eyes swept over her. He sat on one of the bar stools and pulled one for her as well.</p><p>“Thank you,” she murmured as she settled herself, puling of the damn beanie and taking off her coat which Herrman grabbed from her to hang it on the rack next to the door, before looking up. Her hands twitched with the urge to run them through her hair. “I’ve actually went looking for you.”</p><p>His eyebrows rose a bit and she forced herself to keep talking and get it off her chest as soon as possible.</p><p>“I wanted to thank you for today – how you handled everyone. And that you caught me- I mean I really had not wanted to end the day with an embarrassing concussion, so. Even more embarrassing fainting had to do,” she smiled tightly and looked away.</p><p>Her hands grabbed the drink Stella made her and she fished out the tiny umbrella before setting it on a napkin next to her.</p><p>“You don’t have to thank me, for handling the guys. That’s part of my day job,” he spoke with low voice and added gently. “And I was actually looking for you as well.”</p><p>That made her head snap back up. He understood her confusion and chuckled before nodding his thanks to Herrman who put a beer in front of him and disappeared to the other side of the bar again.</p><p>“I meant, at the hospital. We arrived probably right after you already left the hospital. At least that’s what Maggie told me.”</p><p>Of course, Ava thought, but it wasn’t bitter. Especially since the head nurse at least didn’t give out her phone number or address. And that he felt like it would invade Ava’s privacy, if he asked for it.</p><p>“It was a long day,” she sighed as her hands fiddled with the drink in front of her.</p><p>“Yeah, it was,” he agreed before trying to catch her eye, so she had no choice but turn to him. “But I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”</p><p>“Me?” She asked and wanted to slap herself for such a dumb question, but Matt just smiled again.</p><p>“Yeah. I really don’t make a habit of women passing out on me.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m sure that there were exceptions,” Ava blurted out without any sort of filter.</p><p>Matt’s eyes widened with surprise and Stella, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, started laughing. Matt chuckled while Ava smirked a bit. Teasing, that was a familiar territory for her, after all.</p><p>“Good one,” Stella nodded at her and pushed a little bag of chips to her. “Well deserved, my girl.”</p><p>To that, Ava a bit sheepishly smiled at the other woman before tearing the bag open. How could she say no to any kind of salty treat, after all, she argued with herself and popped one into her mouth.</p><p>“That answers my question then.”</p><p>She gave him a small smile which he reciprocated. Ava nudged the little bag to him and was pleased when he took a handful without any shame.</p><p>“Casey! I got the call back from– oh, Dr. Bekker, hi. Great work today!”</p><p>She turned her head to look at Kelly Severide who smiled at her immediately. She smiled a bit in greeting as well.</p><p>“Hello,” she reciprocated. “Thank you. Although I think you did all the hard work there.”</p><p>Kelly chuckled.</p><p>“Nah,” he shook his head and looked at Matt which Ava noticed.</p><p>“I can leave you two alone,” she suggested and made a move to get up, but Casey caught her hand gently and pushed her back onto the stool.</p><p>“You can stay. I’ll be right back,” he said smiling while grabbing his coat and then followed his friend outside.</p><p>Ava smiled a bit and turned back to her drink. As she took a sip, her eyes automatically swept through the bar and she almost choked when she saw the group of people at a table very close to the place she was sitting at.</p><p>She felt panic ran through her and quickly put the drink down before the shaking of her hand would make her spill it on the floor. Which would attract attention without a doubt. Ava hopped of the stool and went on a search for her wallet. She pulled out a five-dollar bill and put it next to her drink. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Herrman coming to her, but she needed to get out, so she pretended not to see him as she moved to the door to get her coat.</p><p>As she was putting it on her head snapped up and she made eye contact with the scrub nurse. Beth looked disinterested before she recognized her and there was immediately an angry and disgusted sparkle in her eye that made Ava shiver from anger as well as sadness.</p><p>She still wanted to be the better person here. Ava nodded in the nurse’s direction and was met with a much sterner nod, before Beth turned to her girl friends next to her and started to whisper to them. As if on cue, second later they were all looking at Ava with disdain.</p><p>Hoping that it would not look like she was running away from them but merely leaving the bar she forced herself to move slower than she would like but as soon as she was out of the door, she took more prolonged steps and headed to the subway she knew was actually close.</p><p>The fury in her head dissipated a bit, once she heard Casey’s shout.</p><p>“Ava!”</p><p>She faltered a bit in her steps and that was enough for him to catch up with her.</p><p>“Did something happen?”</p><p>He sounded so genuinely worried about her, but she was terrified of trusting that genuinity. Every time she opened up to someone and let herself be vulnerable, she got hurt. And she was so tired of stitching the pieces back together.</p><p>Right now, she wasn’t even sure, if this time, she’d be able to do it. Or if she wanted to.</p><p>“No, I’m-,” she mumbled with her head turned away from him as she resumed her walking. “It’s been a long day, I’m tired.”</p><p>“Okay. I have my truck right there in the parking lot. I haven’t gotten to drink the beer yet, so I can drive you, if you want?”</p><p>Her eyes stung and she shook her head, but he suddenly stepped right in front of her and she instinctively took a step back as she felt herself being caged in by his arms, even though he certainly didn’t mean to intimidate her. He put them down the second she moved away from him.</p><p>“Wait, please. I can see you’re upset, and I don’t want you to be by yourself.”</p><p>“I’m an adult, it’s fine,” she snapped at him a bit before softening her voice in hopes it would get him to believe her. “You can go back inside. I can make it back home just <br/>fine.”</p><p>“I know that,” he answered softly as well. “But you don’t have to.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” she repeated and made a move to bypass him, but he sidestepped her. She scowled and looked up, angered by his calm and so genuinely nice expression. She persisted. “Go back.”</p><p>“No,” he shook his head. “You were laughing with me just a second before I went outside with Kelly and now you’re upset.”</p><p>“Maybe that’s just who I am,” she snarked.</p><p>“I worked with you today, this doesn’t seem like you–“</p><p>“You don’t know me!” She interrupted him and raised her voice defensively to which he nodded a bit.</p><p>“Okay, you’re right,” he agreed easily before adding more seriously. “But I’d like to.”</p><p>And Ava… She just had enough. Even knowing, he absolutely did not deserve the rage burning inside her from the sheer unfairness of the position she was put into by assumptions, did nothing to calm the storm inside her.</p><p>“Do you now?” she chuckled without any humor in it. “Okay. I’m sure you already know this, but just so you get the whole picture: first off, the reason there’s a Hybrid OR in Med is because I, obviously, slept with Rhodes Sr., so that in exchange he donated money to the project, because I’m so obsessive I couldn’t handle the fact that my now ex-boyfriend was leaving the town, because he was offered a job that I wanted for myself. Secondly, I’ve orchestrated a board review, so I could scare said ex with taking his medical license. Then I’ve cut myself with a scalpel, so I could risk getting HIV from a patient, because guilt tripping him is also my hobby. But while I’m so good at these mind games, somehow, he figured this all out, and he already exposed me as the vengeful psychotic doctor that is threat to everyone on this planet. And he’s not alone in this, because Beth, the angel, can spread all of this to the whole hospital staff and thankfully even here, in public. So, you can go back inside and ask her for all the juicy details!”</p><p>Ava didn’t even realize that she was basically screaming in his face with tears in her eyes. But as soon as she did, she moved, to get away, get home and cry her heart out there, where no one can hurt her. But he caught her forearm, firmly but still gently, preventing her from escaping.</p><p>“Let me go,” she growled frustrated as she avoided eye contact and prayed the tears away, just before she could escape him.</p><p>He didn’t listen and stepped closer before enveloping her in a hug. She feebly pushed her hands against his chest to push him away but somehow, they didn’t listen and only rested there.</p><p>“Let me go,” she whispered, her voice so wobbly and tears already slipping down her cheeks, no matter how hard she tried to keep them at bay.</p><p>“I will,” he said with his lips pressed to the crown of her head, so the words were a bit muffled. “But only if that’s what you really want.”</p><p>Her fingers grasped his jacket and her eyes closed. She knew she should pull away.</p><p>“I hear you, Ava. I’m here and I hear you, okay?”</p><p>The sob it tore out of her was so unexpected that it surprised her, but Matt didn’t seem surprised at all. His arms squeezed her a bit tighter and she let herself fall.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>The ride to her apartment was, surprisingly, not awkward. Maybe she would have felt that way, but she was so exhausted that she was just gazing out of the window and watched the city go by. Matt also seemed comfortable in the silence but still glanced at her from time to time.</p><p>It actually felt nice. To have someone worry about her.</p><p>No accusations, no questions, just acceptance.</p><p>Ava was so comfortable that it seemed like a second before they were pulling over in front of her apartment. She sat up straighter and unbuckled herself but made no move to get up. She only stared at the door of the apartment block.</p><p>She sighed knowing he deserved at least an explanation.</p><p>“I’m sorry about… all that. You didn’t need to hear that,” she said and looked at him.</p><p>His eyes still held the warmth and no judgement.</p><p>“I don’t mind. You seemed like you needed to get it off your chest for a while.”</p><p>“Probably,” she agreed with another tired sigh. “Thank you. For that. And the ride home. It seems like I’ll just keep being in your debt.”</p><p>“Well, you can even the score,” he said with a smile. “You’ll go upstairs, take a warm bath, make yourself a tea and head to the bed.”</p><p>Ava blinked in surprise at his request before biting her lip.</p><p>“I feel like I should at least invite you in since I forced you to drive through the city-“</p><p>“You didn’t force me to do anything, I wanted to,” he interrupted her but not unfriendly. “And you don’t have to invite me because you feel compelled to do so. I’m just glad you got home safe.”</p><p>She really looked at him and it took her a few seconds to speak again.</p><p>“Thank you, Matt,” she said quietly but sincerely.</p><p>His eyes smiled when he answered.</p><p>“You’re welcome.”</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. High stakes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry it's taking so long!<br/>But here's another chapter. I'm slowly adding my own point of view and I'm very happy with how things are turning out. I love making Ava actually interact with everyone on the show!</p><p>Hope you enjoy it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her day off was calm and slow.</p><p>She woke up at 9 AM and stretched out like a cat on her bed, feeling rested. Without opening her eyes yet, her head turned to the right and only then she slowly peeled her eyes open. Ava couldn’t help herself but smile as her eyes landed on her Blue Tang fish who swam in little circles while seemingly looking at her.<br/>With a sigh she got up and as she bend down the fish followed her movement as if sensing it was about to be fed.</p><p>“You’re really a high maintenance, I hope you know that, Muffin,” she grumbled at him lovingly and poured him his breakfast which he eagerly started consuming. “Don’t choke to death, please.”</p><p>After a quick shower, she was surprised to see notifications on her social media and her heart skipped a beat, as she found out, that they were mostly from Matt. His messages were short and sweet, and also made her feel comforted and not pressured.</p><p>She replied and was a bit disappointed when he didn’t reply immediately, for which she scolded herself. Of course, he couldn’t reply. He was working – unlike someone else.<br/>Ava turned off her phone before starting on breakfast. Today, she would finally do something for her own mental health. Taking the day off has been only a start. She made a list of what she wanted to do, once she got settled in Chicago, a long time ago and now it was the right time to try something on it.</p><p>There were many places she wanted to explore and realistically knew, that it wasn’t possible to visit them all in one day. So she rolled a dice. Literally.<br/>After her three-hour long walk around the city, and a quick stop at the market she surprisingly found at the corner of her own street, she was back home where she kicked off her boots and went straight to the kitchen. As she started on one of her recipes that she brought from Africa, she turned her phone back on and put it on the counter where it happily vibrated for a few minutes before settling.</p><p>Even then she didn’t grab it immediately. Ava waited until the dish was in the oven before picking it up. As she read through all of the messages, she felt a lot happier than the day before. The messages were from a lot of people – Matt (of course), Maggie, April, Nat, Dr. Latham and synchronized, as if they were sent at the same time, were messages from the Halstead brothers.</p><p>Will must have told Jay something, if he was checking up on her as well. They were friends, after all that happened, but they didn’t hang out much. She thought to herself that she really needed to change that.</p><p>That evening she burrowed herself with warm food and coffee in blankets and put on some TV show April recommended her a few weeks ago. It was some medical drama and as soon as the first episode ended, she sent the nurse a long message about everything that was wrong with their medical procedures and knowledge. April sent back a long-suffering sighing GIF and added, that she expected nothing less from her and also accused her of secretly loving the series.</p><p>Ava agreed with that assessment and put on the second episode. The doctor was kinda cute, she could admit that at least.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, she woke up a bit more apprehensive as she quickly got herself ready and headed out to the hospital.</p><p>Her phone started to vibrate the second she crossed the parking lot. Looking at the ID, she answered.</p><p>“Morning, Dr. Latham?”</p><p>“Hello, Dr. Bekker. I’m very sorry to disrupt your morning routine already, but if you would be so kind and join me in my office as soon as you get to the hospital, please.”</p><p>Her heartbeat picked up.</p><p>“Did something happen?” She couldn’t help herself but ask.</p><p>He sighed before answering.</p><p>“There has been another complaint filed. It concerns you.”</p><p>“I understand,” she managed to get out and cleared her throat. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>With that he hung up and she put her phone back inside her bagpack. He didn’t sound angry with her, but that did not mean a thing. The complaint was filed against her, she was sure of it. Was it already going to higher places? Was she too late to stop it?</p><p>With these thoughts she barely paid attention to her colleagues that joined her in the elevator. She patiently waited as it took them up and onto her floor. Meanwhile she grabbed her phone again to look up the OR’S she’d be operating in today. She was also the only one that got off on the CT floor, not that she minded.</p><p>As she got out her eyes swept the hall and came to halt. Connor. He coldly nodded at her when he noticed her.<br/>Well, okay then. She can be a cold-hearted bitch as well.</p><p>“So, Robin and her mother are in the atrium.”</p><p>“Okay.” He didn’t even look at her. Like she didn’t matter.</p><p>She pulled out her pills in her own selfish demonstration as she continued.</p><p>“You happy to have her back in town?”</p><p>That finally got her a reaction.</p><p>“Look, Ava… I’d… We have to share the same space, so how about we just try and keep it professional, okay?”</p><p>Well, that made her blood boil. She wasn’t the one accusing him of everything going wrong because of her feelings. Her fingers tightened at the bottle of pills and she pulled them up to his eyesight.</p><p>“Still taking the anti-retrovirals, by the way,” she bit out angrily before storming past him.</p><p>There were only few people who pointedly looked the other way as she passed them, and her mood dropped even more. She quickly changed into her scrubs and marched to Dr. Latham’s office. She stopped in front of the door, took a deep breath before firmly knocking. Not even a second later, she was asked to come in.</p><p>Dr. Latham looked calm as ever as he gestured for her to sit down. She was anxious but listened and sat. Without a word he handed her over a letter. As she read it, she felt anger, disappointment and unbearable sadness and helplessness.</p><p>“It’s anonymous,” she stated, as she handed it back before continuing. “But judging from what’s in there, I believe we both know, who wrote this.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>She swallowed past the lump in her throat.</p><p>“So…? Am I suspended or-?”</p><p>“Of course not,” he shook his head firmly before looking into her eyes. “I worked with you, Dr. Bekker. I believe I know, how you operate and how you treat your team in the OR. That description there,” he put his palm on the complaint, “doesn’t belong to the woman I know personally.”</p><p>Ava looked up in shock and watched, as he grabbed the paper and ripped it in pieces before neatly throwing the pieces into the recycle bin for paper. He settled again and smiled at her.</p><p>“Now. As that was dealt with, I believe we can talk about our patient with the heart defect.”</p><p>Her lips turned upwards a bit and his eyes softened at that. Then, as if nothing happened, he jumped right into the case on their hands.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“Dr. Bekker!”</p><p>She bit back a sigh as she turned to one of the nurses running towards her.</p><p>“Yes, Annie?” She asked as pleasantly as she could.</p><p>“Dr. Halstead paged the CT, but Dr. Rhodes is consulting…,” the nurse explained apologetically.</p><p>Ava nodded and smiled a bit at her.</p><p>“Okay, lead the way, please.”</p><p>They hurried together through the east wing to get to the ER. Annie was obviously used to running errands as she expertly navigated her way through the crowds. Ava only needed to follow her closely. The ER was busy as always when they arrived.</p><p>Ava smiled at Maggie when they passed each other before squeezing herself through the door to one of the trauma rooms. She immediately felt the heat coming off of the blanket that was warming the patient up.</p><p>“What do we have, Will?” She asked as she put on the gloves and nodded her thanks to the nurse that excused herself to assist another doctor.</p><p>“I found her frozen at Jay’s neighbourhood. We’ve been warming her up since then but then she developed a murmur in her heart that I’m not comfortable with,” he explained quickly as Ava put on her stethoscope and pulled the blanket from the woman’s chest.</p><p>She nodded in agreement as she listened to the patient’s heart.</p><p>“I hear it,” she said as she put the stethoscope around her neck. “Not good. I’d start with meds, if we’ll need to crack the chest, it’d be better if her temperature settles.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” Will nodded.</p><p>“Did you do a chest X-ray?”</p><p>“We did. It’s not really clear but you can have a look,” he said and motioned to her to follow him.</p><p>Ava turned to the nurse beside them. “Give her some beta-blockers and monitor her for me, please. If anything changes, just page me.”</p><p>The nurse nodded and the doctors left the trauma room before going inside one of the Radiography rooms. Will pulled up the woman’s chest X-ray. Ava grimaced a bit as she observed her heart.</p><p>“Well, not to be pessimistic, but the meds probably won’t do any magic.”</p><p>“The EKG is not good either,” Will added as he crossed his arms.</p><p>“Well,” Ava sighed and pursed her lips before her expression cleared up a bit. “You know what. Her heart is in bad condition, but the blood flow is good – great even. I’m thinking, what if we increase it even more. That way the oxygen flow can improve and maybe help with the regeneration. If we warm her up, she might respond to it.”</p><p>Will smiled and nodded.</p><p>“Good idea. Thank you.”</p><p>“No problem,” she smiled as well and turned the light off from the screen before getting the X-ray down. “Just page me, if anything changes, OK?”</p><p>“You got it,” he said as they walked out of the room and separated.</p><p>The surgeon got on the elevator and read through the surgical reports from the morning before getting off on the CT floor. She was thinking about finally having some lunch but before she could disappear inside the doctor’s lounge, someone called her name.</p><p>“Ava!”</p><p>She turned and blinked in surprise as Robin quickly walked over to her.</p><p>“Hi Robin,” Ava said politely and clutched her phone a bit tighter.</p><p>“Ava, hi! I’m so glad you’re here!” Robin breathed out and grabbed her hand. “Do you have a minute?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“Okay,” Robin exhaled, visibly relieved, before leading the surgeon towards one of the rooms. “So, I’ve told you about my mom.”</p><p>“Yeah. Is she okay?” Ava asked alarmed.</p><p>Robin sighed before they stopped in front of one of the doors.</p><p>“Well, she was being admitted for the clinical trial here, but the exam did not go well. She’s got a double gallop and the doctor told us that there is no way they will accept her.”</p><p>“I’m sorry to hear that,” Ava said earnestly as she tried to find a solution. “Well… I know I’m not her doctor, but have you thought about a heart valve replacement? I mean, if your mom’s got good results, that can be manageable.”</p><p>Robin’s eyes sparkled and she grabbed her hand once again.</p><p>“Yes! That’s exactly what we’ve been offered! But,” she sighed almost angrily now. “The chances are… not that good.”</p><p>“Of course, it was only a suggestion-“</p><p>“Wait, no! You’re getting me wrong, here,” Robin shook her head before determinedly looking at Ava. “I meant that we want to take the chance and do the surgery.”</p><p>“Okay,” Ava nodded still not understanding what Robin was getting at. “Then I can go and book you an OR, I’ll clear the schedule so she can go as soon as possible. Just tell me who’s her surgeon and I go over it with them.”</p><p>Robin bit her lip before straightening up.</p><p>“Well, that’s the thing. I need you to not tell him a damn thing and do the surgery yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>She should’ve said no.</p><p>She should’ve said NO.</p><p>Ava determinedly looked forward as she viciously scrubbed her hands clean. Her eyes were focused on the woman on the table that was listening to the anesthesiologist as he explained to her what was going to happen before they knock her out.</p><p>She already went through everything with both her and Robin. Dr. Charles was nowhere to be seen as well as Connor. Robin made it clear enough that she did not wanted them to have any say in this. Her mom was in on that as well.</p><p>And the thing is… she wasn’t feeling sorry either.</p><p>She understood Robin and her want to do everything she could for her mother. Ava knew that feeling, she has been in her shoes. In a way.</p><p>With an inaudible sigh she turned off the water and went to get her gloves on before the door opened. She braced herself for a furious Connor storming inside but when she turned around, it was Beth. With an unpleasant grimace on her face.</p><p>“Mrs. Goodwin expects you in her office. She stopped this surgery.”</p><p>Ava curtly nodded and not let anything show on her face before taking off her surgical cap. She looked at Marty and shook her head little before pointing at the door. He nodded and went back to Caroline’s side.</p><p>Well, Ava thought as she made her way to the office, here we go.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“She went behind my back and tried to pouch my patient!”</p><p>Ava stood still and ignored him. She looked only at the Chief who turned to her with a slightly creased brow.</p><p>“Is that true, Dr. Bekker?”</p><p>“Hardly. I was offering a second opinion, for which-“</p><p>“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” he interrupted her.</p><p>Ava frowned and without looking at him continued.</p><p>“As I was saying, I was asked for a second opinion. The patient’s daughter had already requested this surgery directly.”</p><p>At that he turned to her angrily and It took all of her willpower to keep her ground.</p><p>“You had no right to insert yourself!”</p><p>She looked at him coldly, although her heart was beating like crazy.</p><p>“And honor the patient’s wishes, when you’d refused?”</p><p>He clenched his jaw and Ava sighed before continuing.</p><p>“And I understand that, since it’s your ex-girlfriend’s mother, but-“</p><p>Ava flinched when he exploded and took a step back.</p><p>“Oh, come on! That is absurd! I was acting in my patient’s best interests. You-“</p><p>Mrs. Goodwin stopped him almost immediately.</p><p>“That’s enough!”</p><p>Ava clenched her jaw as well and looked away.</p><p>“You mean my patient,” she said determinedly. She promised Robin and she would fight for her.</p><p>“Really?!”</p><p>“You two may think I’m fascinated by your little soap opera, but I couldn’t care less. When you clock into this hospital, you leave that mess at the door.” Mrs. Goodwin said sternly before pointing at Ava. “Dr. Bekker, your lack of professional etiquette is glaring.”</p><p>Ava bit her lip but said nothing as the Chief continued, this time her anger directed at Connor.</p><p>“But Caroline Charles has the right to determine her own care. Dr. Rhodes, if you don’t perform the surgery, Dr. Bekker will.”</p><p>Ava crossed her arms and briefly looked at Mrs. Goodwin.</p><p>“Thank you,” with that she went to move outside. She didn’t even take a step before he spoke.</p><p>“Not so fast.”</p><p>She stopped before slowly turning around. Connor was looking at Mrs. Goodwin though.</p><p>“Caroline’s still my patient. So, if this surgery is gonna happen, I’m gonna do it,” with that he walked angrily around Ava and slammed the door.</p><p>Ava managed to catch herself before she could flinch again. She slightly nodded at the Chief but before she could escape, she was stopped again.</p><p>“Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>She lifted her eyes because the older woman has visibly softened her voice.</p><p>“Yes, Mrs. Goodwin?” Ava managed to ask.</p><p>“Are you OK?”</p><p>Ava felt something tighten inside her as she immediately recalled Connor’s accusations, that she should get some help, and-</p><p>“Why wouldn’t I be?”</p><p>“You’re trembling.”</p><p>Oh. Oh. She was.</p><p>“I’ve… forgotten to take the meds. Side effect,” she mumbled an excuse.</p><p>She forced herself to withstand the searching gaze of the other woman.</p><p>“If you’re sure,” Mrs. Goodwin acquiesced before adding. “But if there’s anything you want to talk about… My door is open.”</p><p>Ava tightly nodded and faintly smiled before leaving the office. Once the door closed, she exhaled in relief and jumped in surprise when Robin appeared right in front of her.</p><p>“Sorry,” Robin smiled apologetically before frowning. “Marty came out to tell me the surgery has been cancelled, so I went looking for you. I saw Connor storming out a minute ago, he looked pretty angry.”</p><p>No, he looked livid, Ava thought.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said out loud before faintly smiling. “I tried, but your mom’s in his care again, but he agreed to do the surgery.”</p><p>“Really?!” Robin’s eyes shone and Ava thought for herself, that it was worth it. All the pain.</p><p>“Mhm,” she hummed and flexed her fingers. “Robin I… I just wanted to tell you, that what you’re doing. It’s a good thing. I would’ve done the same thing for my family.”</p><p>Robin smiled and Ava realized with a pang in her heart, that she understood, why Connor chose her. The young Charles was truly a good and kind person.</p><p>She grabbed Ava’s hand again and squeezed.</p><p>“Thank you, Ava. It really means a lot”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>She walked inside the scrub room apprehensive but there wasn’t anyone there yet. That made her relieved. Her hands automatically started the washing ritual and her eyes were once again fixed on the scene before her.</p><p>Caroline was already going under as Ava cleaned her hands but before she closed her eyes, she looked at Ava through the glass and smiled faintly. Ava smiled back as much as she could and watched the woman give in to the drugs.</p><p>The smile was still on her face. She looked so peaceful.</p><p>All of the happy thoughts Ava tried to force upon herself flew out of the window as the door opened forcefully. Within a second, he stood next to her, the distance between them was oddly comforting for Ava, even though she knew they had to be in tune to get Caroline through the surgery.</p><p>But that’s okay. She managed. For weeks she’s been working with staff, that’s been undermining her and actually filed a compliant out of spite. She could get through this.<br/>No talking, nothing personal-</p><p>“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked her in a barely contained voice.</p><p>She swallowed harshly before answering.</p><p>“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m scrubbing in.”</p><p>He wanted professionalism, after all. Connor shook his head instead of answering, obviously annoyed.</p><p>“Oh, come on,” she bit out and forced herself to look at him. “You didn’t think you’re going to perform a surgery without me?“</p><p>He huffed disdainly and Ava had enough.</p><p>“This is my floor!” She reminded him sternly.</p><p>He looked at her as well. There was obvious hatred in his eyes, it made her stomach churn.</p><p>“You don’t take cases this risky, you’re too worried about your stats,” he spat out angrily.</p><p>She shook her head disbelievingly.</p><p>“You know, I’d say you’re doing this to get under my skin, but even you wouldn’t stoop that low,” he continued with a faked consideration before looking at her. “Or would you?”</p><p>“Wow,” Ava replied. “Your ego is truly boundless, isn’t it?”</p><p>She stopped the water and turned to him.</p><p>“Alright. You want it straight?” And continued without waiting for his reply. “I’d agreed to do this surgery because I’m the best CT surgeon in this hospital. I’m confident I can pull Caroline through. And if you’re not – stay the hell away from my OR.”</p><p>Not caring one bit she turned around and walked inside. One of the scrub nurses came to help her with obvious disdain but Ava ignored her. She couldn’t care less about any of these people that saw her as a monster.</p><p>Caroline was the only person on her mind. She was counting on Ava and she would not disappoint.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“Retractors are in place. I see the entire valve. Scissors. Starting with the anterior leaflets.”</p><p>Ava looked closely before interjecting.</p><p>“Hold on. Those cords aren’t as diseased as I would’ve imagined. I think you could just repair them,” she looked up, happy with a solution that might mean less of a surgery for them.</p><p>Her mood dropped the second she looked into his narrowed eyes. She added her explanation.</p><p>“Avoid replacing the valve.”</p><p>“If I do that, and the repairs fail, I can have her back on the table in six months.”</p><p>She nodded a bit but pursued her idea.</p><p>“Yes. But that’s if it fails.”</p><p>“Not taking that risk.”</p><p>“And if it doesn’t, she’ll be in better condition in long term. She won’t have to take blood repre-“</p><p>“I’m not gonna do it!” He barked at her and everyone in the OR stopped.</p><p>Marty turned around and looked at both of them. Ava lowered her eyes, very much aware that since Caroline was technically his patient, he was calling the shots.</p><p>“Like I said,” he continued with the same aggressive voice. “Starting on the anterior leaflets.”</p><p>With that he cut into the borders of the wall and Ava angrily bit her lip.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“Finishing the left atrial suture line. Let’s get ready to take off the cross clamp. Start warm blood and cardio-colisa.”</p><p>Ava nervously looked at the heart, not liking what she saw when the machines started. And she was proven right not even a second after.</p><p>“She’s fibrillating.”</p><p>“Paddles!” Connor ordered immediately. “Charge to 20.”</p><p>“Charging.”</p><p>“Charged.”</p><p>“Clear.”</p><p>Everyone stepped back as Connor gave her the shock. Ava shook her head.</p><p>“Still fibrillating.”</p><p>“Charge to 30.”</p><p>“Charged.”</p><p>“Clear.”</p><p>Again, no improvement, Ava raised her voice.</p><p>“No change.”</p><p>“Charge to 50!” Connor ordered.</p><p>“Connor,” Ava interjected. “If we won’t get her to a sustainable rhythm, she won’t make it off the table.”</p><p>“You don’t think I know that?!” he barked at her. “Clear!”</p><p>Nothing happened again and the scrub nurse increased the jouls again.</p><p>“Maximum charge,” she told everyone in the room.</p><p>“Clear,” Connor said again before shocking.</p><p>“Connor!” Ava raised her voice again. “We can’t just keep defibrillating we need to regress her!”</p><p>“Her heart’s too sick, she’ll never come off.”</p><p>“We don’t have a choice!” she reminded him.</p><p>He looked at the heart and her heart sank as she saw the wild look in his eyes.</p><p>“I’m gonna remove the cross clamp.”</p><p>Oh, it was even worse than she thought.</p><p>“Are you insane?! Caroline would still be defibrillating but without the coronary perfusion, you’ll kill her!”</p><p>“No,” he shook his head as he went for the cross clamp. “When I was in my fellowship, we had a patient like this. It wouldn’t convert, it was the only thing that worked.”</p><p>She closed her eyes and shook her head. Robin’s face appeared and the eyes stopped shining. Ava was the one that dimmed the light.<br/>She opened her eyes. It was barely a second.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>He seemed surprised but immediately continued with the action.</p><p>“Cross clamp’s off.”</p><p>The heart didn’t move. Everyone was aware of the blaring heart monitor, but their eyes were fixed on the unmoving heart.</p><p>5 seconds. 10.</p><p>And then it moved, and Ava pulled in a breath she didn’t realize she was holding in. Marty was the first to break the silence.</p><p>“Wow! She’s back in a sinus rhythm.”</p><p>“Amazing call Dr. Rhodes,” one of the doctors announced.</p><p>Ava was still looking at the beating heart and couldn’t care less about anything else. Caroline was back.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>They walked in silence next to each other to the waiting room. Ava’s ears were ringing, and she was happy when Connor took the lead to explain how it went to Robin and Dr. Charles.</p><p>“Caroline’s doing well,” he looked at Ava for a second before continuing. “We hit a bit of a rough patch-“</p><p>Ava saw Robin’s eyes clouding and jumped in to console her.</p><p>“But we pulled it through. She’s absolutely fine. Your mother’s a fighter,” she assured the other woman with a small smile. Robin looked at her gratefully.</p><p>“Thank you,” Robin said earnestly and went in for a hug.</p><p>Ava squeezed her and when they pulled away, she saw an understanding look in Robin’s eyes. Ava nodded a bit and looked away, as Robin thanked Connor and gave him a hug as well. She looked at Dr. Charles who looked relieved, but she saw the underlying anger directed at her.</p><p>She avoided his eyes as well.</p><p>“I’m gonna go meet my mom in recovery,” Robin exclaimed with happy tears in her eyes and looked at Dr. Charles. “Dad.”</p><p>“Right behind you, honey,” the psychiatrist told her softly as she walked off before turning to them. “Thank you.”</p><p>The surgeons nodded and Ava tried not to feel too upset as he clapped Connor’s arm but ignored her as he made his way to the recovery room. Ava swiftly turned away with the intent to avoid Connor as much as possible for the forseeable future.</p><p>She barely moved before he grabbed her forearm and tugged her back harshly. Her throat felt dry and she felt herself tense.</p><p>“Don’t you ever put me in that position again.”</p><p>The voice was so threatening, and he sounded so much like his father. Ava swallowed and shrank back the second he released her arm and walked away. She watched him go and tried to steady her breathing.</p><p>She was so focused on that, that she didn’t even hear her name being called.</p><p>“Ava! You OK?”</p><p>She turned around and nodded before frowning a bit.</p><p>“Will is downstairs, I think…”</p><p>“Oh no – he already left without even letting me know,” Jay smirked but then give her a once over. “You sure you’re fine? That didn’t look very friendly.”</p><p>He said as he nodded towards the door behind which Connor disappeared and Ava couldn’t help herself but touch the arm he grabbed. She knew he wasn’t hurting her. But the action was.</p><p>“Something happened?” Now Jay sounded more like the detective he was, and Ava forced herself to smile and stop holding the arm protectively.</p><p>“Just a misunderstanding,” she said quietly before moving. Jay stepped right next to her.</p><p>“Well, since my brother ditched me, can I give you a ride?”</p><p>She smiled softly and nodded.</p><p>“That would be great.”</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Tipping point</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Following (and diverting from) episode 4×17.</p><p>I love building a backstory for Ava and have her interacting (like a normal human being) with everyone in the show!</p><p>Also, thank you so so much for your support, it means a lot!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Yeah, not gonna lie – I’m so glad he signed the deal. I mean, I love my brother, but the last few weeks had me realizing how many things he’s been doing since he was a kid, that still annoy me.”</p><p>Ava laughed lightly.</p><p>“That bad, huh?”</p><p>“You have no idea,” Jay shook his head but there was a slight smile on his face.</p><p>“Well, you need to kind of look away when he’s doing them,” she said. “Trust me, tomorrow you’re going to wonder, what’s missing.”</p><p>“I highly doubt that,” Jay snorted before turning more serious. His voice was still soft when he spoke. “Tell me, if I’m overstepping but… that sounds a lot like a personal experience.”</p><p>Ava bit her lip, looked away from the window and turned to him. He still followed the road with his eyes, but they strayed to hers occasionally.</p><p>“Yeah,” she admitted softly before turning her head to stare straight ahead. “I had a brother.”</p><p>She cleared her throat as she felt a lump forming there every time, she thought about him.</p><p>“Older brother,” she added with a faint smile. “He used to trash my things and throw the laundry I just washed into dirt. But…”</p><p>She swallowed and continued as the car slowly came to a stop beside her flat.</p><p>“He also broke my classmate’s bike when he made fun of my braces and beat up a guy that grabbed my ass while we were walking in the town.”</p><p>She turned to him, even though she was sure her eyes had that glassy look that promised a good cry. Jay still smiled and slowly put his hand on her forearm. Ava couldn’t help but appreciate his wariness.</p><p>“Sounds like a great brother.”</p><p>“He really was,” Ava nodded and sniffed. “Uhm. Car crash. That’s… that’s what happened.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Yeah. It’s been 5 years and you know – I’m so used to telling my patients or their families that it’ll get better in time, but there are still days when I don’t feel like it does.”</p><p>Jay’s thumb slowly rubbed her arm.</p><p>“That one I understand.”</p><p>Ava nodded and looked at him again.</p><p>“Well, thank you for the ride, Jay,” she spoke softly, but still gratefully, as she unbuckled her belt.</p><p>“Anytime,” was his earnest response, but before she could get out, he spoke again. “Ava, listen. I know it’s absolutely none of my business, and I don’t want to pressure you, but if there’s anything bothering you – please, let me know.”</p><p>She blinked at him, surprised at the fierceness of his statement.</p><p>“Jay, I-“</p><p>“Wait, please,” he stopped her before continuing. “You don’t ever have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But don’t dismiss it right this second, and think about it for a while, okay?”</p><p>He waited for her nod before pulling his hand away. Her thoughts were swirling in her head and some of the things, that have been haunting her for a while came to the forefront of her mind. She wanted to tell him so badly, but the words caught in her throat every time she thought they’d spill out.</p><p>“Thank you, Jay.” She said at last, before getting out of the car.</p><p>She didn’t turn back around, so she couldn’t see that knowing sadness displayed in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>It seemed like an unspoken agreement between them.</p><p>Ava found every excuse she got to not leave the CT floor, while Connor spent most of his time in the ER or operating in the Hybrid OR. While she had missed her friends from the emergency department, she felt like she could breathe without looking over her shoulder every second.</p><p>Well, besides Beth who, upon realizing that Dr. Latham was not taking her complaint seriously, started a silent riot on the CT floor. Misplaced scalpel, rescheduled surgeries and losing Ava’s medical notes, for starters.</p><p>But Ava never let it get to her. It was actually truly satisfying watching the scrub nurse fume every time Ava ignored her childish game.</p><p>Three weeks after the disastrous surgery with Connor it even seemed like the gossip about her stopped being interesting. There were no more altercations between the CT surgeons and a lot of people that worked in Med saw her and Robin getting a coffee together every other day.</p><p>Connor was, as Robin put it, being childish and ignoring her as well. Her mom told her that he always checked up on her whenever Robin was out of the hospital. Robin had a great laugh when Caroline told them, but Ava could barely muster up a smile.</p><p>Still, she was checking up on Caroline as well – not only she felt responsible, but Caroline was also recovering on the CT floor. That way, she was briefed on the clinical trial that Caroline has been admitted to.</p><p>The surprising although a bit tentative friendship that started between Ava and Robin wasn’t the only refreshing thing in the surgeon’s life.</p><p>Matthew Casey started to be a constant in her life.</p><p>She used to get up in the morning to the text from him and they kept in touch throughout the day. She also agreed to his invite to get to Molly’s on one weekend when they both had a day off. His colleagues from Fire sure remembered her, which was nice as she didn’t have to worry about being left out from the group.</p><p>Slowly, Ava started to feel like maybe things could be OK.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>I know you’re not a vet, but… hypothetically, how much ham is too much ham for a dog?</p><p>Ava smiled before responding.</p><p>Well, depends. Is it the high quality one from the butcher that Kelly gushes about?</p><p>She put her phone down and put her things in the locker before clipping her ID on. The phone vibrated when she put her stethoscope inside her pocket. She turned it on as she walked into ED.</p><p>I should probably forbid him from the kitchen.</p><p>“Well. What’s got you so smiley?”</p><p>Ava looked up into Maggie’s sparkling eyes and rolled her eyes a bit.</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“Sure.” The nurse said unconvinced before turning serious. “Dr. Kovalevsky is on your floor with Dr. Latham who told me to ask you if it’s not a trouble for you to stay here for this shift?”</p><p>“Of course not,” Ava said a bit tightly and smiled at Maggie.</p><p>“Well, OK, I’ll let him know,” she said but added with a raised brow. “And if anyone bothers you – you’re telling me.”</p><p>The blonde smiled gratefully which seemed to be enough for Maggie as she immediately turned to the guy walking past them.</p><p>“Hey Don! I have some stretchers in the ambo bay, can you take care of them?”</p><p>Ava walked to the nurse’s station without hearing the rest of the conversation where she took one of the tablets to see what she’ll be up against today. She was pulled from her thoughts by a curt greeting.</p><p>“Morning.”</p><p>“Morning,” she answered indifferently without looking up from her work as he settled next to her.</p><p>Of course, they’ll have a shift together. Things could not get any worse.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Well, she was wrong.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>She looked up as Connor greeted Robin who turned to Ava as well.</p><p>“Hey, Ava.”</p><p>“Hey, Robin,” Ava smiled a bit in greeting but swiftly avoided her gaze back to work as she saw Connor tensing next to her.</p><p>“So, I heard you’ve done a round on my mom this morning. How’s her new valve doing?”</p><p>Ava realized that Robin was trying to make amends with him, as she knew she told the young Charles about the valve two days ago. And by the way Connor’s voice was followed by a smile, she was succeeding.</p><p>“She’s looking great. I don’t foresee any problems.”</p><p>“Good.” Robin smiled before continuing with a happy lilt in her voice. “Oh, did you see the Vertical farming exhibit at Smart I told you about?”</p><p>He shook his head rather fondly as Robin continued.</p><p>“I’ve told you the future is aeroponics.”</p><p>“You get 120 days of rain. I don’t see us running out of water.”</p><p>“It’s not about the water. It’s about feeding 130 million new babies a year.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Ava considered making a run for it, but Robin saw her move and quickly pulled her into the conversation as well.</p><p>“Have you seen it?”</p><p>“No,” Ava shook her head. “But I’ll make a point to do.”</p><p> “Thank you,” Robin seemed pleased as she pointedly looked at Connor with her answer. “Obviously it’s over some people’s heads.”</p><p>Ava couldn’t help but chuckle since she was used to Robin’s kind of humor since they started their coffee breaks. Robin smirked while Connor looked unimpressed.</p><p>“It’s a vertical farming joke,” Robin explained to him patiently.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“No, no, no.”</p><p>They both laughed with each other and Ava put down her tablet and moved to the ambo bay. She might as well help Don with the stretchers than stay here and watch them get it on with each other. Robin was too engrossed with the conversation while Connor pointedly ignored Ava, so she surely wouldn’t be missed.</p><p>Ava sighed but put on a smile as she saw Don pushing some of the stretchers.</p><p>“Hey, Don! I’ll give you a hand with those!” She called out to him in advance.</p><p>He lifted his head and yelled back to her with a smile.</p><p>“Thank you, nice doctor!”</p><p>She snorted, but before she stepped in the ambo bay, her phone vibrated in her pocket again. Ava stopped and moved to the side in case someone would want to walk past her and pulled out her phone to see a message from Matt.</p><p>Is it happening already? I stopped being hilarious, didn’t I?</p><p>Ava chuckled and went to quickly reply him but in the corner of her eye she saw a movement that caught her attention. She lifted her eyes and her heart stopped.<br/>A car headed straight to the ambo bay.</p><p>She felt her lips forming the words, but she couldn’t say them aloud. The fear just paralyzed her.</p><p>It only took a second.</p><p>The car crashed right through the open door and hit Don who was behind those stretchers. The building shook, as few pillars, vending machines and doors gave way to the force.</p><p>Ava instinctively jumped back as one of the lights came loose from the ceiling and put her hand to shield her face as the glass shattered and few pieces hit her bare forearm.<br/>Another second of silence before everything turned into chaos.</p><p>Ava finally shook herself out of the stupor and quickly moved towards the car where Don started screaming. She was almost beside the car when a yell stopped her.</p><p>“Ava! Watch out!”</p><p>She jumped back again as one of the doors fell down and shattered in pieces, thankfully not hitting her this time around.</p><p>“Help me! Please get me out!”</p><p>Don yelled out again from below the car that was still revving. It took all of her willpower not to turn around and run away but the doctor in her seemed to always win no matter the situation, as she moved forward again.</p><p>“Ava!”</p><p>She turned her head to the front of the ER where everyone seemed to be gathered and looked right at Connor, who yelled at her again.<br/>His worried tone surprised her.</p><p>“I’m good!” she called out back and moved right to the driver’s seat where she used all her strength to try and open the door.</p><p>Ethan and April meanwhile disappeared from her view as they crouched to get to Don who was still calling out for help. Connor appeared right next to her.</p><p>“It’s locked,” Ava growled frustratedly before giving up on trying to use sheer force.</p><p>Connor tried to open it manually as well, but he was as unsuccessful as she was. Ava looked up as she heard Maggie call out to them.</p><p>“I got an idea!”</p><p>She quickly moved to the corner of the room where she picked up a helium bottles which she handed to Connor. Ava immediately moved out of his way as he moved to smash it through the window behind the passenger’s door.</p><p>Maggie disappeared with another yell.</p><p>“I’m calling Fire!”</p><p>Ava jumped back into action as Connor swiftly unlocked the door and opened it. She moved past him and inside the car.</p><p>“Kill the engine, stay with him!” He instructed her before hurrying to Ethan and April.</p><p>“Got it,” she said before turning to the patient. “Sir? I’m Dr. Bekker, can you hear me?”</p><p>She quickly grabbed the car keys when she didn’t get a response and moved the man with utmost care to a sitting position of sorts. Ava grimaced a bit as she saw his face and put her fingers on his neck. She felt his racing pulse as well as his haggard breathing.</p><p>“Thank you,” she said to the nurse that brought her a C collar that they both carefully put on the man. Ava pulled her stethoscope out of her pocket and put it to the man’s chest.</p><p>His leg suddenly moved a bit and she put her hand on his thigh to stop him from moving. It didn’t really help as the car still jolted in place.</p><p>“Hey! Be careful up there!” She heard Ethan yell from below, but her answer was only a slight growl.</p><p>Like she wasn’t trying.</p><p>Within a few seconds, Connor appeared next to her again.</p><p>“Sir? Sir, can you hear me?”</p><p>She pulled the stethoscope over her neck before turning to Connor.</p><p>“He’s got a lot of diastolic rumble.”</p><p>“Could be an embolic stroke,” he continued her assessment.</p><p>She nodded. “Could mean he passed out while driving.”</p><p>Ava pulled herself up and yelled out to the nurse that brought her the C collar.</p><p>“We need to get him up to CT!”</p><p>The nurse nodded and sprung to action. Connor touched her forearm which made her realize how close they were in this cramped space.</p><p>“You OK?” He asked as he looked at the few scraps of glass embedded in her skin.</p><p>She looked down and nodded.</p><p>“It’s nothing.”</p><p>Then she moved around him, and he yelled out.</p><p>“OK, let’s move him.”</p><p>Meanwhile Maggie got back as she appeared next to Ava.</p><p>“Get the gurney in here!”</p><p>She nodded thankfully at Maggie before ducking back inside the car next to Connor.</p><p>“On three?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she agreed.</p><p>“OK – one, two three!”</p><p>They both pulled the man up and jostled him a bit before laying him down on the gurney. Ava painfully registered as the pieces of glass moved deeper in her skin. She clenched her teeth and pushed the gurney with everyone else towards the elevators.</p><p>Before they left, Connor called out to Ethan.</p><p>“Ethan, page me, when you’re ready to move Don, okay?”</p><p>“Yeah!”</p><p>They quickly moved through the now vacated hall before entering the lift. Ava punched the right button to the CT floor before leaning on the wall and closing her eyes for a second. Now that the adrenaline started to fade, her arm was making itself painfully known.</p><p>With gritted teeth Ava opened her eyes to look at the injury. Thankfully, she was not bleeding anymore, but there was only a little bit of blood to start with. But even with the knowledge, the surgeon quickly surveyed the man on the gurney before turning to one of the nurses riding with them.</p><p>“Once we get to CT, disinfect him thoroughly, please,” she asked the nurse who quickly nodded.</p><p>“None of your blood got onto him, Ava,” Connor assured her quietly and Ava lifted her head in surprise from hearing his almost friendly tone.</p><p>“Maybe.” Ava nodded hesitantly. “But I’m not taking the risk.”</p><p>Even though her blood results were OK through every visit, there was still a slight chance that she could test positive.</p><p>“Okay – then you should get your arm checked while I take him for the scan, and we can meet up after?” he suggested.</p><p>Ava pondered on that thought for a second before nodding in agreement and moving back, just as they stopped at the CT floor and everyone grabbed the gurney to hurry the patient for scan. She watched them as they rounded the corner before taking off in the direction of Dr. Latham’s office.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Dr. Latham, I… didn’t mean to barge in on you like that-“</p><p>“No worries, Dr. Bekker – I’m glad you weren’t seriously hurt,” he waved away her concerns as he secured the bandage around her forearm. “You should visit the pharmacy as well for the pain.”</p><p>“I will,” she sighed before quickly picking up her phone where she opened the report from the scan. “I’m so sorry, but I have to go.”</p><p>“Of course,” he offered her a hand which she took with a smile. “Please, be careful, Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>“I’ll try,” Ava said with a smile as she opened the door and head back to her patient.</p><p> </p><p>xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“Mr. Nichols,” Connor addressed the patient when they came in the room together. “I’m Dr. Rhodes. This is Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>Ava rounded the bed and smiled at the man as he looked up to her.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Connor asked taking a stand on his other side.</p><p>“Ugh, sore. But okay,” the patient answered to which Connor nodded. The man bit his lip before continuing. “I’m so sorry about what happened. I was getting numb and dizzy and I just wanted to get here…”</p><p>“And you passed out while you were driving?” Connor filled in for him questioningly.</p><p>The man sighed in agreement and Connor continued.</p><p>“Mr. Nichols, your scans showed that you have a tumor growing in your heart,” he informed the man gravely and put the tablet in front of him before continuing with the explanation. “It’s called the myxoma. Now, it is most likely benign, which means that it won’t spread into the rest of your body, but it is large enough, that pieces are breaking off and causing you to have small strokes.”</p><p>The man looked at the tablet and then back art Connor.</p><p>“So how do you fix it?”</p><p>“Normally we would remove it surgically but yours has grown extremely large,” Ava answered patiently so he turned his head to her.</p><p>“We would like to put you in the transplant list,” Connor added to her explanation to which Ava nodded. “Find you a new healthy heart.”</p><p>“Couldn’t that take a while?” Mr. Nichols asked worriedly. “What if I have another stroke? I could die.”</p><p>“Removing the tumor is a very difficult procedure,” Ava said kindly. “If we try and we’re unsuccessful, your body won’t be able to tolerate the transplant later on.”</p><p>“But it’s possible you could get it all out?” He asked hopefully and rather reasonably.</p><p>“It’s possible,” Ava conceded. “But-“</p><p>“Then let’s do it,” Mr. Nichols jumped in and she saw Connor in the corner of her eye shaking his head.</p><p>“Mr. Nichols, I appreciate how eager you are to take care of this, but I…,” Connor explained and looked briefly at Ava, who nodded, before continuing. “…we would advise against that.”</p><p>“This thing almost killed me today,” the man shook his head and gave the tablet back to Connor. “So, please, take it out.”</p><p>Connor turned to Ava with obviously unhappy look, but Ava turned back to patient who, ultimately, had the right to decide for himself.</p><p>“Well, the risks are significant. Very significant,” she pointed out and put a hand on his arm. “But, if you’d prefer to take them – of course we’d do everything we can to fix this.”</p><p>“Yes,” he nodded and put his calloused hand on Ava’s. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ava smiled and squeezed his hand before pulling away. “I’ll bring up the plan and come back to you to go through everything, okay?”</p><p>“Okay. Thank you so much.”</p><p>Ava nodded and moved out of the room while Connor turned to their patient again before following her.</p><p>“Okay then.”</p><p>She moved outside and turned back around when Connor addressed her.</p><p>“Ava, you realize what we are committing ourselves to?”</p><p>“I do,” she sighed and looked through the glass at the patient. “But it’s a chance for him.”</p><p>“We get one shot at opening him up,” Connor continued, and she turned back to him. “If we’d do it and won’t succeed, he’s gonna die.”</p><p>“Yeah. But I trust you and I know we are more than capable to pull through,” she said and added. “We can do it.”</p><p>Her phone started buzzing in her pocket more insistently, so she pulled it out and sent a half-smile to Connor.</p><p>“Sorry, I have to take this.”</p><p>With that she quickly walked away and answered.</p><p>“Ava? You okay?”</p><p>Her smiled turned more genuine as she walked into one of the empty on-call rooms and closed the door behind her.</p><p>“Yeah, Matt, I’m fine,” she answered as she sat down on the bed. “Sorry I wasn’t able to get back to you, it was a bit hectic here.”</p><p>“Figured,” the fireman chuckled, and his tone was lighter. “I’m glad you’re okay.”</p><p>“So am I,” she replied a bit teasingly before turning more serious. “You actually saved my life.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” he asked a bit confused.</p><p>“Well,” Ava sighed as she pulled a tablet from the table closer to herself to start on Mr. Nichols operating plan. “You’ve texted me just as I was heading to the ambo bay. I stopped to text you back before the car ran through.”</p><p>She typed a few information in before asking.</p><p>“Matt? Are you there?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, just… I’m really glad you’re okay.”</p><p>Ava stopped typing and swallowed the lump in her throat.</p><p>“Guess I owe you a big thank you.”</p><p>“Well, if you insist – how about dinner tomorrow?”</p><p>She froze and gripped her phone tightly in her hand. Going out with him and his friends was different than going alone. Was he asking her out on a date or was he just concerned about her wellbeing as a friend?</p><p>“Dinner?” she repeated a bit dumbly.</p><p>“You can thank me in person AND I can actually make sure you’re okay,” he explained, and she could hear his smile.</p><p>“I don’t know…”</p><p>“You don’t have to, obviously,” was his kind reassurance once he heard the hesitation in her voice. She could slightly hear a siren coming on in the background. “Sorry, gotta go. How about you just think about it? And then you can give me a call when you decide?”</p><p>“Sure. I will,” she promised quickly.</p><p>“Great,” Matt chuckled. “Talk to you soon, then. Please be careful, Ava.”</p><p>“You too.”</p><p>“Bye.”</p><p>“Bye.”</p><p>Once he hung up, she placed her phone on the bed next to her and stared at it for a while, trying to make sense of everything. She bit her lip and drummed her fingers nervously along the tablet.</p><p>She got to know Matt in the few weeks. More than she knew Connor in a year, apparently… That thought made her shake her head.</p><p>She’ll think about it. But right now, she needed to talk to Mr. Nichols and get ready for the surgery.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>As she walked into the OR with Connor, her mind was still turning back to the conversation with Matt, even though she scolded herself internally many times. Her colleague must have noticed that she was a bit lost in her thoughts, as he kept glancing at her.</p><p>The surgery started easy enough but soon they were getting obstacles in. Ava swore softly under her breath as she was unable to move swiftly.</p><p>“I can’t get in,” she said out loud. “Retract the atrium.”</p><p>Connor did as she asked but added drily.</p><p>“That’s as far back as it’s gonna go.”</p><p>Ava moved her hands to get a few angles, but she couldn’t get to the tumor the way she wanted.</p><p>“I can’t get around it,” she confessed frustratedly before noticing the size of the tumor. “Dammit. The tumor’s extended too far to the oracle.”</p><p>“And into the bowl and the SA node.” Connor added rather unhelpfully given the circumstances.</p><p>She fixed him a look to which he answered.</p><p>“I don’t see how we’re ever gonna get the margins clear.”</p><p>“You mean we have to close him back up?” she asked.</p><p>“No,” he shook his head. “We can’t close him back up. He’s never gonna survive another procedure. We need to fix this today.”</p><p>“Don’t you think I know that?” she asked him with the same sort of frustration.</p><p>The OR was eerily silent again and everyone was watching the two of them very closely. Connor seemed to realize that too.</p><p>“Let me try it from here,” he suggested in calmer voice.</p><p>Ava exchanged the tools with him without a question. Connor turned to the resident next to him.</p><p>“Retract the atrium.”</p><p>“Yes sir. Forceps.”</p><p>As she grabbed the tool, Connor showed her the place where he wanted her.</p><p>“Right here.”</p><p>Before anyone could do anything, another nurse came in.</p><p>“Dr. Rhodes? They’re ready to extract the patient from under the car.”</p><p>Ava looked at Connor and nodded. She knew they have to move quickly with Don.</p><p>“Okay,” Connor said to the nurse and turned back to Ava. “Keep dissecting. It’s the only option we have.”</p><p>She nodded again and reached for the tool herself. Connor backed away and Ava motioned to the resident to take his place. Once the door closed, she looked up to the doctor in front of her.</p><p>“Okay. We’re going just as we did, but if you’ll think of something, don’t be afraid to say it out loud. This is a hard situation and every idea is appreciated.”</p><p>The woman nodded and picked up the dissector as well.</p><p>“Good. Start on the left and we’ll meet in the middle.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“Marty, time?”</p><p>“45 minutes.”</p><p>Ava let out a long breath as she cut out another part of the tumor. In front of her was another resident who was looking on the surgery and rotated with his colleague. They even offered Ava to take a breather, but she knew she couldn’t stop now.</p><p>Especially since it was her who planted the idea to Mr. Nichols’ head.</p><p>“Take another break,” she advised the resident who nodded in thanks.</p><p>Before the residents could trade places the door opened again and Connor rounded the table.</p><p>“How’s Don?” Ava immediately asked in a hushed and worried tone as she was dutifully dissecting.</p><p>“We’ll see,” Connor answered truthfully before grabbing the hooks to look at the heart. “You took a good chunk of the tumor.”</p><p>Ava’s eyes drifted to the bowl next to her for a second.</p><p>“Not really. It’s gonna take a while, but I can at least rotate a bit,” she told him before carefully lifting the heart. “See? In this place we could probably re-circulate the blood from one of the arteries. It might be risky to partially cut out the heart, but the atrium is big enough to function well.”</p><p>She put the heart back and went for the dissector, but Connor put his hand on hers which made her look up.</p><p>“Actually, I’ve got something.”</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“We’re gonna remove the tumor outside of his body.”</p><p>The silence washed over the operating room again, safe for the beeping machines. The residents were looking at Connor with wide eyes. Ava cleared her throat before asking.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Yeah. Robin’s coworker in Minesotta figured some procedure out. I think we should try it.”</p><p>“Was it published somewhere?”</p><p>“Are we really gonna rate the possibly life-saving idea?” he asked a bit angrily.</p><p>“No,” Ava frowned. “I am asking, because I haven’t heard about it yet. Are they at least making trials?”</p><p>“The results are good.”</p><p>“But not academically proven.”</p><p>“Do you need everything certified by a highly paid association?”</p><p>“No. But you’re suggesting a risky procedure-“</p><p>“Like you haven’t?”</p><p>She glared at him.</p><p>“The dissection IS working.”</p><p>“Because you got lucky.”</p><p>“Have you suddenly excluded yourself from this surgery without anyone’s notice?” she asked sarcastically.</p><p>“You just don’t like this idea, because Robin suggested it.”</p><p>From the corner of her eye, she saw the scrub nurses having a blast because of this. She took a breath and put down the dissector.</p><p>“Fine. Go ahead.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>As the heart was transferred onto the ice, she started to question herself. Was she supposed to put her foot down?</p><p>“I really don’t like this,” she reminded Connor out loud.</p><p>“You have a better idea?” he contorted.</p><p>Not anymore, she thought bitterly to herself.</p><p>“You don’t know how you’re going to restart his heart,” she told him seriously.</p><p>“Let’s focus on right now.”</p><p>She sighed.</p><p>“I don’t care that Robin suggested it,” she said at last. “I’m only saying that she is not a thoracic surgeon. You do understand where I’m coming from, don’t you?”</p><p>He stopped and looked at her.</p><p>“I trust her.”</p><p>And with that he turned back to work. Ava swallowed her pride and let the hurt burn right through her. This surgery, then she’ll be out.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“You know that there’s no published data on intracardiac pace-making in replanted hearts,” Ava pointed out as she glumly looked at Connor who was slowly piecing the heart back inside Mr. Nichols’ chest.</p><p>“I’m aware,” he told her with an icy look before refocusing on the heart again.</p><p>Ava nodded to herself and continued.</p><p>“So, do you have a plan for what to do if it doesn’t catch?” she voiced her main concern.</p><p>He looked up again and for a few seconds they stared at each other.</p><p>“No.” he admitted. Then he looked back down. “OK, here we go.”</p><p>Ava put her hand on one of the cross clamps and turned to Connor who nodded. She pulled the clamp away and everyone held their breath while looking at the heart.</p><p>Five seconds.</p><p>Then the heart started beating.</p><p>“Well, would you look at that,” Connor said with unconcealed sarcasm to which Ava lifted her head.</p><p>Connor was looking behind her, so she turned as well. Robin was smiling behind the glass, eyes solely on Connor. Ava turned back around and ordered one of the residents next to her.</p><p>“Alright, we still have a lot of work to do. Let’s get him of the bypass.”</p><p>“Yes, doctor.”</p><p>Ava nodded and grabbed her tools again. She held her breath waiting for him to say something, but in a few seconds, he joined her without any other comment.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“Hey April,” Ava said quietly as she neared the nurse looking through the glass.</p><p>The woman in question quickly turned around and Ava gasped in surprise as she was immediately tackled in a hug.</p><p>“Are you okay?!” the nurse asked urgently and squeezed her a bit tighter when Ava finally reciprocated the gesture.</p><p>“Yeah, just a few scratches,” the surgeon assured before leaning back a bit and nodding into the patient behind the glass. “How’s Don?”</p><p>“They’ve set his pelvis back. He’s probably gonna make a full recovery,” April said with a small smile.</p><p>“Thank god,” Ava breathed out and they both looked back at their coworker.</p><p>“April?”</p><p>Both of them turned to Ethan who was walking to them. His gaze flickered to Ava’s arm, so she spoke without prompting.</p><p>“I’m good, just a few scratches. I’ll grab the pain mads on my way out – your concern is appreciated.”</p><p>They all chuckled, and Ava hugged April once again before heading off with a quiet goodnight to both of them. She walked through the post-op wing and peaked into the locker room where she and Connor resided but didn’t find him there.</p><p>He probably headed to Mr. Nichols and waited for her there.</p><p>As she made her way through the empty hallway and neared Mr. Nichols’ room, she heard laughter from the inside. Her steps sowed down as she peeked in through the glass.</p><p>Robin and Connor were laughing together with Mr. Nichols. Ava bit her lip and turned back around, almost running back to the locker room where she sat down.<br/>Despite everything, he didn’t have any right to exclude her from the post-op check-up.</p><p>She stood up and paced the floor for a while before angrily storming to her locker and opening it. She got changed and then packed aggressively. Still vibrating with anger, she slammed the locker door shut and leaned back against it.</p><p>She looked at her watch before crossing her arms, gaze fixed on the door. Ava didn’t have to wait long. Connor walked in with the last traces of laughter still on his face. That immediately dropped as he spotted Ava.</p><p>Without another glance to her, he headed to his own locker.</p><p>“Going to our patient alone? Seriously?” she asked him bluntly and tried to ignore the way his shoulders tensed at the sound of her voice.</p><p>“I made the round quicker than you. Also, Robin wanted to see Mr. Nichols,” he said tonelessly without looking at her.</p><p>“Yeah. She couldn’t have possibly waited five minutes for me to join you, right?” Ava said sarcastically which earned her a long sigh.</p><p>“What’s your problem now, Ava?” he asked in a still eerily calm voice.</p><p>“My problem is that you seem to exclude me when it’s convenient for you,” she answered and took a step to him. “I’m keeping things professional – meaning, if WE have a patient, then WE consult. Together. I don’t cast you out because of our personal issues.”</p><p>“Suddenly you’re eager to play team?” he asked drily as he closed the locker and looked at her. “Are you sure it’s not to just get higher stats?”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him.</p><p>“I was thinking about our patient when you suddenly suggested an idea that you didn’t bother to consult with anyone from the CT!”</p><p>“And there it is!” he shook his head and crossed his arms as well. “You just can’t stand the fact, that it was Robin and not you, who figured a way out.”</p><p>“That is not true. Unlike you, I was more worried about Mr. Nichols, since that procedure was never verified, therefore dangerous!”</p><p>“And you were not confident you can pull him through?” he threw back her own words.</p><p>Ava shook her head as well.</p><p>“Believe it or not – no,” she said angrily. “No, because this wasn’t about our skills. This was about a medical procedure, that you read a few minutes before getting in the OR! And that is YOUR signature move, isn’t it?!”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?!” he snapped at her, but Ava stood her ground.</p><p>“That you just keep taking risks in the OR! Ever since that twin surgery-“</p><p>“Oh, here we go again! Are you ever gonna get over the fact, that Mayo offered the place to me and not you?” he interrupted her angrily.</p><p>“Well clearly, I’m not a goddamn risk taker, that they would like to see, as you are!” Ava hissed at him before scoffing. “When I offered Caroline to do the surgery, you called me arrogant and selfish. But once YOU do the same thing, suddenly it’s okay!”</p><p>“So, being confident is now a bad thing? But you didn’t take the risk because of confidence. You just had to find another way to get back at me, because you’re jealous of Robin.”</p><p>“You clearly don’t know me at all,” she spat out. “But it doesn’t matter because you don’t trust me, right?”</p><p>“You don’t give me any reason to do so,” he snapped back.</p><p>Ava huffed disbelievingly.</p><p>“Right.” She said and grabbed her bag. “Even if I tried, you wouldn’t care enough to look for it.”</p><p>With that she turned around and walked out of the room. The whole journey from the CT floor and elevator ride was a nightmare. Everyone seemed to get back into hating her from the distance. Because of that, she decided to leave the hospital through the ambo bay, so she wouldn’t bump into anyone.</p><p>As she walked past the debris and totaled car still there, she stopped for a second before resuming her walk. Once Ava got outside, she took a deep breath, pulled out her <br/>phone and pressed Matt’s contact. For a few painful seconds, the phone kept ringing, before the fireman answered.</p><p>“Hi, Ava.”</p><p>“Hi,” she greeted back and before she could talk herself out of it, continued. “So. Dinner. Are we talking something fancy or casual?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Never safe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>We're moving onto S04E18.<br/>I'm starting to divert from the cannon rather significantly while trying to stay on the timeline.</p><p>Ava's going on a date with Matt and gets some news. She's also going to face her fears again for the first time in a long time, when the Board meeting escalates...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so sorry for the delay and a short chapter, but school and work has been wearing me out.</p><p>I truly hope you're all safe out there! Sending lots of love to you and thank you for staying tuned!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The worst thing about it was that she initially felt relieved, when Matt suggested a casual dinner. If he wanted to go to some very expensive restaurant, she would have to put a lot of effort to her looks – and of course, pick the right dress.</p><p>Going to a sandwich club near Navy Pier was supposed to make her choice a lot easier.</p><p>But instead she took more than thirty minutes picking the right outfit, that would look casual but not too shabby. She was mad at herself because at the end of it, she went with her favorite jeans and long-sleeved shirt.</p><p>Matt arrived just in time before she could question her clothes once again, so she only grabbed her bag and a jacket on the way out. She locked the building’s front door and smiled at him as she hopped inside his truck and buckled herself in.</p><p>“Hi. Thank you for coming to get me here – I could’ve-“</p><p>“Yes, you could’ve taken the bus. Or walked, as I know you,” he finished for her fondly as he stepped on the gas and looked at her with a smile. “Hi. So, you’re in one piece.”</p><p>“Like I’ve already told you before,” she teased with a smirk, that elicited a sigh from him.</p><p>“Oh, you’re definitely alright,” he rolled his eyes with a smile.</p><p>“And how are you?”</p><p>He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel and frowned lightly.</p><p>“Well, could’ve been better.”</p><p>“Something happened?” she asked kindly.</p><p>“I’ve been quite harsh on Herrmann today,” he admitted with a sigh.</p><p>“Did you apologize?”</p><p>“Yeah, of course.”</p><p>“And he accepted your apology?”</p><p>“Yeah, but-“</p><p>“Then maybe you shouldn’t worry about it anymore. Herrmann’s not a guy that would hold a grudge against you. And since you apologized, I think you both should put it behind you,” she said and added a bit sheepishly, when they stopped at a red light at Matt stared at her. “I mean, if you want my advice…”</p><p>“Ava,” he interrupted her seriously in a warm voice. “I always want your opinion.”</p><p>She blushed and glared at him slightly to keep her dignity. He only grinned in return.</p><p>“You might not realize it, but you’re actually great at giving advices.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe you’ve been missing this view for so long.”</p><p>Ava shrugged but her lips curved into a smile at his disbelieving tone.</p><p>“I haven’t really had much time for myself… lately,” she admitted and pointed to a vacant bench. “Mind if we stop here? So I can thoroughly enjoy the scenery?”</p><p>He snorted but nodded with a smile and they sat down on the bench with cups of black coffee in their hands. Ava looked into the distance and fully took in both the city and the lake. She shivered slightly as the wind bore into her and her fingers grasped the hot drink more tightly.</p><p>“It’s not as breathtaking as the Atlantic back in Cape Town, but I guess it has its charm,” she smirked as she saw him shaking his head while pretending to be annoyed with her.</p><p>“Of course you’d say that.”</p><p>“Well, there’s nothing much to look at,” she shrugged. “The city’s basically the same with all those skyscrapers.”</p><p>“I don’t think you appreciate Chicago enough. You can drive back, so maybe you’d pay more attention to your surroundings,” he said in jest, but Ava froze and her smile disappeared.</p><p>She wasn’t used to be with someone who could so easily pick up on her mood, so she didn’t hide her reaction quickly enough.</p><p>“Ava?”</p><p>“Sorry,” she said with a grimace. “I don’t… I mean I can drive, but I… don’t.”</p><p>She could see the questions in her eyes, so it surprised her, when he simply said: “OK.”</p><p>“You don’t wanna know why?” Ava couldn’t help herself but ask.</p><p>Matt smiled at that.</p><p>“Not If you don’t feel comfortable telling me that.”</p><p>She looked away from his warm eyes and her fingers drummed nervously at the cup in her hands. It surprised her that she wasn’t opposed to telling him the truth.</p><p>“I got my license when I was… 19, I think,” she mused out loud. “I was such a control freak behind the wheel. I stopped at every crosswalk even though there wasn’t anyone. I was never speeding. And you know how they teach you to put your hands on the steering wheel based on the clockwork? Yeah, I couldn’t drive before everything was in a perfect order.”</p><p>She chuckled and shook her head before turning serious.</p><p>“In my last year of Med school, I’ve been driving my brother around a lot. We always argued because he basically made me his chauffeur. I’ve been studying for one of the last exams one night and my brother was out again, as always. I told him not to bother me that day, but I knew that he’d call me to get a lift and I’ll come and get him anyway.”</p><p>Her lips twitched slightly at the memory of her brother’s cheeky smile.</p><p>“He called, obviously, at like 2 AM. I was up studying still, but even if I didn’t have to study, I know I’d still wait up on him to text me. I was really worried about him, all the time – even though he was the older one,” she smiled briefly. “When I got to him that night, he was barely tipsy – he never got hammered, as far as I know. We were joking – well, he was making fun of me. Said I was driving like a grandpa. I told him he could walk if he wants to.”</p><p>Her breath hitched and she sniffed but the emotion didn’t disappear. Matt hasn’t said a word but outstretched his hand, palm up, towards her. She took it gratefully and lightly squeezed in thanks.</p><p>“I stopped at the crossroad and when the light went green, I tapped the gas, and he was… He was joking about one of his friends and I turned to him slightly, to tell him that he’s an idiot, but…,” she closed her eyes and continued wetly. “I saw bright light, a big lorry smashed into the passenger’s side. I didn’t… I didn’t see my brother. That’s my last though of that night. Weird right?”</p><p>She opened her eyes and looked at Matt through the tears.</p><p>“I just… There are moments, where I don’t even remember his face, I just see this bright light, and I have to pull up his picture, just so I can look at him. And-“ she cut herself off with a sob and Matt closed the distance between them and engulfed her in a hug.</p><p>Ava cried for a long time, but it felt different. She wasn’t able to tell the whole story to her therapist – it felt too impersonal. With Matt, she didn’t feel like she burdened him with her issues.</p><p>He sat there, not saying a word, just slightly rocking her and rubbing her back as she cried her pain away.</p><p>When she felt composed enough, she pulled away and gratefully took the tissue he offered, blew her nose and wiped her tears. As she opened her mouth, he stopped her gently.</p><p>“Don’t apologize,” he said. And then added gently. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”</p><p>“Thank you,” she whispered and cleared her throat. “When I woke up in the hospital, the police told me, the driver T-boned us. My parents sued him, and he’s been paying us ever since the judge approved of the fine.”</p><p>She shook her head and looked back at Matt.</p><p>“I used the money from him and from my insurance to pay for the schooling. My mother… she got so angry when she found out. We got into an argument and both ended up saying really hurtful things. I apologized for what I’ve said to her, but she didn’t want to listen to me unless I get the money back,” she told him and smiled ruefully. <br/>“Obviously, I couldn’t get the money back, and I wouldn’t do it, even if I could.”</p><p>She searched his face for any sign of disagreement, but he only looked invested in her words, so she continued.</p><p>“So, she told me to get out of her house and never come back,” she squeezed his hand when his brow furrowed. She wanted to tell him the whole story first. “I packed my things, said goodbye to my dad and moved in with Reike, my colleague at the time. She studied Psychology, so I had sessions for free.”</p><p>They both smiled and Ava sighed.</p><p>“I haven’t talked to her since that day. My dad visited and we talked, but it wasn’t the same. They got divorced two months later after I left. I didn’t ask my dad what happened, but I told him, that if he ever needed to talk about it, I’d listen. Two years into my residency, I got the offer from Dr. Latham. I didn’t even hesitated.”</p><p>“And your dad stayed?” He asked the first question after the long silence from him.</p><p>Ava nodded and felt a bittersweet smile creep up on her face.</p><p>“I feel like it made our relationship stable again. When I was in Africa, our meetings were this required ordeal we had to go through. Now, we just call each other randomly – he once called me because he won Squash against his childhood sworn enemy.”</p><p>Matt chuckled and Ava sighed with a smile. They sat for a while in a silence, hands still clasped together, before Matt broke the silence again.</p><p>“What was his name?”</p><p>Ava swallowed a bit harshly before answering.</p><p>“Luan. He was 27.”</p><p>Matt nodded.</p><p>“I’m truly sorry, Ava. I can’t even imagine what I’d do if something happened to Christie,” he admitted pensively.</p><p>“I hope you never have to go through that. It…,” she sighed, grabbed her bag and slowly got up, while letting go of his hand. She looked into the distance. “It messed me up. Pretty badly, actually.”</p><p>She turned around to find him watching her intently. He was resting his elbows on his knees, body leaning towards her.</p><p>“I went to therapy,” she gulped harshly and wringed her hands. She immediately stopped as she noticed her nervous tick. “I still go sometimes.”</p><p>Matt’s face remained serious, but his eyes softened.</p><p>“Nothing wrong with that,” he told her with conviction and his eyes flickered with emotions. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you about my mom. She… well, she killed my father when she’s finally had enough of… of his abuse. I didn’t take it very well as I was in the dark on what actually happened. Me and Christie grew distant… What I’m trying to say, I’ve been to therapy as well.”</p><p>Ava took it all in and reached out to him. He took her hand and got up as well. She squeezed his hand.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she spoke in a quiet soft voice.</p><p>“Yeah. But I believe that everything happens for a reason. Helps us grow into better people.”</p><p>Ava couldn’t help herself.</p><p>“You sure you didn’t steal that from the fortune cookie?”</p><p>He snorted and pulled at her hand while she was chuckling. Their eyes met and Ava became painfully aware how close they were standing, still hand in hand.</p><p>They quieted down. Ava turned her head upwards and Matt’s eyes dropped to her lips for a second. She held her breath and when it seemed like he would lean down for a kiss, her phone started ringing. She cursed under her breath to which she saw him smile as she backed away and started searching for her phone.</p><p>Dr. Ramirez</p><p>Ava felt her heart drop and Matt frowned as he saw her tense up.</p><p>“Who is it?”</p><p>“Um… Dr. Ramirez. My HIV tests…,” she was able to get out and at his encouraging nod, she answered the call. “Hello, Dr. Ramirez.”</p><p>“Oh, hello, Dr. Bekker! I’m so sorry to call you this late but you’ve put down a request to be called as soon as the results would be in,” Dr. Ramirez rapidly spoke and judging from the noise, she was still running around her lab.</p><p>“Yes. So, what’s the verdict?”</p><p>“Every single one of them were negative – you’re cleared. Congratulations! You can flush those nasty pills down the drain! Actually… that was a joke. Please, bring the unused pills back to the hospital,” the young woman on the other end laughed.</p><p>Ava closed her eyes and felt her lips twitch into a smile.</p><p>“I will. Thank you, Dr. Ramirez and have a nice evening.”</p><p>“You too, Dr. Bekker! Goodnight!”</p><p>“Goodnight.”</p><p>She pulled the phone down and turned to Matt who was smiling slightly but raised a brow to confirm his guess.</p><p>“Negative!”</p><p>Ava smiled brightly as she said it out loud, laughed with delight and jump right into his arms. He caught her easily and circled his arms around her waist as she buried her face in his neck and took a shuddery breath.</p><p>His hands tightened a bit.</p><p>“So,” he murmured fondly into her hair. “Are we getting a drink?”</p><p>“I am, mister driver,” she said smugly and laughed at his playfully offended spluttering.</p><p> </p><p>xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>Ava knew that she shouldn’t have expected the luck to be on her side for longer than a week.</p><p>This time, it was Gwen Garrett, who destroyed the momentary peace in her life with a Board meeting.</p><p>Because Ava wasn’t intervening with the politics happening in the inner circle of the Board members, didn’t mean she wasn’t aware about it or cautious towards the decisions made there. Staying out of all the flaunting was always the smarter choice unless it concerned her or the patients.</p><p>Lately, she had to shamefully admit to herself that she was avoiding the part of the hospital where these men resided in. She could barely deal with one Rhodes crossing her path daiy. Just thinking about Cornelius Rhodes made her skin crawl.</p><p>Unfortunately, she couldn’t hide from him forever, as she was the attending and Gwen wasn’t very happy, when it was always Dr. Latham who spoke on behalf of the whole CT floor. Meaning, she “advised” Ava to take part in one of the meetings.</p><p>Ava agreed mostly because she wasn’t sure how to explain her unwillingness to attend the Board meetings to Dr. Latham. Another part of her wanted to finally gain the courage to be in the same room as that man.</p><p>As she was following Gwen inside, her eyes quickly scanned her surroundings. A few of the men sent a nod or a small smile her way, but most of them looked already bored and glanced right past her. Which was fine by her.</p><p>“Thank you all for coming today,” interrupted her survey Gwen and Ava quickly looked for a place to sit at the table.</p><p>“I’m sure you can squeeze in with us, Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>She turned her head to Rhodes Sr. who gave her one of his press smiles and patted the seat next him. Ava felt everyone look her way, so she walked over with steady steps but her heart in a throat and sat down in between him and Sharon Goodwin, who greeted her with a smile that she barely reciprocated.</p><p>The surgeon forced herself to sit still and her gaze was fixated on Gwen as she spoke. Even though she wasn’t looking at him, every fiber of her being was painfully aware of him and her hands anxiously gripped her notes tighter.</p><p>That is why she almost jumped out of her seat when Cornelius suddenly interrupted Gwen.</p><p>“I know Med is not a for-profit organization, but this report?” He laughed and Ava moved a bit more towards Sharon.</p><p>“If my board saw numbers like this, they’d be calling for a vote of no-confidence.” He added with sovereignty as he glanced over to Gwen who smiled despite the metaphorical daggers in her eyes aimed at him.</p><p>“Mr. Rhodes, you can see that one reason for our fiscal issues is the ED’s Hybrid room, which you,” she smiled sweetly, “only partially funded.”</p><p>Ava swallowed thickly as the man next to her laughed and drummed his fingers on the table.</p><p>“I think the rest of the board would agree with me,” he said and conspirationaly looked around the table. “that my contributions have been more than generous. Don’t you think so, Dr. Bekker?”</p><p>He turned to her suddenly and she forced herself to speak.</p><p>“The hospital surely appreciates your donation-“</p><p>“See?” He cut her off without care and attacked Gwen again. “In fact, what I’m seeing, is a lot of your pet projects not working out so well. Let’s look at the refurbishment of the VIP wing. Lot of empty beds there.”</p><p>Gwen curtly nodded and looked at everyone else.</p><p>“After Dr. Downey’s death, we became less of a destination hospital for our CT patients. We’re still under the process of rebranding. To which, I might add, helped Dr. Bekker, who’ll give us a run down about some important milestones our hospital has passed in the last few weeks.”</p><p>Gwen nodded with a sharp smile to Ava and looked rather coldly at Cornelius.</p><p>“And your son, of whom you must be very proud of for his accomplishments here, contributed to our status as well.”</p><p>The board interrupted in soft murmurs and Gwen stopped them by turning to Sharon.</p><p>“And in the meantime, since you were such a vocal advocate for the Hybrid OR, Sharon, it seems only fair, that you should find cuts in other departments to make up for some of our losses.”</p><p>“Well, I would certainly take a look,” Sharon answered but intensely looked at everyone around the table. “But I hate to put us in a legal jeopardy or lose our reputation as the premiere medical center of the mid-west.”</p><p>“Well said, Sharon,” congratulated her Rhodes and leaned a bit over Ava, who moved out of the way. “Very well said.”</p><p>Rhodes then leaned over more to speak directly to Gwen.</p><p>“We certainly wouldn’t want that.”</p><p>“Of course,” Gwen smiled and turned away. “We’re going to discuss our financing on the CT floor, which I believe would be best explained from Dr. Bekker. Shall we?”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>Ava was never happier to leave a room as she did after the meeting. Surprisingly, Gwen almost knocked her over, as she herself hurried out of the door after checking her messages. From the looks of it, Ava would bet it was something worth a lot of thousands of dollars.</p><p>Her phone vibrated inside her coat pocket and she moved to the side, so she wasn’t in the way of the leaving board members and checked her phone. Her eyes lit up as she opened a photo of sleeping Tuesday with her head propped on a firefighter’s helmet.<br/>Ava smiled.</p><p>“Very nice speech you gave in there, Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>She jumped at the voice and quickly turned around and moved away from the man standing way too close to her. Her smiled disappeared immediately.</p><p>“My apologies – didn’t mean to startle you,” Cornelius explained unapologetically with a wolfish smile.</p><p>Ava curtly nodded and took a step to the left to walk past him but stopped when he moved as well. She stiffened as he exaggeratedly sniffed the air.</p><p>“New perfume?”</p><p>“That is absolutely none of your business,” Ava hissed at him without caring for the fact, that he was successfully trying to make her angry. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a scheduled surgery.”</p><p>He took a step towards her and his eyes sparkled as she automatically took a step back.</p><p>“Well, I’ve heard that one of the empty VIP beds will be finally used today. I’m actually surprised that Mrs. Garrett didn’t recommend you to be on that surgery instead of your boring one.”</p><p>Ava narrowed her eyes, even though she felt a pang of anger at the implications.</p><p>“This may come to you as a surprise, since you hardly care about that, but no surgery is boring to me,” she said rather coldly.</p><p>He only smiled condescendingly at her words.</p><p>“Well, then I guess it’s my son’s lucky day.” His smile widened as the anger flashed through Ava’s eyes. “You are so generous with sharing, Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>She pushed down the disgusted shudder and moved around him without another word, but he grabbed her arm. Ava felt panic course through her body as she trashed her hand fiercely, and felt a scream building inside her throat, when he suddenly let go of her.</p><p>“Easy there. You’re like a skittish horse today,” he chuckled.</p><p>Ava took a step towards him even though she wanted to run away.</p><p>“Don’t touch me again,” she warned him, but her voice trembled a bit.</p><p>His eyes flashed and his smile widened.</p><p>“I like a challenge.”</p><p>“I mean it. Stay away from me,” Ava said sharply.</p><p>“Now, now,” he smirked. “Don’t be like that. I can get you in on that surgery.”</p><p>“Last time you did something for me, you–“</p><p>She felt her breath hitch and took a step back as she felt crowded by him. It should have made her angry, the way he was obviously amused by this situation, but she felt only panic and fear clawing at her throat.</p><p>“We had fun the last time.”</p><p>Her eyes widened.</p><p>“You tried to–“</p><p>“We had a very nice dinner,” he interrupted her. “And you were very persistent to come to my office after.”</p><p>“I didn’t!” she blurted out desperately. “It was you, who–“</p><p>“We agreed and you left.”</p><p>She was too stunned to object or move. He smiled tauntingly again.</p><p>“You came to me to negotiate, Dr. Bekker. Remember that,” he raised his brows and walked around her to the elevator.</p><p>“That wasn’t what happened,” Ava found her voice and he turned around to her while pushing a button.</p><p>His smile was cruel this time and his eyes were laughing at her. Taunting her.</p><p>“And who’d believe you?”</p><p>The doors closed and Ava took a shaky breath in.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>NEXT: Robin's "kidnapping" and the VIP surgery with our CT surgeons.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. No way to run, no place to hide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Episode 4×18 "Tell Me The Truth" – getting away from canon, but keeping the main events intact.</p><p>The tensions are running high and Ava faces another backlash from the nurses and Connor as she steps into a surgery for a high profile patient that is interrupted by an alarming call regarding Robin. Ava's terrible day continues even that night as she comes home...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so very sorry for posting so late but so many things in my life were happening!<br/>But, I'm not giving up on this story until I finish it. So buckle up, it's gonna be a wild ride.</p><p>Also, screw canon, right? I'm trying to portray Ava as realistically as possible – as the surgeon I came to love (and who is not a crazy psychopath).<br/>Sorry for mistakes – english is not my first language. Hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“This is absolutely ridiculous!” Ava snapped but immediately tried to calm herself down, as she caught Beth’s eye.</p><p>Everyone from their surgical team was called in Dr. Latham’s office. Except Connor, who was needed in the VIP wing consulting someone. Ava couldn’t be more grateful for the fact, that Gwen chose him to operate on the high-profile patient, as he wouldn’t be here to witness yet another humiliation the nurses prepared for her.</p><p>Dr. Latham was looking between her and Beth with tired and a bit annoyed expression. Ava hoped that this wouldn’t cost her this job. Beth on the other hand looked awfully smug – a fact, that Ava loathed her for, as they were both very much aware of how Dr. Latham didn’t grasp emotions that well.</p><p>“As much as it is… concerning,” their boss stated carefully. “I don’t see it affecting anyone’s work or risking a patient’s life.”</p><p>Ava felt something loosen in her chest at those words. Beth narrowed her eyes and looked at Emily, another scrub nurse, that jumped in.</p><p>“I’m very sorry Dr. Latham, but I don’t feel comfortable working with someone who isn’t treating me respectfully like a colleague and a part of the team.”</p><p>“Mrs. Trent, I truly wish for you to not be uncomfortable in your workplace,” he answered and raised a hand to stop Beth who was obviously ready to intercept. “However – these complaints are only coming from the four of you. Everyone else, who works with Dr. Bekker never had a problem with her. I assure you, I am not taking this lightly, but I will not make a decision before gathering more information. As you all can hopefully agree – gossip should not be a leading source of information.”</p><p>Everyone nodded, albeit the nurses quite hesitantly. Dr. Latham sighed before continuing.</p><p>“But it would be for the best if we could release some tension – so, the OR staff would be rotating between surgeries,” he raised both of his hands, as the nurses angrily voiced their disagreement. “It would be temporary. That is my last word. Please go back to work everyone. Dr. Bekker, a word, if you don’t mind.”</p><p>Beth glanced at her disdainfully before leaving. The other nurses, although before coming here were only wary about Ava, were now leaving with cold and angry stares thrown the surgeon’s way. They might have not agreed with everything that’s been said but being cut off from their routine obviously made them side with Beth.</p><p>Ava barely suppressed an angry sigh and instead waited, until the door closed behind the last person. Dr. Latham looked at her straight and haven’t said anything. After a few long seconds, Ava nervously wringed her hands which made her superior talk.</p><p>“Dr. Bekker, this is starting to get out of hand, don’t you think?”</p><p>He sounded equally tired and frustrated. Ava only nodded in response which elicited a sigh from him.</p><p>“Well, until I get to the bottom of things, you and Dr. Rhodes will have to take some of the surgeries that I have scheduled. Starting today,” he raised a hand as Ava went to protest. “No arguments – this situation is not up for the debate. You will assist Dr. Rhodes with his operation of Mr. Montero.”</p><p>“Yes, Dr. Latham,” Ava voiced monotonously. “Is that all?”</p><p>His eyes looked more tired than before and Ava felt immediately bad.</p><p>“I’m on your side, Dr. Bekker. I promise you I will try my best to solve this quickly.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>Ava knew this was not gonna end well for her. But she at least hoped, it wouldn’t start catastrophically. That hope went right out of the window the second she went to scrub in and saw Beth inside the OR. They both gave each other a cold stare before Ava lowered her eyes to focus on cleaning her hands more furiously than necessary.</p><p>The door behind her opened and she braced herself knowing what would come. Again.</p><p>“What are you doing in here?”</p><p>He already sounded angry, so Ava didn’t even try to look up while answering.</p><p>“I’m scrubbing in on your surgery.”</p><p>“No, Dr. Latham is assisting,” he argued.</p><p>“He reconsidered,” Ava said and her eyes flicked over to him before continuing. “We had a staff meeting while you were consulting and Dr. Latham decided it would be best, if our surgical teams rotated on surgeries. He has to… take care of some things.”</p><p>He huffed.</p><p>“So just like that, he pulled out. Do you seriously think I’d believe that? What did you say to him?”</p><p>Ava stopped the water and turned to him.</p><p>“Really Connor?”</p><p>He didn’t budge, even though she raised her voice a bit.</p><p>“Why wasn’t I consulted?”</p><p>Ava narrowed her eyes before turning back to the sink.</p><p>“I don’t know – you were consulting, as I said, and after the meeting I went on with my rounds. Why Dr. Latham hadn’t reached out to you in the meantime is beyond my knowledge but don’t worry, it’s been made very clear to me that Mr. Montero is your patient. I am only here as your humble assistant,” she explained and turned to him again. “By the way, had my last HIV test – I’m clear.”</p><p>His expression softened a fraction, but his words were still biting.</p><p>“Glad to hear it.”</p><p>Ava thought about making another remark but decided against it.</p><p>“Yeah, that makes two of us,” she said before turning around and walking inside the OR.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“Proximal anastomosis done. Working on the distal now.” Connor announced and the two residents moved a little bit closer to see better what the surgeon was doing.</p><p>“Temp’s climbing up. 33 degrees.” Marty informed everyone making Ava look up from the patient’s heart. She frowned and turned to Connor.</p><p>“We need to move faster.”</p><p>His eyes flashed to her and it was difficult to keep her ground when she saw the hateful glare from behind him on Beth’s face.</p><p>“Look, I realize that, but the graft is coming down unevenly. If I keep tugging, I can tear the aorta,” he informed, obviously annoyed with her.</p><p>“A suggestion?” Ava asked quietly and looked him in the eye.</p><p>Their eyes met. Connor was squinting at her a bit suspiciously but replied.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Try to pull on the non-coronary commissure,” Ava pointed out as she looked down before her eyes flickered to his once again. “I think that’ll move the graft into a proper position.”</p><p>“Okay.” Connor answered and carefully did as suggested. The graft moved slowly but eventually slid in place. He looked up. “That did it. Thank you.”</p><p>Ava nodded without a word and kept her head down. She suddenly wished that Dr. Latham would be here instead of her. Connor’s voice pulled her back to the present.</p><p>“Alright. Let’s finish the anastomosis.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>Ava couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was coming – not in the “apocalypse” kind of way, but in her honest opinion, she might take the apocalypse over this. The surgeon glanced over Connor’s shoulder at Beth, who had a suspiciously gleeful glint in her eyes.</p><p>“I may have distorted the graft with that last stitch. I’m doing this backhand. Do you have a better angle?” Connor asked her suddenly so she focused back on the patient in front of them.</p><p>Ava tilted the heart a bit before nodding.</p><p>“I think so.”</p><p>Connor nodded back and they silently exchanged surgical tools. Ava clipped the graft in place and lifted it so she could see better. It would be a tight fit, but it will work, she thought and absentmindedly looked up as she heard a phone ringing before looking back down as she noticed it was Connor’s.</p><p>“Dr. Rhodes’ phone.” Beth answered.</p><p>“Take a message.” Connor advised her while helping Ava move the graft and taking the suture kit in his hands. “Alright – last couple of stitches, then we’re coming off pump.”</p><p>“Do you have a better angle near the aorta? I’m not sure if the blood flow would be good if I stitched it on my side,” Ava frowned and lifted the graft again so Connor could see.</p><p>He moved in and nodded in agreement.</p><p>“Yep, you’re right. Can you put a clip in there?”</p><p>Ava wordlessly grabbed a clip and deftly placed it.</p><p>“Dr. Rhodes?” Beth interrupted them.</p><p>“I said take a message,” Connor said tightly while still focused on stitching on his side.</p><p>“Dr. Rhodes, he says it’s an emergency,” Beth insisted.</p><p>“Alright,” Connor sighed but motioned for her to come closer. Beth put the phone against his ear and the surgeon spoke with obvious displeasure in his voice. “Look. I’m in the middle of an operation.”</p><p>Ava moved the graft so her colleague could have more space for stitching, but Connor stilled his movements and laughed a bit confusedly.</p><p>“What? Is this some kind of joke?”</p><p>She looked up at the change of his tone and looked at him imploringly as his eyes widened a bit in panic. “How do I know that? …. Alright. Alright! Alright! What do you want me to do?”</p><p>“What is it?” Ava voiced out her worries and his eyes locked onto hers while he backed away from the table. “Connor?”</p><p>“Okay. Yeah. Okay.” Connor answered into the phone and she was getting more worried as the panic she saw in his eyes increased. He swiftly discarded his gloves and the mask with Beth’s help. Everyone was staring at him, not really knowing what to make of the situation and hoping for an explanation.</p><p>“Look. I won’t hang up, I promise.” Connor raised his voice and finally spoke to Ava. “I have to leave.”</p><p>“What?” her voice was upped an octave in disbelief. “What’s-“</p><p>“Finish the anastomosis,” Connor interrupted her urgently. “Check the capacity of the valve.”</p><p>“Connor, no!”</p><p>“You’ve done this before, you’ll be fine.”</p><p>“That’s not-“</p><p>“No. I’m not hanging up!” Connor turned back to his phone and practically sprinted out of the room. After the door closed again, everyone turned to Ava. She straightened up automatically and with as much authority as she could have mustered while being so confused addressed them.</p><p>“Alright we have a patient on the table. Let’s go back to work.”</p><p>She was confident in her abilities and therefore instinctively finished the surgery, but her mind was somewhere else. Something bad must have happened – there was no other explanation for Connor’s sudden departure. He would have never leaved an OR in the middle of an operation. Especially, as Ava bitterly thought, since he did not trust her.</p><p>These thoughts occupied her mind even as the patient’s chest was closed and he was wheeled off back to the ICU in the VIP wing. Ava washed herself up before determinedly walking to Dr. Latham’s office. She pulled her phone out on the way and hesitated a bit when she clicked on Connor’s contact but took a deep breath and called him. After few rings it went to voicemail.</p><p>“Hey Connor – is everything… okay? I know it’s probably not my business but… I’m worried. Call me back please. The surgery went alright, by the way… I– just call me. Please.”</p><p>Ava bit her lip and considered calling Jay, even though it was probably a shot in the dark, when she was stopped by the familiar voice of Mrs. Goodwin.</p><p>“Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>The surgeon turned around and felt her throat constrict at the displeased grimace on the older woman’s face. Nonetheless, she moved to her superior.</p><p>“You’ve finished the surgery, yes? Would you mind coming to my office for a second? Mrs. Garrett would like a word.”</p><p>“Of course,” Ava said but didn’t have the energy to even attempt a smile.</p><p>Mrs. Goodwin seemed to be on the same boat as she just wordlessly beckoned her to her office where Gwen was already pacing the floor. Ava bit her lip to avoid advising her that it may be better if she sat down considering her condition.</p><p>“Dr. Bekker, where the hell did Dr. Rhodes go?!” Gwen charged at her the second the surgeon walked through the door.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Ava answered truthfully. “But I’m sure it was an emergency-“</p><p>“Emergency?!” Gwen hissed. “What is an emergency is the state of our VIP wing. Mr. Montero is our first exclusive patient in months and Dr. Rhodes decides to leave him with his chest opened in the OR?”</p><p>“I was in there, Mrs. Garret – nothing would have happened to Mr. Montero,” Ava defended herself at the implications of her skills not being as good as Connor’s before continuing. “And while I have no idea what happened, that Connor had to leave, I don’t think that he would have left, if it wasn’t something serious.”</p><p>“I agree with Dr. Bekker,” Sharon spoke for the first time. “Dr. Rhodes is a professional-“</p><p>“That run out of a surgery?” Gwen interrupted her harshly before turning to Ava. “We are lucky that nothing that could compromise Mr. Montero’s health happened.”</p><p>Ava wisely decided not to speak and nodded which seemed to calm Gwen a bit as she walked to the door. She stopped though and turned to Sharon.</p><p>“You should be very thankful that Dr. Bekker stepped up, otherwise I would have not hesitated to persuade the Board to suspend Dr. Rhodes. Cornelius be damned.”</p><p>Just the mention of that name made Ava cringe a bit, but Sharon was too preoccupied to notice with watching Gwen as she forcefully slammed the door behind her. Ava cleared her throat.</p><p>“Mrs. Goodwin, I truly don’t think that Connor would just flee the operating room, if it wasn’t some sort of emergency. I tried calling him, but I couldn’t reach him-“</p><p>“I know, Dr. Bekker,” her superior interrupted her kinder than Gwen and offered her a small smile. “I spoke with Dr. Charles – apparently, Dr. Rhodes ran out of the elevator, marched to him while aggressively talking on a phone and wrote down that Robin was kidnapped and to call police.”</p><p>“What?!” Ava blurted out fearfully. “I thought she was swimming, like every week! Did they took her on her way there? Is she okay?!”</p><p>Sharon moved to Ava and placed her hands on Ava’s shoulders reassuringly.</p><p>“Robin’s just fine.”</p><p>Ava breathed out in relief and Mrs. Goodwin smiled at her bitterly.</p><p>“She was never in fact kidnapped. As you said, Robin was swimming and had her phone turned off in a locker room,” Sharon explained.</p><p>The younger woman frowned.</p><p>“So… it was a fraud…?”</p><p>“Unfortunately,” Sharon nodded with a sigh. “Dr. Charles got a hold of her and contacted PD – they are on their way back to the hospital with Dr. Rhodes. The person who called Dr. Rhodes to blackmail him lured him to the bank on the other side of Chicago.”</p><p>That was more than suspicious, Ava thought, but didn’t voice it.</p><p>“Do they know, who was the perpetrator?” she asked instead.</p><p>“No,” Sharon admitted. “But they’ll be looking into that. If you… believe you have any valuable information, you could tell them.”</p><p>Ava felt herself tense and crossed her arms a bit self-consciously.</p><p>“I don’t think I have,” she answered slowly with a neutral voice. “And I also don’t think they would appreciate any speculations I may have.”</p><p>With that, Sharon looked like she wanted to either apologize for what she was insinuating or explain further but Ava had enough of that.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Mrs. Goodwin, but I have to go back and check on Mr. Montero and brief Connor about the operation when he gets here,” Ava said. “May I be excused?”</p><p>For a second, Sharon observed the young woman, which made her nervous, but she stood her ground.</p><p>“Of course, Dr. Bekker. I’ll see you around.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>The hallways were busy as always. It never mattered what time it was, there was always some sort of emergency and routines that had to be done every day. But Ava quite mastered navigating herself through the chaos of the hospital.</p><p>Which is why she always appreciated the quiet and less crowded VIP floor she sometimes got to walk through. Right now, she would rather be anywhere else but here. Considering she wasn’t able to catch up with Connor, as he was immediately swept up by Gwen Garrett.</p><p>She steeled herself as she rounded the corner to Mr. Montero’s room and breathed out a sigh of relief as she realized that there were only the nurses tending to VIP patients. She smiled their way as they greeted her and knocked on the open door of her patient’s room.</p><p>Mr. Montero looked up and weakly motioned for her to come inside.</p><p>“Everything looks stable, Dr. Bekker – vitals are holding,” informed her the nurse with a quick check of the monitor next to the hospital bed.</p><p>“Thank you… Rosie,” Ava answered with another small smile as she read the woman’s name tag.</p><p>“Of course,” the young nurse beamed at her and left the room.</p><p>Ava took the few stops to the bed and opened up her tablet before turning to her patient who was sleepily watching her, half sitting and with a little grimace on his face.</p><p>“Hello, Mr. Montero – I am Dr. Ava Bekker, I assisted on your surgery. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to check in with you before the surgery,” she introduced herself. “Are you in pain? I can kick up the morphine for you a bit if you’d like.”</p><p>He nodded heavily and gave her a grateful look as she amped the morphine drip. Before he could answer her, someone knocked on the door again and as Ava looked over her shoulder, she saw Gwen coming inside. Behind her, Connor and Mrs. Goodwin were standing outside the room which didn’t really make sense to Ava, but she decided not to ask Gwen about it in front of the patient.</p><p>“Good to see you awake, Mr. Montero. I am very sorry for the inconvenience that happened in our OR during your surgery – I know you asked for Dr. Rhodes to perform your surgery, but due to a… another medical emergency we had to change the plans a bit. Fortunately, Dr. Bekker was able to take over for Dr. Rhodes when he became incapacitated,” Gwen lied without even a slight falter to her voice and casted a dark glare, unseen by Mr. Montero, towards Connor before turning to Ava. “She is a brilliant surgeon and she’s proven herself a worthy successor to Dr. Downey.”</p><p>Mr. Montero turned his head fully towards Ava and the surgeon could see that the painful grimace vanished as the morphine clearly worked its way through the patient’s body. His hand slowly rose, and Ava took it, so he didn’t have to strain himself so much.</p><p>“Thank you.” Mr. Montero said sincerely with a warm smile to her that Ava mirrored.</p><p>“You’re most welcome,” she answered and squeezed his hand carefully before bringing it back down on the quilt covering him.</p><p>She saw in the corner of her eye that Gwen left the room and made a move to follow her, but Mr. Montero squeezed her hand once again, so she turned back to him.</p><p>“Everything okay?” she asked a bit worried and glanced at the monitors.</p><p>The patient nodded still smiling.</p><p>“Absolutely. I only wish to apologize for not asking you to perform the surgery in the first place,” he said and squeezed her hand as she opened her mouth to reassure him. “And I am not saying only because you took over the surgery and got me through it. I’ve read both of your resumés… Unfortunately, I’ve been advised against choosing…”</p><p>He hesitated, clearly mulling over how to say what he meant without insulting her, but Ava only smiled.</p><p>“A female doctor?” she filled in and chuckled at his apologetic grimace. “I understand. Hopefully, we can overcome this stigma in the future.”</p><p>“Oh, you can count me in on that,” Mr. Montero laughed warmly before letting her hand go.</p><p>“I will check up on you tomorrow, is that okay?”</p><p>“I’ll be very happily waiting for you, Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>“I’m glad to hear it,” she answered with another laugh before turning of her tablet. “Get some rest, Mr. Montero. I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Thank you. Have a nice evening, Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>She smiled in response and walked out of the room. Obviously, she missed the departure of everyone else, as the hallway was vacated once again besides the nurses there. She made her way to their little station.</p><p>“Evening. Would you mind paging me if anything changes with Mr. Montero? I’ll come back tomorrow to check on him, but just to be sure,” she asked them.</p><p>“Of course, Dr. Bekker.”</p><p>“Thank you,” she said with a smile. “Goodnight.”</p><p>“Goodnight.”</p><p>With that she walked to the elevator and pushed the number to CT floor before grabbing her phone again. There were a few messages, but nothing from Connor. She didn’t really know what to think of it, as she made her way through the familiar CT floor and headed to the locker rooms.</p><p>Her musing had been answered the second she walked inside, and Connor turned to her from his locker. Ava closed the door behind her and clutched her phone a little tighter as she stepped closer.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>She had so many things she wanted to say and ask him, but it was like something held her back and squeezed her throat so no words could come out.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>The fact that she wasn’t able to discern whether or not he was mad was daunting. So, she opened her locker and put her stethoscope on the peg there.</p><p>“Thank you for stepping in,” Connor said quietly, and Ava turned back to him, still clutching her clothes.</p><p>“Of course,” she answered with equally quiet voice. “I heard what happened. I’d probably run out of the OR as well.”</p><p>The corners of his mouth lifted up a bit and Ava felt like she could breathe a little. That didn’t mean she let her guard down, even though he sat down and wearily run his palm over his face.</p><p>“Yeah. But Robin’s alright, that’s all that matters.”</p><p>Ava nodded and surprisingly didn’t feel the pang in her heart she got so familiar with when it came to Connor.</p><p>“I agree. She was swimming, right?” she spoke with a bit more confidence as she walked to the closet in the room to get changed.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>She heard his response through the wall and swiftly changed out of her scrubs and into the less comfy jeans and top before leaving. Ava averted her eyes as Connor put on his own shirt and pulled out a bag out of her locker to deposit her clothes.</p><p>It was definitely time to wash them again – from the sweat, a bit of blood and occasional vomit or other bodily fluid that got onto her during the shift. She dropped the bag on the floor and pulled her sweatshirt over her head before grabbing the coat and slipping into her heeled winter boots.</p><p>“Listen, Ava…”</p><p>She froze for a second before turning around to him. Her eyes softened a bit as she took in his unbelievably tired expression. Before she could stop herself, she took a step closer to him and hesitated again, which apparently prompted him to keep talking.</p><p>“I’m really thankful you took over. I… also realized how unfair I was in the scrub room,” he said and ran a hand through his beard.</p><p>Ava nodded and averted her eyes as she leaned down to grab her bag as an excuse to not having to look at him.</p><p>“You spoke with Dr. Latham,” she concluded from the apologetic tone of his voice.</p><p>If she wasn’t as exhausted from the hospital gossip, she would be bitter, but it seemed absolutely useless – it never helped in the past, anyway.</p><p>“Yeah,” he admitted quietly, and Ava looked him in the eye again. “I didn’t know the nurses took things so… seriously.”</p><p>Ava couldn’t help herself and scoffed before turning around to grab her keys from the locker.</p><p>“I know, I should’ve paid more attention-“</p><p>She slammed the locker door, cutting him off mid-sentence and turned to him.</p><p>“Connor, please,” she sighed before continuing more evenly. “I’m glad you’ve caught up. But let’s not do this today, okay?”</p><p>He looked like he might argue before nodding.</p><p>“Thank you,” Ava managed to whisper before turning around. “Goodnight, Connor.”</p><p>“Night, Ava.”</p><p>As she closed the door behind herself, she felt lighter. Walking through the CT floor didn’t seem like a purgatory for that night.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>From Matt: I’m so disappointed in myself. Couldn’t even bring myself to cook anything.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ava smiled at her phone before answering.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>To Matt: I’m just walking inside my apartment block and the only thing I wanna do is take a long shower, so – no judgment here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From Matt: Long shift?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To Matt: That and I got puked on in the morning. Oh, the joys of being a doctor.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From Matt: Sorry to hear that. I only had to wash out the smoke.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She put her phone down as she got to the door and quietly unlocked it. The door unfortunately creaked loudly, and Ava cursed under her breath as she closed it. The hall surprisingly stayed quiet as she made her way to the second floor and her apartment.</p><p>Taking the last step on the stairs she automatically reached to the switch on her left and blinked twice as the light harshly came on. Suppressing a yawn with her hand, she crossed the hall to the end and pulled out the key to her apartment when she suddenly froze.</p><p>Right in front of her door was a bottle of and obviously expensive wine and a fancy little gift bag. Ava gripped her keys firmer before taking a slow step forward and bending down to grab the piece of paper that was laid on the gift bag.</p><p>Her hand was shaking as she stood up and opened the note.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Congratulations on your success. Love to see the fiery spirit shine.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It took a lot not to crumble the piece of paper, but she managed and tossed it into the gift bag where she could see was the lilac perfume case. On autopilot she opened the door, dopped her bag in the hallway and quickly went to a little storage room there.</p><p>There she grabbed a bag and went back outside where she took the bottle and the giftbag and placed it inside the bag. She hesitated for a second, looking back inside her apartment, before making up her mind, slamming the door and marching back outside.</p><p>She wasn’t paying much attention to anything as she walked to the station, caught a train and then walked a few blocks to the police station. Her steps faltered a bit, but she still walked up the stairs and stepped inside.</p><p>Even though it was late, the department was still full of people, just like it was in the hospital. This time though, that kind of thought didn’t make Ava feel better or calmer. She must have looked lost as someone addresses her after a few minutes.</p><p>“How can I help you?”</p><p>Ava flinched imperceptibly and took a wavering step towards the main desk. The officer behind it looked at her with increasing worry. He must’ve been watching her for a while. Ava felt her heart wildly beating in her chest but couldn’t form the words.</p><p>“I’ll take over, officer Reyes. Dr. Bekker, would you mind following me?” interjected firmly sergeant Platt, who seemed to materialize from thin air.</p><p>The officer nodded and looked away from Ava to the man that was apparently standing behind her and waiting for his turn and who impatiently walked over to the main desk and threw an annoyed glance at Ava’s direction as he passed her. The doctor didn’t care, and a bit numbly followed Platt into one of the backrooms, where she was directed into one of the chairs.</p><p>“What can I do for you, Dr. Bekker?” Even though the sergeant’s face looked impassive, her voice was softer as well as her eyes.</p><p>“I…,” Ava breathed out quietly before taking a deep breath and looking up determinately. “I want to file a report for an attempted sexual assault.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading, it means the world to me. Leave a comment if you'd like. See you soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Safety net</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A bit of a filler chapter – set betweeen episodes 18 and 19 of Season 4.</p><p>Ava reveals what happened the night she went to Cornelius Rhodes asking for a donation. Ava and Matt grow even closer together.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so sorry for the delay!<br/>Hope everyone is safe!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The room was still as cozy as it was the first time she was in it – when she stormed inside the department desperately searching for Will and Jay rushed to her from upstairs when he heard her loudly demanding to find her colleague. Confidently grabbing her arm and leading her to the rooms in the back where they were taking statements, as soon as he got to her.</p><p>These rooms were designed to look friendlier than the cells upstairs that Jay showed her once when she visited him again for updates on his brother. And even though she knew she didn’t do anything wrong and wasn’t a convict, her hands were shaking as she balled them into fists and brought them close to her chest.</p><p>The tea that Sergeant Platt brought in for her was getting cold while sitting untouched on the white table. Ava moved her leg anxiously and flinched almost imperceptibly as it bumped the bag with the evidence she brought from her home.</p><p>Her head snap upright at the sudden but light knock at the door, that disrupted her hazy thoughts, and she held her breath as her eyes locked onto Jay’s. He smiled a bit tightly at her which made her lower her eyes.</p><p>“Hey, Ava,” his voice was quiet as he addressed her.</p><p>She heard the door closing but no movement.</p><p>“Hey,” she whispered back and glanced at him again.</p><p>Only then the detective moved towards her with slow steps and I her line of sight. Ava understood his cautiousness, but she was not afraid of him. Only nervous, embarrassed and ashamed. As he neared, she visibly made room for him right next to her on the bench and leaned back to rest her back against the wall.</p><p>When he sat down and placed a small folder on the desk, she quickly looked him over and noticed that his gun wasn’t in the holster on his hip. Meaning, he probably came down unarmed to make her feel safer. She swallowed against the lump in her throat but when she wanted to speak, the words caught inside and the only thing that came out was a shaky breath.</p><p>“Trudy told me you came here for a report,” he took over for her with sure but still soft voice.</p><p>Ava managed to nod at that. Unable to look straight at him she watched his hands that were placed unthreateningly on the table.</p><p>“Okay,” Jay continued and opened the folder he brought in.</p><p>The papers were plain black and white. Ava blinked at the words “Confidential sexual assault report” written at the top.</p><p>“You with me, Ava?”</p><p>She nodded again eyes still locked on the paper. It was the right thing to do, obviously. But she felt like she was standing at a gunpoint. Her eyes felt watery and she knew it was not from the staring contest with the paper.</p><p>Drawing another shaky breath and sniffing a bit, she cleared her throat.</p><p>“I don’t even know where to start,” the surgeon admitted shakily and closed her eyes involuntarily from the sudden dawning realization of what she was about to do.</p><p>“That’s okay,” Jay told her immediately in the same soft voice. “How about I ask you a few questions if you’re comfortable with that?”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s fine,” she nodded slowly and looked towards the door.</p><p>She heard rustling as he pulled out a pen from one of his pockets, clicked the pen on and moved the form closer to him so he could write.</p><p>“When did the… incident happen?”</p><p>Ava gratefully noticed that he tried to soften the blow of this but determinately shook her head.</p><p>“Assault,” she said and even though her voice wavered a bit, she knew she needed to finally admit it out loud – not only to him but mostly to herself.</p><p>“When were you assaulted?” Jay rephrased the question and Ava wringed her hands.</p><p>“I… it’s been six months,” she spoke slowly and turned her head a bit towards him. “I’m way too late to report anything by now, aren’t I?”</p><p>She saw him hesitate out of the corner of her eye and felt her heart drop to her stomach at this. The surgeon bit her lip before glancing down at the bag beside her feet.</p><p>“You can report up to a year from the incident, but the prosecutor might not press a charge against the perpetrator. The longer you wait the more the evidence loses its credibility in the court,” Jay explained while tapping the pen on the file.</p><p>Ava grabbed the bag and put it on the table in lieu of an answer. Jay stopped the tapping and looked at her with a questioning curiosity.</p><p>“I found this at the door of my apartment when I got home tonight. I put everything in the bag and brought it here. I–,” her breath hitched as she rushed all of the words out. “I probably wouldn’t have come here but I’m terrified that he’ll do… something.”</p><p>She blinked away the tears but to no avail. Jay wordlessly pushed a box of tissues that was on the table her way. Ava pulled one out and dried her eyes. The detective meanwhile putted on gloves and opened the bag.</p><p>“I assume you didn’t grab any gloves, so your fingerprints would be on it, right?” he asked as he set the items on the table.</p><p>“Yeah, that didn’t cross my mind,” she admitted sheepishly with furrowed brows.</p><p>“That’s expected, Ava, don’t worry,” Jay reassured her as he read the card. “Well, no threats – those would actually help. But still if we link it to the offender it will be considered as a part of the evidence.”</p><p>Ava nodded with relief as Jay put everything in an evidence bag, he grabbed from the cabinet on the other side of the room before turning to her.</p><p>“OK, so six months ago,” he turned the conversation back and took the pen in his hand again. “Would it be better for you to name the person now while describing what happened or not?”</p><p>Ava swallowed.</p><p>“Cornelius Rhodes,” she whispered without looking at Jay who wrote it down. “It was the night that Connor was having his farewell party – he was supposed to take the job at the Mayo clinic later in the month. We talked on our shift the day of the party about his Hybrid OR plans he came up with for Med. The board wasn’t happy when they saw it, as no one wanted to pay for it. I went to Mrs. Goodwin to see if she could do anything about it or change their mind and she mentioned Connor’s father offhandedly – he donated to the hospital many times before. I thought it was worth the shot.”</p><p>She closed her eyes for a second and sniffed before continuing.</p><p>“I went to their shop that night when I was walking to Connor’s party – I saw that the lights were on so I went in. Didn’t expect to find his father there, really. I thought that, maybe, they’ll give me his number or schedule an appointment or something if I was lucky, but he was there. I approached him and asked if he could spare a minute so we could talk about some business regarding the hospital’s funding. He agreed and told me that we can talk at his office,” she shook her head at that. “I followed him inside, he poured himself a drink. I refused when he offered me one too. I had Connor’s files about the OR with me, so I pulled them out and placed them on the table. I… I went to explain what exactly I wanted to talk about, but he stopped me almost immediately and asked if I’m doing this to keep his son here in Chicago”</p><p>Ava licked her lips and looked at Jay who was watching her with concerned eyes as he listened.</p><p>“I did want that. At the time, at least,” she admitted quietly and looked away again. “But I told Cornelius that I believed in the Hybrid OR, that it could save so many lives. I cared about it too, it wasn’t just about Connor for me. But before I could explain further, he said he would donate money for it and that kind of shocked me, but I was happy, so I thanked him profusely while I was getting all the papers back in the folder. I wasn’t really paying attention or-or looking at him, so I… I mean, when he-he–“</p><p>Her breath hitched again, and she felt the cold terror crawling up her back as she remembered all of it even after such a long time of trying to keep it bottled inside and hoping to forget about it. Jay slowly put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed comfortingly which grounded her a bit, so she was able to continue.</p><p>“He… put his hand on my lower back and told me I have a lovely perfume, that he adores lilacs,” she recalled and closed her eyes, not being able to face him while retelling this part. “I couldn’t step back so I moved forward. I asked him what he was doing but he moved with me and I had nowhere to go, I was already… I guess I pinned myself to the table. So, I turned around to keep him in front of me and push him off but he grabbed my wrists… He said that I should… give him something in return for all the money he’ll “generously” donate to the hospital. I tried to get away from him, told him that I wasn’t there to exchange sexual favors for money. He let go of me suddenly, so I wanted to grab the papers and make a run for it, but he forced himself in my space again and pushed me on the table. Grabbed my thigh un-under my dress, put another hand on my breast and- I guess he went to kiss my neck, but I pushed against his chest. Then he… then he grabbed my hair tightly and I tried to relieve the pressure with both my hands, and he took advantage of that to push me on my back.”</p><p>Ava’s hands were shaking as if she was there again. Jay’s hand was the only thing keeping her from spiraling just from the awful memory. She knew she had to finish it.</p><p>“I was terrified,” she admitted brokenly. “I lost it. Started screaming and kicking. He tried to keep me pinned with his body but when he tried to put my hands above my head, I turned my head and bit his wrist. He moved away, so I kicked him in the stomach with my heel and when he backed away, I just grabbed everything and went for the door. He didn’t try to stop me. There was no one else when I ran through the hall and I was out of my mind with panic that every single one of the doors were locked. But I got lucky – the emergency exit was halfway open, so I ran through there out of the building.”</p><p>With the worst of the story behind her, Ava opened her eyes that were steadily flowing with tears, but her voice was strong even though it was quiet and hitching.</p><p>“I don’t remember how I got home, or which routes I took. I must have been so lucky – I think I passed more than dozens of questionable alleys. When I got to my apartment, I ripped everything of off my body and went straight to the shower. In the morning, I… I saw the bruises and I thought about reporting everything but when I got to work, I ran straight into Connor and Mrs. Goodwin saying that someone donated in the middle of the night for the Hybrid OR. The amount of money covered about 90 % of all the expenses. That was way more than I asked from Cornelius. I still thought about going to the police,” she snorted wetly and shook her head. “But then Mrs. Goodwin showed me the note, that was under the anonymous cheque – “No reason to dwell on the past if we want a clear future.”. I knew he would destroy me, that he would somehow make it like I initiated all of it in exchange for the money. I’ve hoped that would be the end of it. But all these months… I might be absolutely paranoid, but I feel like he sabotages me in everything.”</p><p>She sighed, absolutely tired, and looked at Jay who was trying really hard not to look at her with pity.</p><p>“Don’t write down the last part, that really might be just my imagination,” Ava frowned and dried her tears.</p><p>He nodded and as he wrote the last sentence, he put the pen down.</p><p>“Is that note with the cheque traceable?”</p><p>“Yeah. It should be somewhere with the documents in the accounting of the hospital.”</p><p>“OK, that’s good,” Jay assured her and stroked her arm with his thumb. “Thank you, Ava, for telling me everything, I know it wasn’t easy, but I’m glad you did.”</p><p>Ava nodded and hesitated before whispering.</p><p>“Do you really believe me?”</p><p>His eyes softened as he reached for her hands and squeezed them.</p><p>“Absolutely.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>There were many more documents, follow up questions and formalities Ava had to endure. Jay assured her that he would take her home once the items were accounted for, but Ava felt like she took enough of his time already and declined the offer.</p><p>While the detective took the evidence to the storage, she pulled out her phone, hesitated on the uber website before going to Matt’s contact. He messaged her throughout the time she went to the station and his texts were increasingly more worried when she hadn’t responded.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>To Matt: I’m sorry, I wasn’t able to get back to you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She hesitated again but eventually typed again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>To Matt: I am at the police station.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The response was immediate.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>From Matt: Are you okay?!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To Matt: I am now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From Matt: How much longer will you be there?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To Matt: I guess at least another twenty minutes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From Matt: Alright. I’ll be there in 15.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To Matt: What? No. I really don’t wanna bother you this late. I already must have woken you up, you did just have a 24 hour shift…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From Matt: I’ll wait outside. Text me when they let you leave.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She sighed at his stubbornness but ultimately felt relieved that he offered her a ride. With a quick “Okay” sent to him, she put her phone away and took another tissue to dry her eyes and blow her nose. She felt absolutely exhausted but also like a huge weight was just lifted off of her.</p><p>Ava didn’t need Cornelius arrested. Not really. She mainly wanted him to leave her alone – the justice for what he did to her would be a pleasant bonus for the surgeon. She sat there contemplating everything for a few minutes before she was interrupted.</p><p>“Ava?”</p><p>She looked up to Jay who leaned against the doorframe and grabbed her things while she made her way to him.</p><p>“Am I free to go?” she quipped tiredly with a hint of a smile.</p><p>“Yeah,” he agreed as they walked through the mostly quiet hallway. “We’ve processed everything we could, and the rest will have to wait until tomorrow so we can get started.”</p><p>“What… what’s gonna happen now?” she hesitated but knew that she needed an answer.</p><p>Jay opened the door for her and let her walk through the department. Ava glanced at the desk, but sergeant Platt wasn’t there anymore, so she kept walking till they both reached outside. On the top of the steps, Jay looked around before addressing her.</p><p>“We’ll look into everything – mainly cameras in the Rhodes’ shop, possible witnesses. It would be a lot of lurking outside of things, so he won’t get suspicious and try to erase any evidence,” Jay explained before looking into her eyes with a serious expression. “And that means you really need to be careful and alert – he already tried to contact you and things could escalate. I want you to try not to be just by yourself if you can. When you get home, check every room, close the windows, lock the doors – and always have me or 911 on speed dial, while you do this, alright?”</p><p>He waited for her nod before continuing.</p><p>“I know it seems like a lot, but we can’t have an officer watching over you before pressing charges.”</p><p>“Jesus – an officer?!” Ava breathed out anxiously.</p><p>“We’re not there yet,” Jay reassured her. “But – answer me this: do you feel safe when you’re alone?”</p><p>She hesitated and he looked at her imploringly.</p><p>“OK, I see your point,” she acquiesced reluctantly.</p><p>A car door slamming shut across the street made them both look up and Ava felt already better just by looking at Matt who walked around the car and leaned against the hood as he saw her and Jay. Ava turned to Jay who smiled at her.</p><p>“At least I know you’ll be alright tonight,” he said before turning serious again. “I’m really glad you came to us, Ava.”</p><p>“Me too,” she answered truthfully and seeing his hesitance she stepped in for a hug, which he reciprocated softly. “Thank you, Jay.”</p><p>“Of course. Night Ava.”</p><p>“Night.”</p><p>They both stepped away and Ava walked down the stairs, looked around before crossing the street to Matt who moved towards her. His gaze swept her up and down and dimmed the concern in his eyes a bit at the fact that she didn’t seem to be hurt.</p><p>Ava knew that she would have to tell him everything eventually if she wanted him to be in her life but for now, she closed the space between them with a few assured steps. She got on her tiptoes and winded her hands around his neck. Without a question his hands wrapped themselves securely around her waist as he held her close.</p><p>“Thank you for coming to get me,” she whispered into his neck.</p><p>“I’m glad you reached out,” he answered quietly into her hair.</p><p>Even though she wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms all night, she knew they had to get going so she pulled back after a while. He smiled at her warmly when their eyes met.</p><p>“Ready to go?” Matt asked.</p><p>Ava nodded and let herself be guided with his palm on her back to the passenger seat. The captain patiently waited till she got situated before closing the door behind her and rounding the car to get behind the wheel.</p><p>Matt started the car and backed away on the road. The whole ride to her apartment was spent in a friendly silence. Ava didn’t even question when he followed her through the building to the door. She hesitated briefly as she unlocked the door and turned the lights on in the hall.</p><p>“I don’t want to assume anything but – do you want me to check everything before you go in?” he asked in a soft voice and she turned to him gratefully.</p><p>“I know it’s weird, I just-“</p><p>“I don’t think that,” he interrupted her firmly. “Especially since coming to get you from police station. I don’t mind doing this for you, Ava, OK?”</p><p>She nodded and let him come through. While he was looking in every room, she kept clutching her phone and keys. Ava breathed out in relief when he came back.</p><p>“Everything’s fine, but you should check yourself, so you know nothing’s amiss,” he said as she walked in and took her shoes off.</p><p>“Thank you,” she told him sincerely before leading him to the kitchen. “I don’t think coffee is a good idea for me – but do you want some?”</p><p>“No thank you. Water will do for me,” he smiled at her.</p><p>“Sit down,” she motioned to the couch in her tiny living room before going to the cabinet and reaching for a glass that she filled in with water and brought it to him to the couch. “Here you go. Would you mind waiting a bit? I’ll… I’d rather check on everything right now.”</p><p>He took the glass as she spoke and nodded.</p><p>“Go ahead.”</p><p>Ava moved through the apartment as quickly as she could while thoroughly looking everywhere. She didn’t think that Cornelius would really go as far as go through her things but a tiny part of her believed it.</p><p>As she got to her bedroom she changed into more comfortable clothes and loaded her washing machine with the scrubs she brought in from the hospital. She hesitated again as she opened her closet but ultimately, she grabbed the comforter and a few pillows before making her way to the living area.</p><p>To her surprise, Matt was already rearranging the cushions on the sofa and from what she could tell, he was making a makeshift bed from it. She blinked and cleared her throat which made him straighten up and turn around with an apology on his lips before he took in the items in her hands.</p><p>“Looks like I’m not gonna have to convince you to stay on guard on your sofa,” he chuckled but scratched his neck sheepishly.</p><p>“Yeah, we seem to come to the same conclusion,” Ava smiled a bit and walked up to him.</p><p>She put the comforter on the couch and handed Matt the pillows. They both made the couch seem a bit more like a bed together. Ava turned to him in alarm suddenly.</p><p>“You do have a day off, tomorrow right?” she asked a bit panicky.</p><p>“Technically, today,” he said as he glanced at his watches before smiling at her.</p><p>She sighed and closed her eyes for a bit.</p><p>“Well, I don’t. And I just realized I’ll probably wake you up and you won’t catch up on any sleep you missed-“</p><p>“Ava,” he stopped her amused. “It’s fine. I’ll get more rest when I get to my apartment. But – you can set your alarm later about a half an hour and I’ll give you a ride to Med.”</p><p>“Matt, you don’t have to. You already went out of your way for me today,” she tried to argue but he stubbornly shook his head, so she sighed defeatedly. “Fine. But at least let me make you a breakfast.”</p><p>“That I can live with,” he smiled.</p><p>“OK,” she returned a small smile before pointing out directions. “Bathroom’s the first door on the left – you’ve been there. You’re welcome to grab anything from the kitchen.”</p><p>She turned around and waved her hand in the direction of the TV, stereo and bookshelves.</p><p>“If you wake up or can’t sleep – choose your pick. You won’t wake me,” she assured him as he looked concernedly at her. “I’m used to the traffic and getting every bit of sleep in a hospital with alarms blaring left and right.”</p><p>They both smiled before Ava a bit awkwardly stepped back towards the bathroom. But before disappearing in she turned to Matt again.</p><p>“I’ll just grab a quick shower and brush my teeth and it’s all yours,” she promised him.</p><p>“Take your time.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>She shifted around her bed for at least the hundredth time and sighed. Instinctively she glanced at the balcony and huffed out a breath annoyingly. Usually, she loved the fact that her bedroom had a balcony. Right now, though? She saw all the possibilities that someone might explore to get inside her apartment.</p><p>It was irrational but she couldn’t help herself. Every time she closed her eyes and felt that the sleep would take her under, she jerked awake with fear of someone watching her. Obviously, she knew that she was so tired that sleep would have to come eventually. And that she was safe.</p><p>Her head turned towards the half-opened door. Matt was just a few feet away. She was okay.</p><p>Ava bit back another sigh and sat up. She gripped the blanket and looked at the door again. It was barely half an hour when they bid each other good night. He probably wasn’t asleep yet. And if he was, she worried her lip with her teeth, he probably wouldn’t be mad if she woke him up.</p><p>Before she could talk herself out of it, she slipped out of the bed, tip toed to the door and slowly opened them. She was halfway to the couch before hesitating. Matt was lying on his side with one hand under the pillow and the other thrown across the couch so that his fingers brushed the carpet. It was dark enough that she didn’t see if his eyes were closed or not.</p><p>She contemplated turning back around but before she could, Matt shifted on the couch and his head turned to her, so she took another step towards him.</p><p>“Ava?” he rasped out quietly and she immediately felt guilty. So he was asleep.</p><p>“Sorry I woke you,” she whispered as he sat up.</p><p>“Don’t be. Everything okay?” he asked, already sounding more alert as he looked around searching for something that might’ve scared her.</p><p>She felt like an idiot. But the damage was already done – she might as well go through with it.</p><p>“Yeah. I just can’t sleep,” she admitted and looked toward her bedroom. “Never really thought about my balcony like it’s a dangerous place.”</p><p>“Too much open space?” he guessed, and she nodded and bit her lip.</p><p>“I know this would sound absolutely crazy but can you… maybe go back in with me?” she blurted out and managed not to cringe at herself. She did wrap her arms around herself self-consciously.</p><p>“Will you be able to fall asleep if you’re not alone in there?”</p><p>“I think so,” she whispered. “I know it’s stupid-“</p><p>“It’s not stupid if it makes you feel better,” he said and stood up with the comforter in his hands. “Mind if I take this with me? It’s kind of chilly.”</p><p>She shook her head wordlessly and turned around. He followed her in the room and somehow made it not awkward as she got in the bed. Although Ava was already feeling less anxious knowing he was in the same room as her.</p><p>Matt pushed her blanket from the side of the bed he got in and situated himself in with the borrowed comforter. It was nice of him to make sure that he won’t fall asleep on her blanket and she would be able to move it.</p><p>The lights from the outside gently illuminated his face and Ava couldn’t help herself but smile as he let out a yawn that scrunched his whole face. As if he sensed it, he turned towards her and their eyes locked in the shadows.</p><p>“Go to sleep,” he whispered gently with a hint of a smile. “I’ll be right here, okay?”</p><p>“Thank you,” she answered quietly. “Goodnight.”</p><p>“Night.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>The sound of her alarm woke her up. Ava scrunched her eyes defeatedly but accepted the reality of having to get up to go to work. With more insistence than she believed was necessary, the alarm continued with the annoying ringtone and picked up a notch on the volume.</p><p>With a groan Ava pulled herself up and moved across the bed to get to the phone. She blearily blinked at the phone as she finally grabbed it and turned the alarm off before flinging the device back on the nightstand and propping her hand on the bed.</p><p>Or so she thought.</p><p>Somehow, she managed to instinctively prop herself over Matt as she went for the phone but then she jammed her palm right into his chest. The grunt he couldn’t possibly managed to keep in as he took her whole weight so unexpectedly made her jerk away.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” she blurted out an apology, suddenly wide awake.</p><p>He squinted at her, but his lips turned upwards in a small smile even though his hand went to rub at his chest.</p><p>“Let me guess,” he rasped out while blinking out the remnants of sleep. “I’m on your side of the bed.”</p><p>Ava smiled apologetically and nodded. Matt chuckled and stretched his arms above his head to which she had to restrain herself from watching his biceps flexing in the tight shirt. So, she did the only sensible thing and that was getting out of bed.</p><p>“Quick stop in the bathroom and then I…,” she went on explaining while grabbing her clothes from the dresser when she turned around to face him.</p><p>And watched him still stretching but this time, her eyes drifted to his abs that were on display thanks to the mentioned stretching which prompted the shirt to ride up his body. Her brain should not be dealing with such sight this early in the morning.</p><p>“Uhm,” she got out inelegantly before reminding herself that she should probably be looking anywhere but his body. So, she snapped her gaze up, meeting his eyes full of mirth but also a sort of heat – the one she saw when they were on the pier leaning towards each other.</p><p>“Breakfast,” she continued her train of thought before turning to the little aquarium. “Can you feed him please, in the meantime?”</p><p>“Sure,” he smiled at her and mercifully pulled his hands down.</p><p>Ava turned on her heel and disappeared in the bathroom. Knowing that she was on the clock and promised Matt a breakfast helped her to get herself ready in a record time and also not overthink this whole situation too much.</p><p>When she got out of the bathroom 15 minutes later and walked through the apartment, she found Matt surprisingly in the kitchen, going through one of her drawers clearly looking for mugs.</p><p>“Bathroom’s all yours,” she said as she walked towards him while pulling her hair in an easy messy bun on top of her head.</p><p>Matt looked up, closed the drawer he was going through and smiled at her.</p><p>“Thank you. I’ve wanted to start the breakfast up, but I’ve only managed to get the coffeemaker going. Unfortunately – I’ve not found the mugs,” he explained and ran a hand through his hair as he looked around.</p><p>“I got it,” Ava assured him with a chuckle. “There’s a towel in the bathroom on the counter if you want to take a shower. Put the clothes in the dryer on a quick program – I do that when I don’t have time to do the full laundry circle with the scrubs. It’s not the best, I know. I would’ve offered you some spare clothes if I had some…”</p><p>“I’ll take you up on the offer of showering,” he nodded with a smile.</p><p>Ava hummed in agreement and turned to the cabinet next to the coffee maker where she pulled out two mugs and quickly stuck one in the machine.</p><p>“If you wait that minute, you can take the coffee with you,” she advised as she was pulling out pans and other utensils.</p><p>“That’d be awesome,” Matt groaned from where he was propped on the counter. “I can’t function without coffee. I walk with a cup basically everywhere.”</p><p>Ava laughed and shrugged as she looked at him.</p><p>“On one of my 36-hour shift I drank coffee under the sinks In the scrub room. So I don’t judge.”</p><p>“What?” he laughed merrily, and Ava smiled.</p><p>“Doctors are vultures when they see coffee, it’s a great hiding spot,” she explained with a smirk as she cracked a few eggs in the pan. “Anything you’re allergic to or don’t like?”</p><p>He shook his head and turned to coffee maker as it signaled that the coffee was done. He exchanged the full mug for the other empty one before turning to Ava who just waved him off.</p><p>“Ten minutes,” he promised as he walked backwards to the bathroom.</p><p>“Alright, I’ll time it,” Ava teased him and chuckled when he mockingly saluted and disappeared inside the bathroom.</p><p>As the door closed, Ava fully emerged herself into cooking – eggs, bacon, beans. As it was happily sizzling on the stove, she pulled out bread and put the pieces in the toaster. Then she took a quick look in the pantry and silently thanked herself that she bought some vegetables that still looked edible.</p><p>She was just putting everything on plates when the bathroom door opened again, and Matt walked back in the kitchen while toweling his hair. His eyes closed when he got close, and she saw his nose twitch which made her chuckle.</p><p>“Smells amazing,” he smiled and put the towel over his shoulders. “What can I do?”</p><p>“Grab us coffee?” she asked shooting him a pleading look and took the plates to the little table she got next to the kitchen right at the window.</p><p>Ava passed him as he carried the coffee and the plate with toasts he must’ve noticed as well. She took two glasses and pulled out cranberry juice from the fridge. With her hands full she returned to the table and thanked Matt when he helped her put everything down.</p><p>“I hope you don’t mind – I ran out of orange juice few days ago,” Ava said as she filled her glass and Matt pushed his glass towards her in answer.</p><p>“I’d be mad to complain about anything with a breakfast like this,” he shook his head and they both sat down.</p><p>“I usually don’t have that much time but when I do, I go big,” she told him with her most serious voice that was laced with a hint of smile.</p><p>They both grabbed their coffee’s first which made them chuckle before they dug in the food. Ava was internally pleased at the enjoyment on Matt’s face. But her ecstatic mood soured a bit as she looked out of the window and remembered what lead to this situation.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>She turned to him at the concerned question. Ava put down her fork with a sigh.</p><p>“Not really,” she admitted, and it felt so freeing to say it to someone who cared about that and with whom she felt safe. “When I got home yesterday, I found some… things on my doorstep. From someone whom I’d be very happy not to see ever again.”</p><p>His brows furrowed and she hesitated before ultimately deciding that she wanted him to know.</p><p>“I…uhm,” she breathed in harshly with her eyes casted down and tapped her fingers on the table. “I was assaulted. Six months ago. I thought that was it but he left the things on my doorstep yesterday and I don’t think I can run from this anymore.”</p><p>The silence that followed was deafening even though she expected it. When she saw his hand move slowly towards hers, she moved hers as well. His grip was warm and grounding as his palm engulfed her smaller hand.</p><p>She looked up, his eyes were holding back the anger at her assailant, but they emitted warmth and compassion at her. His thumb stroked her knuckles.</p><p>“I’m sorry that happened,” he said quietly. “Is he arrested?”</p><p>“It’s complicated,” Ava sighed and bit her lip.</p><p>“That’s a no,” he deduced and raised a brow. “Do they not have enough on him?”</p><p>“It’s very complicated,” she explained a bit defeatedly. “I reported things late, and they don’t really have much.”</p><p>“So they’re just letting him be? Even though he tried to contact you again?”</p><p>“He probably won’t do anything as long as I’m being careful.”</p><p>That didn’t seem to appease him.</p><p>“Was that supposed to make me feel less worried about you?”</p><p>She sighed again. With how close they seem to be getting, she should’ve expected nothing less from him.</p><p>“Matt, I know it’s not ideal,” she admitted. “But I’ve just gathered the courage to do something about this and I’m already way out of my comfort zone with everything that it brought. And I know that’s just a start. So, I trust the police to do what they can while I’ll be more careful than usual. But I can’t do it without someone having my back. Without you.”</p><p>His expression softened and his thumb gently stroked her knuckles in his hold.</p><p>“Of course, I’ll have your back.”</p><p>“Good. Then I need you to trust me that I can handle this,” she pleaded.</p><p>“This is not about trust for me, Ava – I absolutely trust you,” Matt explained and put her hand in both of his. “I’m worried that you’ll get hurt and I can’t keep my mind calm when I know there’s a possibility that you might be in danger.”</p><p>“I swear I’ll be careful.”</p><p>“Yes, because I’ll make sure of it,” he said firmly and continued when she was about to protest. “I care about you too much to leave you alone in this.”</p><p>They gazed at each other for a while before Ava tentatively nodded. Matt gave her a smile and squeezed her hand.</p><p>“Good. Now let’s finish breakfast so you won’t be late.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ep. 4×19<br/>Obviously diverging from canon. The shooter in the hospital, but what if Ava was in the ED as well?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so sorry for the late update – job, life, Covid; you know how it goes...<br/>Anyway. I'm loving the Jay/Ava friendship and I've finally slowburned Bekksey to the tipping point! I've teased you (and myself, hah!) long enough – enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You know what?” she turned to him with a cheeky little smile.</p><p>“What?” His lips quirked upwards as well when he spared her a glance before his eyes turned back on the road.</p><p>“I’ve decided that I should absolutely let you drive me everywhere.”</p><p>Matt laughed and Ava continued.</p><p>“Oh, you’re laughing now, but when I’m bothering you every time I need a ride, you’ll come to your senses.”</p><p>“I doubt that,” he answered with a smile on his face and frowned a bit when her phone buzzed and heard her sigh. “What is it?”</p><p>“That’s Ethan,” she explained while rolling her eyes as she texted the doctor back. “He’s asking if I am at the hospital already – he needs a consult.”</p><p>“No one else available from your floor? Are there even any doctors when you’re not working?”</p><p>“Of course, there are,” she chuckled. “But tell me this – if you’d needed someone to help you at the station, would you pick someone from your shift or the one you rotate with?”</p><p>Matt nodded.</p><p>“Good point,” he added as they came to a stop at the hospital.</p><p>The captain turned to her with a gentle smile on his face. Ava’s lips twitched upwards automatically, and his eyes crinkled at the sight which in turn made her cheeks slightly pink.</p><p>“So, thank you for the ride,” she pulled herself together at last. “And for yesterday. It really means a lot.”</p><p>Matt took his hands from the wheel and covered hers. The sight of their intertwined hands warmed her inside.</p><p>“As I’ve said before – you don’t have to thank me. I’m here for you, OK? Whenever you need,” he insisted urgently and waited for her nod. “So I’m picking you up when you get off of your shift today – no excuses!”</p><p>Ava sighed affectionately while shaking her head a bit before looking up. She squeezed his hands.</p><p>“I got a 12 hour long shift today,” she told him.</p><p>“And I’ll be here at 10 pm sharp,” he countered.</p><p>“OK.”</p><p>They stared at each other for a second before a car behind them impatiently honked at them. Matt showed a hand in an apologetic gesture to his side mirror and let Ava’s hands go.</p><p>“You better hurry,” she told him as she unclasped her seatbelt and grabbed her bag.</p><p>“Drivers are the worst,” he said with a sigh as Ava got out of her car with a chuckle where she waved at him.</p><p>He waved back with a smile before slowly driving out. Ava watched for a few seconds with a giddy smile on her face before hurrying inside the hospital as she texted Ethan that she was on her way now. Unfortunately, she picked the wrong route as she saw the board members and Gwen Garrett when she rounded the corner to the big atrium.</p><p>She froze when her eyes landed on Cornelius Rhodes and before anyone could notice her, she abruptly turned back around, swiftly walked away and went through the front entrance of the ED. Ava was so startled from seeing him right after her visit to the PD that she almost ran into April and Emily.</p><p>“Oh! Sorry, didn’t see you there. Hi,” she apologized and threw her hands in front of her which bumped to the baby carseat Emily was holding.</p><p>“Hi, Ava. No worries,” April smiled while Emily greeted her with a sigh as Vincent started whining.</p><p>“I’ll take him or your bags inside,” Ava offered with a small smile, feeling bad for making the little boy cry.</p><p>Emily’s face brightened with relief as she handed her Vincent almost immediately. Ava adjusted her bag and pulled the baby closer while shushing him gently and rubbing his back. He squirmed a bit and sniffled before settling down – apparently deciding that the new woman holding him was alright.</p><p>“You’re like a miracle worker,” Emily said gratefully before turning to April. “Both of you.”</p><p>April only shook her head with a smile and nodded to Ava as they started walking inside the ED.</p><p>“We’ve just spent many hours with patients of all sizes that it’s a skill to calm anyone down at this point.”</p><p>Ava chuckled at that before asking.</p><p>“Is Vincent getting a check-up today?”</p><p>“Nope, getting his shots,” Emily sighed with a pained expression and her eyes darted to April who spoke when they got to the nurse’s station.</p><p>“OK, so my car key is in the diaper bag, alright?”</p><p>“Thanks. Are you sure you can’t come upstairs for his shots? Vincent is so much calmer with you.”</p><p>“Gotta work, Emily. He’ll be fine,” the nurse reassured her as she handed her the bags and Ava saw Ethan coming their way.</p><p>And so did Emily.</p><p>“Hey Ethan.”</p><p>“Hi,” he answered his sister before turning to both Ava and April. “We got patients. Ava, Mrs. Rodriguez is upstairs for an angio. April, I just admitted our patient and I need your help.”</p><p>“OK,” Emily read the awkward tense silence and Ava felt like she needed to step in as well. And get away.</p><p>“I’ll take you up, Emily,” she turned to the young woman that looked at her gratefully before turning to Ethan. “And do the angio.”</p><p>He nodded and turned his attention back to the monitor, so the women quickly said goodbye to April. Ava even mouthed out a “sorry” to which April only rolled her eyes before waving her away.</p><p>“Well, that was awkward. Thank you so much, by the way,” Emily spoke as soon as they were out of earshot. “My brother thinks I’m absolutely incompetent.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t go that far,” Ava tried to ease her worry as she moved the baby on her right hip to call the elevator. “He’s sometimes harsh on everybody. It’s in his DNA probably.”</p><p>“Yeah, well,” Emily bit her lip as she looked at Vincent. “Maybe he’s right.”</p><p>“Hey, don’t think that,” Ava said gently before they both stepped away so the people could get off the elevator before going in. “It’s your first baby, of course you’re not sure of yourself yet. I’ve had the advantage of working with children when I did my residency in Peds. And trust me – I’ve been terrified that I’ll drop them or hurt them or just genuinely annoy them.”</p><p>That earned her a small chuckle.</p><p>“But the babies I encountered – they were in a hospital as my patients that I would operate on. None of them were mine, so I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling, but I do need to tell you, that you’re doing great, okay?”</p><p>Emily had tears in her eyes when she nodded, and Ava put Vincent in her arms when she opened them. The baby gurgled and clenched his little fists before settling in his mother’s arms. The doors opened and Emily stepped out. Before the door closed, she gave Ava another grateful smile.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>Ava swiftly walked through the corridors while writing up the updates on Mrs. Rodriguez. When she got back in the ED, Ethan was already waiting for her.</p><p>“You got the results?” she asked him and continued when he nodded. “I admitted her for observation, but I believe there won’t be any clots and she’ll be good to go in a few days.”</p><p>“That’s a relief,” he said before pointing at a room where April was tending to a little boy. “Can you get in there and do a precautionary EKG on Joshua?”</p><p>“Of course,” she agreed and walked off and put the tablet on the nurse’s station where Maggie coordinated everything.</p><p>The head nurse noticed her immediately and smiled at her.</p><p>“Good morning.”</p><p>“Morning Maggie,” she answered with a smile on her own before continuing on her way to the exam room.</p><p>She gently rapped her knuckles on the door and went in when both the patient and the nurse looked up.</p><p>“Hi, Joshua, I’m Dr. Bekker. Would you mind if I take a look at your heart?”</p><p>The boy seemed a bit apprehensive but eventually nodded.</p><p>“Will you put something in me for that?” he asked with huge glassy eyes that indicated fever.</p><p>“No, I won’t. I swear,” she said solemnly and put out her pinky towards him with a smile. “Pinky promise.”</p><p>That made the little boy grin shyly before extending his own pinky. She intertwined their fingers and shook them playfully before nodding towards the bed.</p><p>“Mind if I sit down with you?”</p><p>He shook his head, his posture already more relaxed as Ava pulled her stethoscope from her pocket. Before she could put it on, she could hear a commotion outside that made her pause.</p><p>And then a single gunshot.</p><p>All of them flinched at the noise while the screams started outside followed by panicked footsteps. Ava went to stand but the little boy grabbed onto her in fear and opened his mouth, but another loud gunshot effectively silenced him.</p><p>Without thinking Ava pulled the boy in her arms where he shook and covered his ears as best as she could with her hands while April creeped closer to the door. The surgeon saw the nurse’s eyes widening in fear which made her grip the boy tighter. April looked at her before quickly pulling the curtain closed and coming to their side.</p><p>“What’s happening? Was that a gun?” Joshua asked her shakily when he peeked out from her scrubs and Ava shushed him gently.</p><p>“Shh, stay quiet,” April added in a whisper and Joshua nodded before curling back in Ava’s arms in hopes that it would shield him from everything.</p><p>Both women looked desperately at each other. They were trapped in here. The question was – how long it will take before they’re discovered by the gunman. There were still muffled screams coming from the outside, but they could finally hear properly through the curtain.</p><p>“Hey, stop!”</p><p>“Drop it! Drop it now!”</p><p>“Frank, listen to the man…”</p><p>The door to the ED next to the exam room they were in opened and someone walked through them before they closed. Almost immediately they could hear Ethan’s voice.</p><p>“Woah, woah, woah! I’m a doctor! I’m just gonna take a look.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>It was a man’s voice, one that Ava couldn’t recognize. She shared a look with April who nodded at her. This must have been the gunman.</p><p>“Don’t move. Don’t!” The man ordered aggressively from the outside, sounding very close.</p><p>Ava, still clutching Joshua to her chest, put down her right hand and grabbed April’s who squeezed her hard. They stayed as still as they could’ve. The surgeon felt her heart beating erratically in her chest while her brain tried to come up with some sort of a miraculous idea that would help them.</p><p>“Hey, hey! I said stop moving-“</p><p>“-dad!”</p><p>“-stop moving!”</p><p>“Dad, are you okay?! Please, help my dad!”</p><p>“I’m a doctor, I can help.”</p><p>Ava closed her eyes defeatedly. She didn’t even see Will in the ED and in the back of her mind she hoped he got out before this mess started.</p><p>“Get in there. Now!”</p><p>“In here?”</p><p>“Yeah, now.”</p><p>“Dad!”</p><p>Joshua shook in her arms and she stroked his back in a soothing manner. April put her palm on the little boy’s arm and comfortingly squeezed it. He didn’t seem to notice. The quiet outside was disrupted by another calm voice.</p><p>“We need to help this man.”</p><p>Ava’s eyes opened and she felt her heart dropping again. Connor was here as well.</p><p>“Daddy! Dad!”</p><p>The young girl’s cries picked up a notch in the volume while the gunman seemed more quieted.</p><p>“It wasn’t my fault!” The shooter justified himself.</p><p>“You don’t want him to die though, do you?” Connor countered directly.</p><p>“No… No! Help him.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Lily?” Nat’s voice sounded scared but given the situation strong and assured.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, okay. Okay.”</p><p>There was a lot of movement outside but also an eerily calm. Ava almost jumped out of her skin as the monitor next to her beeped and she immediately launched at it and turned it off. The three of them sat frozen on the hospital bed while anxiously waiting if they were caught.</p><p>But the door to ED opened instead and the gunman started yelling again.</p><p>“Hey, hey! How do I lock the doors?!”</p><p>“You need keys,” Maggie answered him.</p><p>“Get them! Now, now! Easy, easy – lock down the doors, now!” He ordered her immediately, and then there were quick footsteps outside the exam room they were hiding in.</p><p>“Hey, they can see me! They can see me – they’re gonna shoot me!”</p><p>Ava looked at April. The man sounded more aggravated, like a cornered animal. If he felt this threatened, he could start shooting again. Ava harshly swallowed as she couldn’t be sure, who was actually severely hit. Who could be bleeding out right next to them.</p><p>“Hey you! I gotta cover the windows. What do I use?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Will answered truthfully.</p><p>“How about the sheets?! You’ve got lots of those, right? Okay, do it. Now! You help him” The man ordered again. There was a scared whimper from some woman that followed the statement.</p><p>More rustling sounds were heard before the people who were ordered to pull up the sheets on the doors walked past them. Ava remembered Jay’s words of advice if she was ever cornered and even though she wanted to run to safety the best way to get through this was to stay put and wait for the police.</p><p>“Hey. Hey kid – I need to get this guy to a trauma room now. Do you understand me?” Connor asked outside.</p><p>He tried to be reasonable, she could tell, but it was obvious that he thought the man he was helping was running out of time. Ava bit her lip. Maybe she should show herself and help, but as she moved a bit, April’s hand found hers again and squeezed. When she looked up, the nurse shook her head.</p><p>“Yeah, okay.”</p><p>“Maggie, I need a backboard, now!”</p><p>“Got it!”</p><p>Maggie walked past them for the backboards that were stored next to their exam room.</p><p>“David, they’re gonna need my help to lift him.” Ethan voiced out his concerns, still sounding calm.</p><p>“Alright. But right after you go right back where I can see you, okay?”</p><p>There was a loud thud as the backboard hit the floor before they assumedly started moving the injured man onto it.</p><p>“C’mon. Alright. There we go.”</p><p>“Dad? Dad, are you okay?!”</p><p>The young girl was hysteric and obviously in pain. David apparently picked up on that and spoke loudly to everyone in the room.</p><p>“Listen! I just want to get my girlfriend and my baby out of here. I don’t want to hurt anybody else, but I will if you get in my way!”</p><p>The statement was followed by retreating footsteps. Ava guessed they moved the man to the exam room three doors away from them. That meant they were relatively safe if they manage to keep silent.</p><p>“Hey, you! Back where you were!”</p><p>Ava wondered if it was Ethan who neared them. April got up from the bed and Ava watched her anxiously. The voices were more distant but still clear enough to hear what they were saying.</p><p>“How’s he doing?”</p><p>“Not good, David. He’s bleeding from inside his chest.” Connor answered angrily.</p><p>“It was his fault. He grabbed the gun.” The shooter argued immediately.</p><p>“I don’t care! He needs to go upstairs to surgery!” Connor snapped at him regardless.</p><p>“No. He stays here, okay?!”</p><p>“He might not make it if you don’t let him go upstairs.”</p><p>“You’re a doctor, do something!”</p><p>It was quiet for a few seconds before Connor spoke again.</p><p>“I need blood, plasma and platelets. Now! Otherwise, he dies.”</p><p>“Okay. What do I do?”</p><p>“Pick up any phone, dial 9-1-1 and tell them who you are. They’ll find someone for you to ask. Now!” Maggie advised him authoritatively.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>David’s footsteps came closer as he picked up the phone. There was a tapping sound – probably the gun hitting one of the columns of the nurse’s station where the phones were.</p><p>“I’m inside the ED – do not come in! I need a-a blood, plasma and… uhh… platelets!”</p><p>The tapping increased.</p><p>“No, I don’t want to speak to anyone! Deliver it here – no! I want Sharon Goodwin to get it here. And make it quick!”</p><p>The phone was slammed back down, and David paced in front of the curtained exam room before Lily screamed again in pain which made him move towards the exam room where she was. It was the furthest room from them, and they couldn’t hear what was happening inside it.</p><p>Only David – who loudly yelled all of sudden.</p><p>“Hey! Stay there! What do you want?!”</p><p>“Lily’s about to deliver the baby. I just need to get something that I will need for the delivery. It’s in the blue box next to the Pyxis, alright? Just right over there,” Nat answered him.</p><p>“You heard her. You get it. Go. Now.”</p><p>Lily cried out again. David seemed to be even more aggressive because of that.</p><p>“You. Go in there! Now, now!”</p><p>Another quick footsteps and door closing.</p><p>“It’s going to be okay, Lily. I promise, it’s gonna be okay.”</p><p>“You shot my dad!” The girl yelled so loudly that Joshua flinched and whimpered in Ava’s arms.</p><p>“It was an accident, I swear! There’s a doctor looking at him. There’s a doctor looking at him right now and it’s gonna be okay. I promise you, he’s gonna be okay,” David stammered out pleadingly to his girlfriend.</p><p>Before she could answer, Will stepped in.</p><p>“Doctor Manning’s gonna need another set of hands to deliver your child.”</p><p>“Okay, yeah! Help her, help her!”</p><p>“I just couldn’t let him take our baby like that, Lily. I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” David spoke out loudly again. “We can raise this kid together. I know we can. And I know that’s what you want too.”</p><p>His girlfriend didn’t seem to agree as she yelled in between her painful screams.</p><p>“No! I just want my life to go back to normal. I want to finish high school. I want to go to college.”</p><p>But David seemed absolutely disillusioned.</p><p>“No, no, no. That’s your dad talking. And I will fix everything as soon as we get out of here!”</p><p>April was slowly peeling back the curtain to take a look outside when there was a loud crunch like somebody stepped on a broken glass before David started yelling hysterically.</p><p>“Hey! Get back! Get! Back! Get back – you stay where I can see you!”</p><p>It must’ve been Ethan, because April almost instinctively moved forward before Ava could even warn her to get back. And she was seen.</p><p>“You! You get those cuffs now!”</p><p>April came outside immediately, and Ava closed her eyes for a second as Joshua sobbed quietly and she tried to muffle him as gently as possible. But he was obviously overwhelmed with fear and pain because he started to struggle in her arms.</p><p>“Don’t move or I will kill you. And you – cuff him to that desk.”</p><p>There was movement outside and Ava froze as Joshua whined and pushed against her in fear before exclaiming loudly.</p><p>“I want my mommy!”</p><p>Quick footsteps neared the exam room and Ava finally got a look on the gunman as he moved the curtain aside and their eyes met. His face twisted as he looked at the little boy in her arms before cursing and tugging at the curtain.</p><p>“Take of these curtains!”</p><p>They went down at the force he was using and one of the poles holding them in place fell down too and thudded loudly to the floor.</p><p>Joshua started crying at the chaos around him which made David more anxious. He looked around, grabbed April by the arm and threw her inside the room towards Ava.</p><p>“Take care of the kid!” He ordered her before turning to Ava and pointing his gun at her.  “How many of you are there, huh?!”</p><p>Ava opened her mouth to answer but David stormed inside as well. Joshua cried out as David ripped her away from the boy who was now struggling in April’s arms, his hands outstretched towards Ava who tried to reassure him with her eyes.</p><p>“It’s going to be okay, Joshua – stay with April,” she advised him as gently as she could.</p><p>The little boy nodded albeit reluctantly and hid his face In April’s chest. The nurse was looking at the surgeon apologetically, to which she nodded slightly in sign that she’s fine and didn’t blame her for this outcome. David pulled Ava back and pressed her in front of him. His left hand held her tight across her chest and she could feel his heavy breathing at her back. His right hand pulled the gun under her neck and she instinctively grabbed his forearm that was squeezing her in both of her hands.</p><p>David forced her to move outside the exam room and into the ED.</p><p>“I will shoot the next person who will try anything! Starting with her!” He yelled and dug the barrel of the gun on the underside of her jaw. She moved her head higher to escape the pressure.</p><p>“Hey! This is not necessary – we are doing everything you want you can let her go, we won’t try anything,” Connor called out to him from where he was gripping the chest tube in the patient’s chest upon seeing his colleague in the arms of the shooter.</p><p>David turned towards him with Ava.</p><p>“You’re trying to trick me all the time! So, take this as your final warning to cooperate!” He screamed and looked around erratically while pressing the gun more firmly in Ava’s jaw which made her grimace uncomfortably.</p><p>“Alright, but can you please loosen up your grip? If you’re gonna squeeze your hand more, you’ll seriously hurt Dr. Bekker,” Connor spoke urgently when he saw Ava struggle to breathe properly around the gun jammed in her throat.</p><p>To her surprise, David’s grip loosened almost immediately, and she shot Connor a grateful look and nodded a bit when she saw the question if she was okay in his eyes. Before she could do anything else, David pushed her forward and pressed the gun to the small of her back and forced her to move towards the ED doors.</p><p>“Here’s the keys,” he said and thrusted them to her palm. “When Mrs. Goodwin gets here, you open the door, let her in, close the door and lock it. And then you’re gonna give me the keys, okay?!”</p><p>“Yeah, I got it, David,” Ava answered as calmly as she could while being held at gunpoint and with her heart in her throat.</p><p>She stole a glance backwards where Connor and Maggie were working on Lily’s father. As if sensing her eyes on him, Connor looked up. The worry was obvious in his eyes as was the desperation. That made Ava feel unease – if Connor decides to play the hero the same way Ethan did…</p><p>Ava tried to convey as much of that through her eyes but wasn’t sure if she succeeded. Connor nodded his head a bit before glancing meaningfully to his right. The surgeon frowned slightly before looking to the side as well.</p><p>Where Cornelius Rhodes was laying on a hospital bed. Looking straight at her. His eyes were a bit glossy and half of his face was hidden behind an oxygen mask but there still was a knowing glint in them.</p><p>It was hard to decide who she wanted to be further away – Cornelius or David.</p><p>“David? It’s Sharon Goodwin, I’m here with everything you requested,” Sharon’s voice from behind the doors interrupted Ava’s musings.</p><p>The man gripped her tighter and pushed her forward.</p><p>“Open it!”</p><p>A bit of fumbling occurred, as her hands were slightly shaking, before she managed to unlock the doors and open it. With her whole body blocking the door, David was easily hidden behind her.</p><p>Ava, on the other hand, felt her heartbeat quicken at all the weapons aimed her way from the S. W. A. T. team. The other woman noticed her expression and quickly walked through with a box of equipment. Before the police could think of anything, Ava promptly shut the door and locked it.</p><p>“Keys!”</p><p>David snatched the keys from her, grabbed her forearm and pushed the gun to her side painfully.</p><p>Mrs. Goodwin put up one hand to placate him.</p><p>“David. David, what are you doing with the gun?”</p><p>“Just help me. Okay? He’s that way.”</p><p>The soothing wasn’t appreciated obviously. As they moved closer and passed the exam room where Cornelius was, the EKG in there started beeping warningly. Ava stopped on instinct even though it earned her more bruises to her forearm.</p><p>“Keep walking!” David hissed at her.</p><p>“I can’t,” Ava argued and shared a look with Mrs. Goodwin. “There’s a man in there who needs my help, okay? I just need to check on him, you’ll know where I am.”</p><p>David seemed to contemplate on that, but Ava anxiously bit her lip as the EKG upped the warning tune. At last, their captor nodded and let her go. The surgeon didn’t hesitate to quickly jog to the exam room and half-heartedly listened to the gunman’s yell.</p><p>“Don’t you try something! Or I will shoot you!”</p><p>Ava pulled out her stethoscope, took a deep breath and rounded the corner. Cornelius was hunched over, obviously out of breath and faintly wheezing even with oxygen flowing directly to his lungs. The surgeon checked the vitals before putting the stethoscope on and urging the man to lay on his back properly.</p><p>It took a lot to keep her hands steady when she moved them across the sweat soaked body. Her mind remembering that smell and feeling with the night he forced herself onto her.</p><p>But when the heartbeat filled her ears, she quickly tuned herself into her surgeon persona. And what she was hearing wasn’t good. When she put down the stethoscope, there was a movement on the outside.</p><p>Sharon, Maggie and David walked alongside with a stretcher with, who Ava presumed was, Lily’s father. They headed straight to the ED doors and Ava startled again when Connor suddenly walked in the exam room to her.</p><p>“How is he?” he asked her immediately with barely hidden anxiousness.</p><p>“Not good, Connor,” Ava answered honestly. He would figure it out himself, even if she lied. There was no reason and no room for lies. “He needs to go upstairs as well – we can’t assess the possible damage in here.”</p><p>He looked at the monitor hopelessly and Ava reached out and gently touched his wrist. Connor turned to her at the touch.</p><p>“Your dad needs surgery.”</p><p>Before he could answer her, the door to the ED opened and another shouting brawl started. This was so not good, Ava thought and harshly swallowed.</p><p>“Hey, hey, hey! Get back! I swear to god I’ll kill her! I swear to god!”</p><p>“Lower you weapons! Step back, we need to move this patient through!”</p><p>“Get back!”</p><p>“Lower your weapons!”</p><p>“Back up now!”</p><p>“Move, move, move! Grab this!”</p><p>“Okay, close the door! Now!”</p><p>The beeping of the monitor brought them back to the patient in front of them. Ava looked at the changing vitals.</p><p>“106 over 66. Heartrate is 122,” she read out loud and looked at Connor.</p><p>“Okay, let’s give 10 of Lasix and 12.5 metoprolol on an IV drip,” he asked her, and Ava nodded and quickly went through the cabinet next to her to get the requested meds.</p><p>Connor meanwhile put his father’s oxygen mask down and leaned closer so that he could speak to him.</p><p>“What is it?” Cornelius rasped out and Ava felt shivers going down her spine. She took a few breaths to calm herself before turning back to them.</p><p>“I don’t know dad but something’s not right,” Connor explained.</p><p>“This is your fault,” his father bit out painfully and Ava stopped moving thankful that they were ignoring her for now, too focused on each other. “I should’ve never let you convince me to come here in the first place!”</p><p>Connor let out a frustrated breath out and Ava steeled herself to step in.</p><p>“If I.. if..”</p><p>“Dad?”</p><p>The EKG let out another warning beep at the same time Cornelius’ eyes rolled back. Ava jumped in and pushed the needle in to start the drip and jammed the medication to the side of his neck. Connor waited till she moved aside and reclined the hospital bed.</p><p>“Hey, hey, hey! He’s not breathing-“</p><p>“I’m bagging him,” Ava followed his actions immediately and took a place at the man’s head and covered his face with the ambu bag.</p><p>“No pulse, he’s in v-tach,” Connor checked the vitals.</p><p>“Start compressions,” Ava reacted while squeezing the bag.</p><p>“I need the paddles!”</p><p>“Maggie, we need you in here! He’s in cardiac arrest!” Ava called out and when the head nurse came in, she instructed her. “We need the paddles.”</p><p>“Okay,” Maggie jumped in and planted the paddles in Connor’s hands and coated them in gel.</p><p>“Charge to 200.”</p><p>“Charged.”</p><p>“Clear!”</p><p>“Clear!”</p><p>Ava moved aside with Maggie as Connor shocked Cornelius without avail. Ava jumped back in with the bag.</p><p>“No pulse – a milligram of epi!”</p><p>Connor went back to the compressions while Maggie pushed the drug in.</p><p>“Epi’s in.”</p><p>A few more aggressive compressions and oxygen to the lungs, and then Connor’s posture relaxed a bit.</p><p>“Okay, I got a pulse,” he announced with relief and the vitals on the monitor followed his statement. “He’s back in sinus rhythm.”</p><p>With that he leaned closer to his dad and Ava moved the bag aside.</p><p>“Dad! Dad, can you hear me?”</p><p>The man seemed a bit disoriented but nothing alarming as far as Ava could tell. Connor looked at her.</p><p>“Alright. I wanna do an echo. We need to figure out what’s going on,” at the sheer desperation in his voice, Ava could only nod.</p><p>She knew that if it was her father, she’d be as desperate and nothing anyone would say would calm her down.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Ava looked up to see David pacing outside with Connor’s angry eyes following him. She put her hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Connor, we can do this, don’t let him get to you,” she whispered urgently but with compassion.</p><p>Some of the tension bled out from his face and he nodded before frowning. He grabbed her hand and turned it around. There were already bruises forming on her bare arms. His thumb gently caressed the skin and their eyes met.</p><p>“Are you OK?”</p><p>Ava swallowed before nodding.</p><p>“As much as I can be,” she admitted.</p><p>“We’ll get out of here, Ava.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know.”</p><p>Cornelius groaned a bit on the bed and the surgeons turned back to him. Connor moved the bed back up and helped his father sit more comfortably and put a pillow behind him. Ava grabbed the oxygen mask and put it over Cornelius’ face while Connor prepared the echo.</p><p>When he was ready, Ava wordlessly squeezed a bit of gel to the wand. Connor nodded in thanks and moved it on his father’s chest. Then they both focused on the monitor and Connor immediately lasered on with precision on the problematic part of the heart.</p><p>“He’s got a hole in his heart, between the left and right atrium. He’s in heart failure.”</p><p>He voiced Ava’s thoughts. His head dropped down and Ava added in a quiet voice.</p><p>“We can’t fix it here, Connor.”</p><p>He looked up with a tight expression.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>It seemed like the universe was not ready to give them any rest. Their conversation was cut short with a painful scream from Lily and another EKG going haywire on the other side of the ED.</p><p>“I need to get him upstairs, I…” Connor continued with his train of thoughts, disregarding the situation outside, and Ava cautiously nodded.</p><p>At this revelation, Cornelius perked up and pulled the oxygen mask down with a shaky hand.</p><p>“Don’t… Don’t let me die,” his voice was very weak.</p><p>Connor gently put the mask back up on his face.</p><p>“No, I won’t dad.”</p><p>Quick footsteps interrupted them, and David pushed Natalie to the room while pointing the gun at her head.</p><p>“Dr. Rhodes,” Nat turned to Connor anxiously.</p><p>“Lily needs your help,” David jumped in frantically.</p><p>Connor clenched his fists and Ava knew what he was gonna say before he did.</p><p>“I’m not leaving my father.”</p><p>“Connor, I think her uterus ruptured. She needs an immediate surgery before she and the baby bleeds to death,” Nat urged him pleadingly and glanced at Ava.</p><p>“I will do the surgery, if you agree to transfer my father upstairs,” Connor stated his terms in a steely voice.</p><p>David’s face twisted with anger and the gun in his hand shook as he waved it in Connor’s way.</p><p>“No. You fix him here.”</p><p>“I can’t. He needs an operating room with a bypass machine!” Connor yelled at him, clearly losing his temper with a thought of his dying father only feet away from him.</p><p>David though wasn’t convinced. The gun was pointed at Connor almost immediately after his outburst.</p><p>“Operate on Lily or I will kill you. Right here.”</p><p>Ava’s heart jumped to her throat and Connor’s next words did nothing to calm her.</p><p>“You want to kill the only person who can save her?”</p><p>The shooter obviously hesitated before noticing Ava, eyes flicking towards the same black scrubs Connor had. He moved quickly and grabbed her, forcefully pulling her to his body and jammed the gun to her temple. Ava choked back a whimper of pain as the gun collided with her head.</p><p>“The way I see it, there’s two of you here. So, for incentive, I can kill her – since none of you seem to understand that I am serious about this!” David screamed at all of them.</p><p>“Let her go!” Connor screamed back at him furiously.</p><p>Thankfully, Mrs. Goodwin stepped in before it could escalate even more.</p><p>“David. I will transfer his father. And I give you my word I will not let S. W. A. T. in.  Please, David. Lily and the baby are losing valuable time.” Sharon pleaded with him. “David.”</p><p>There was a deafening silence for a few seconds.</p><p>“Okay,” David whispered eventually.</p><p>“Wait a minute,” Connor stepped in with his hands up in a placating manner. “Dr. Bekker needs to go upstairs with my dad.”</p><p>“I am letting HIM out. No one else!” David shook his head vigorously and tightened his grip on Ava.</p><p>Connor let out a frustrated breath but continued in a determined voice.</p><p>“There’s a conference today. Out of every thoracic surgeon, there’s only me and Dr. Bekker in this hospital. My terms are still the same – I want my father to come through surgery; a surgery, that only other doctor than me can perform today, and that’s Ava. So, they both go, alright?”</p><p>Ava shot him a desperate look and shook her head a bit. No one said anything and Ava didn’t know, if she should be grateful for that. This could go so badly for Connor.</p><p>Because he just lied to a man pointing a gun at his face just to get her out of there.</p><p>David seemed to hesitate at his words before abruptly letting go of Ava which threw her off balance and she stumbled forwards. Connor moved as well and grabbed her waist to steady her and pulled her to his side.</p><p>The shooter motioned Nat to move with his gun while his eyes flickered between the surgeons and Mrs. Goodwin where they eventually settled.</p><p>“Make it happen. Quickly!”</p><p>Sharon pulled out her phone, dialed a number and took a few steps away to negotiate with someone outside. David seemed to be hitting the bottom of his sanity and rationality as he just blindly followed behind Nat to the room where Lily and his baby were, without giving Connor and Ava a second glance.</p><p>“Why would you do that?” Ava whispered shakily and looked up still plastered to his side and gripping his scrubs.</p><p>The hands around her tightened a bit before he let her go and walked inside the exam room. Ava followed and quickly glanced at Cornelius on the bed who was, thankfully, unconscious and not present for all the craziness happening.</p><p>“I know I’ve been an asshole to you,” he stated apologetically, eyes filled with emotions.</p><p>“Connor,” Ava interrupted him softly. “We don’t have to do this right now-“</p><p>“There may not be another time!”</p><p>Her breath hitched at that statement.</p><p>“So that’s why I need you to know, that I am sorry about how I’ve been treating you and that I didn’t say anything sooner,” he continued urgently. “I need to know you’re safe. That there’s at least one thing that I did right in these past couple of months.”</p><p>Before Ava could say anything, Mrs. Goodwin got inside the room.</p><p>“Daniel cleared the way outside. Dr. Bekker,” she turned to the surgeon. “The police will be right outside, but they will let you leave and won’t move in, okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Good. I’m gonna… let David know what’s happening,” she added grimly before leaving.</p><p>Ava turned towards the other doctor again.</p><p>“Connor…”</p><p>“It’s alright. You just get outside and please make sure my dad will go upstairs.”</p><p>She nodded and before she could second guess herself, she pulled him in a quick hug.</p><p>“Be careful, please. Don’t do anything stupid,” she whispered to him when they separated.</p><p>He didn’t say anything but nodded. Approaching footsteps from outside moved them to prepare Cornelius for transport. A few seconds later Maggie, Sharon and David stopped outside the room. The surgeons both gripped the bed and pushed it through the entrance.</p><p>When they rotated it in the hallway, where Maggie moved to help, David stepped in and gripped Connor’s scrubs.</p><p>“You go help Lily!”</p><p>Ava turned around and locked eyes with her colleague. Connor nodded and reluctantly moved towards Nat and Will, who were waiting impatiently outside Lily’s room. Ava glanced at Maggie and they both silently grabbed the bed again and moved it towards door. Sharon and David following them.</p><p>Once they reached the door, the head nurse pulled out the keys and unlocked them. With a bated breath, Ava watched, as Maggie opened the door, and the sight of the S. W. A. T. made her insides clench with anxiety.</p><p>“Don’t come in, I warn you!” David screamed when he caught sight of them as well.</p><p>Ava tried to ignore all the guns and pushed the bed through but startled when two men right outside (and hidden from David) tried to step in. They probably haven’t anticipated that she would take a step back and therefore warn the shooter.</p><p>“Get away, right now or I will shoot her – I said no tricks! And you go back, Dr. Bekker. No one’s leaving!”</p><p>Ava glanced at Maggie before determinedly pushing the bed with Cornelius outside the ED.</p><p>“Hey! Did you hear me?! Get back with him!”</p><p>She turned around and faced the gun aimed at her before meeting his eyes while still moving the patient outside.</p><p>“I can’t do that. He needs a surgery, right now.”</p><p>“I don’t care, I-“</p><p>“Yes, you do!” Ava interrupted hurriedly, almost all the way outside.</p><p>“One more step and I’ll shoot you!”</p><p>She froze. Her hands were tightly clenched on the bed railing. No one was moving, beside David who was using Sharon as a shield and waving a gun at Ava.</p><p>“Lily had to watch her father dying right in front of her. This man,” she motioned with her head towards Cornelius. “is also a father and if you won’t let me outside with him, another person would have to go through the same. And that person is saving your baby. Please, David, you are about to be a father yourself – don’t let this be the start of your fatherhood.”</p><p>He bit his lip and glanced at Cornelius before looking back at her. And nodding. Ava moved immediately and with a few steps, she was outside while Maggie stepped forward. They locked eyes before the head nurse closed the door behind them and locked it.</p><p>Ava felt a bit lightheaded with the fact that she was no longer in danger while everyone she cared about was still locked there with an emotionally unstable gunman. The relief that flooded her was short lived with that knowledge and she felt shame creeping upon her that she left them in there.</p><p>A hand on her shoulder made her flinch and her heart jumped to her throat as she let go of the bed and turned around.</p><p>“Hey, sorry, just me, Ava.”</p><p>“Jesus, Jay,” she breathed out wetly before biting her lip a flinging herself at him as the adrenaline wore off.</p><p>The detective hugged her tightly and swiftly moved her away from the door. The bed being wheeled around them pulled Ava back to reality and she pulled out of the embrace and grabbed one of the bed railings.</p><p>“Wait! I need to go with him, CT floor,” she blurted out and glanced around and locking eyes with Monique, who quickly strode to her. “Call the OR, tell them we’re on our way. I need a full surgical team to scrub in and get them ready for a heart repair – get a few valves in, we’ll decide which one will fit as we go.”</p><p>“Got it.”</p><p>The young nurse grabbed the bed with few other people and Ava made a move to follow before Jay grabbed her wrist gently.</p><p>“Ava, is that…?”</p><p>She looked him in the eye and nodded. He sighed, looked around and then focused back on her. Ava spoke first.</p><p>“I know. But I am good, I can do the surgery.”</p><p>“That’s not what I am worried about,” Jay said and checked that no one was listening before continuing. “This could really complicate things.”</p><p>That she knew. But the hesitation was brief as Connor’s devastated face came to the forefront of her mind.</p><p>“I promised I will try to save him.”</p><p>“OK,” Jay nodded after a while. “I got your back.”</p><p>She smiled at him, squeezed his hand and then jogged after her patient and towards the elevator. Time to tune everything out and focus on the surgery.</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>“Susie, could you please lower the dosage every hour? He’s responding well and I want him off the ventilator as soon as possible,” Ava instructed the nurse who nodded before the door to the post op abruptly opened and a disheveled Connor barged through.</p><p>Again, Ava felt relief flooding through her body at the sight of her very much alive colleague. Connor’s first steps went towards the hospital bed where his father was laying. His eyes checked the vitals before turning to the nurse’s station where he met Ava’s soft gaze.</p><p>She smiled a bit before taking the few steps towards him.</p><p>“He’s had an atrial septal defect, bigger than the ultrasound suggested. I patched it with a valve, pressured the heart – he reacted well to everything. The heartbeat’s strong and steady and he’ll be off the vent in a few hours, tomorrow at latest,” she assured him, her voice low as she matched the quiet of the room – besides the beeping of the machines.</p><p>Connor reached out for her hand and squeezed it.</p><p>“Thank you,” he rasped out.</p><p>“Of course,” she squeezed back, before letting his hand go and eyed him critically. “Are you okay? Is everyone…?”</p><p>“David’s dead,” Connor answered before the corners of his mouth lifted a bit. “Everyone else is fine. Even Lily and the baby. We had a bit of rough path, but we made it.”</p><p>Ava nodded and let out a long breath. Connor seemed to be thinking something through but before he had a chance to voice it out, the nurse interrupted.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Dr. Bekker, but Maggie paged – someone’s asking for you downstairs.”</p><p>“Thank you, Susie,” Ava answered gratefully with a smile towards the nurse before turning to Connor. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I’ll check up on your father, give you updates.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’d be great.”</p><p>Ava nodded and walked towards the door where she turned around again.</p><p>“Get some rest, Connor,” she told him, partially pleading and partially commanding.</p><p>His lips twitched.</p><p>“You too, Ava. Goodnight.”</p><p>“Night.”</p><p> </p><p>Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>Ava walked out of the elevator and flashed her ID card to the officer who turned to her at the sound of the incoming elevator. When he nodded at her, she clipped the badge back onto her scrubs and walked around the police tapes covering most of the ED.</p><p>She averted her eyes from the bloody footprints and red splatters and walked through the adjacent hallway into the doorway of the bigger atrium where most of the staff seemed to be gathered. Some were wrapping up minor wounds on each other, quietly drinking or eating, filling up statements or generally enjoying the fact, that they made it out alive.</p><p>As she looked around, trying to figure out where the nurses decided to reside, where she believed she’d find Maggie, her name was called.</p><p>“Ava!”</p><p>The surgeon turned around and her eyes widened a bit in surprise at the sight. It was way too early for Matt to be here – meaning, he must have heard about the hostage situation somewhere. Ava’s legs moved automatically the few steps towards him and she raised her hands in anticipation as he jogged to her and pulled her a bit frantically in his arms. Her hands found their place around his neck as the mans arms tightened around her waist and lifted her slightly from the ground as he tried to get as close to her as possible.</p><p>“Jesus, I was so worried, Ava. Are you okay?” He asked with his lips pressed to her ear.</p><p>“I’m okay. Just a few bruises.”</p><p>“Thank god,” he breathed out and rocked them a bit before reluctantly letting go of her.</p><p>They both moved just a few inches away, so they were still pressed together. Ava’s hands rested on his arms that were still winded around her waist. They were standing in one of the corners of the atrium, so the passing people were barely paying any attention to them.</p><p>Which was good because as she kept looking at his concerned face, she came to a sudden realization.</p><p>“I can’t be your friend,” Ava blurted out and immediately felt bad when Matt’s face fell slightly.</p><p>She huffed, angry at herself, that she wasn’t explaining it right. Ava squeezed her eyes for a second before looking determinately to Matt who was kind enough to let her gather her thoughts without interruption.</p><p>Her heart was beating like a crazy.</p><p>“That came out wrong,” she said quietly but continued with a stronger voice. “I meant that… I care about you. And I like you way too much to just be your friend.”</p><p>With that, she swallowed harshly. It could ruin things, even though nothing Matt ever did or said suggested that. But even though her mind pushed the worst-case scenario at her, she was happy that she got it off her chest.</p><p>It was surprising, that the admission also lifted a weight inside her she didn’t even know about. Because through this terrifying day, in his arms and with the warm gaze set upon her, she felt like finally coming home. Like she could let her guard down and rest as long as she needed.</p><p>Matt’s eyes shined as he smiled at her.</p><p>“Well, that’s a relief,” he admitted gently. “Because I’m falling in love with you.”</p><p>Her lips parted in surprise and her cheeks filled with blood but the glee inside her spread through her just as fast. She smiled brightly and his left hand caressed her back as it moved upwards and softly stroked the back her neck before landing on her cheek where it stayed.</p><p>And when their eyes met, they both slightly tilted their heads and like magnets moved towards each other. Ava closed her eyes as their lips met in a chaste kiss. Her hand slipped under his jacket and onto his lower back which she used as a leverage to get closer and when his lips parted slightly on the exhale with a surprise, she pressed their lips together with the intention of more.</p><p>Their tongues met and the kiss turned heated and ended when they were both desperately needing to take a breath. Their lips parted and Matt rested his forehead on hers. His thumb sweeping the skin right under her eye in a loving manner.</p><p>She closed her eyes happily and pulled him in for another kiss.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Btw – I love Norma and I'm so excited for her role on S. W. A. T.! I'm so happy I was able to finish this chapter on time before another episode airs, cause let me tell you, dear everyone – Nora will be having some romantic plot with Luca, calling it now before it happens!! And if it doesn't, well... one word, FANFIC! :))</p><p>Sending love to everyone!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I think the whole plot for Ava/Connor had so many holes in it, it sure did looked like a swiss cheese. Ava's character had so much potential and they wasted it and throw her out like a garbage. But that's why fanfiction exists!</p><p>Please comment and share your opinion!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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